Hey guys I just wanted to post today and wish you all a Happy Birthday! Oh, it’s not your birthday? Really? Cause I thought we had the same birthday.

Speaking of other people’s birthday’s, if it was mine, I would create a blog post that listed something that makes me bitter for every year I’ve spent on earth (doesn’t include all the years I spent on Mars or Cybertron).

1 – The Bar – According to girls, it’s on the floor.

2 – The Caveman – Though smarter than most Gen Z’s (don’t worry about them reading this, they don’t read blogs, because they aren’t Tik Toks).

3 – Decision trees – Much better than normal trees, because they don’t down power lines.

4 – Simpademic – Some guys major in this in college.

5- Destructive Criticism – Much better than constructive criticism, because why would you criticize someone to make them better?

6 – Killing them with Bitterness – Kindness isn’t the best killer.

7 – Hypnosis – You are very sleepy. Now bark like a cat.

8 – Bear Minimum – What girls ask bears for in relationships.

9 – Looking Ahead – Much better than looking at a foot.

10 – Commission Impossible – Tom Cruise’s next movie franchise about realtors trying to get that commission.

11 – Gift Exchange – In my last gift exchange I tried to exchange one of my kids for a Mint condition original Generation 1 Optimus Prime in the box.

12 – Saving the Cat – Dog gone right.

13 – Space Heater – They tried to bring one on Artemis II, but they didn’t have enough room for a something that was big enough to heat all of space.

14 – Text Chains – I’d rather be chainsawed by a Texas Massacrer than chained to another family text chain.

15 – Clone Wars – I’m afraid that if my clone and I ever fought we would both just end up on the couch watching TV together.

16 – Ransom notes – Most kids in my elementary school passed notes, but somehow it was weird when I passed ransom notes?

17 – Firefighters – I look forward to seeing this fight between two fires on pay-per-view.

18 – Cherry Pie – I didn’t know that 3.1415926535 came with cherries.

19 – Xbox –

20 – Boongoggles – A trip you go on for work, but its more of a vacation, but you have to wear goggles.

21 – Mirrors – Man, are they hard to look at.

22 – Tommorow – A mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

23 – Car Inspections – My local Hyundai dealer inspected my car and gave me recommendations for the car. If I did everything on that list, I might as well have purchased a Lambo.

24 – ChapGPGrokeniClaude – Speaking of Pay-Per-View, this one between AI’s would be must watch. However, when there is a declared winner, it might be time to worry that we’re next on that AI’s list.

25 – Brazillionaire – Much richer than Bramillionaires from Brazil.

26 – Bine – You know, those twining stem or flexible shoots that grow on honeysuckles? Maybe stop helixing all over, would you?

27 – Ballyrags – No, I’m not talking about the tall, menacing beings who shroud themselves in fire, darkness and shadow from LOTR. I’m talking about bullies.

28 – Buttress – Those stupid mattresses for your butts. I wish they were a little more comfortable for butts.

29 – Catawampus – Cats that you can have on campus, are menaces. How do they expect a college student to take care of a cat?

30 – Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg Lake – One of the dirtiest lakes I’ve never visited.

31 – Hootenanny – I can’t imagine why owls would need nannys, when they are perfectly capable of watching themselves as soon as their parents push them out of their nests.

32 – Hullabaloo –

33 – Bennuendo – Innunendo about me is never appreciated.

34 – Kenspeckles – I’ve never been a fan of Ken wearing glasses.

35 – Pollygag – Obviously, when parrots constantly ask for crackers, they are going to gag sometimes.

36 – Syzygy – When synergy gets tired and it just wants some ZZZ’s.

37 – Lugers – Those one or two person high-speed sleds that go down icy tracks in the Olympics? They are a bunch of Lugers.

38 – Substitute teachers – Just put on the movie so we can shoot paper balls at the ceiling already.

39 – Magic The Gathering – I prefer Magic the Laying on the Couch at home. Not a fan of gatherings.

40 – Menace – Dennis the Menace to Society for the Reformation of Hags (Have a Great Summer)

41 – Golf – What I tell the neighbor kids, ie Getting Out of Left Field (G.O.L.F.) because I prefer you play in right field, which is another person’s yard.

42 – The Legend of Zelda – They’ve made 34 video games and movies about this guy’s to save a princess against a melevolent villain and the girl is the Legend?

43 – Floccinaucinihilipilification – Excuse me…

44 – 44 – My favorite number, because I wore it one year in basketball.

45 – Kakorrhaphiophobia – The fear of looking this word up and having to say it in a speech.

46 – Safari – An overland journey to observe wild animals, especially in East Africa, when you could just go in your kids room and observe a wild animal in a jungle.

47 – Bathtubs – Something the savages upstairs should be using to clean themselves off with from time to time.

48 – Tournament – A competition where dozens of teams are invited to compete to become 1st through 64th losers.

49 – Whole Foods – Apparently other grocery stores only sell Partial Foods?

50 – Poems – Defined as written lines that rhyme every other line. Simple, easy, straightforward. Well, except Elegy’s, where there is no length or form rules, expect that it has to be about death. Oh and Free Verse, where it doesn’t have a consistent rhyme scheme or meter. Or Haiku’s that have to be 5 syllable, 7 syllable, 5 syllable. Or Limericks that have 5 lines, the AABBA rhyme scheme, first two lines contain seven to ten syllables, third and fourth contain five to seven syllables, and the final line contains seven to ten syllables. Or Odes, that don’t have to rhyme but they have to have a formal tone. Or Sonnets, Shakespearan or Petrachan, or even Villanelle that have 19 lines, five tercets, one quatrain, ABA schemes and repeating…Other than those exceptions, there are no exceptions. It’s crystal clear what a poem is.

51 – Attachment – A barnacle, such as family members who think that it’s necessary to continue to bother you all the time. Also a file that is on your email.

52 – Wood Paneling – The thing on old station wagons that made them look classy.

53 – Publishers – The people that reject your requests to make a book out of your poorly written, completely unfinished manuscripts.

ARRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter 53 Reasons I’m Bitter Ben