I used to wonder why August, a month fully contained within the summer season, was a dead release time for movies. Then I looked at the calendar and saw that it was only the second full week of August and my son started school on Wednesday. I don’t know who’s cockamamie idea it was to start school before the middle of August, but he has fully started his senior year and it’s only August 15th. Not only that, but he has his first regular season football game tonight. Every Friday night from tonight until the middle of October, he has regular season games. His team fully expects to make a deep playoff run, which will means they could be playing until the middle of November. The reason why nobody goes to movies in August and September is because all those kids and all those parents are at football games for the two and half months.

The kid definitely wants to get a scholarship and an NIL deal so he can pursue his dream of spending not only all our money, but also all his money too. So far, he’s off to a really good start, as he’s already spent all our money, and he’s doing a great job of spending his own money too. He has higher goals though, and that is to spend a fortune, which neither we or he has right now. I know with hard work and persistence, he can spend even Taylor Swift’s earnings from her 2 year tour. I believe that he will also be able to spend her upcoming tours money too.

Before he reaches his real goal, he has to obtain his secondary goal, which means he has to have a great season, and take some of his film and send them to the scouts of the colleges. He should also avoid injury, which is hard for him to do, because he has a tricky shoulder. And also, he from time to time, gets a hangnail, which could put him on the sidelines for a few games.

But if he works hard enough, and the scouts can stop recruiting all the other players on his team, and focus more on him, then he might finally get the scholarship he is looking for. Some people say that in order to make your dreams come true, you have to work hard, know your worth, fight for yourself, and get really lucky by doing a dance on TikTok and going viral.

That was how it was done back in the good old days. Now there is more modern way to obtain success. It’s called manifesting. It’s how all the life coaches do it now. Either that or they just get to know each other and buy each other’s programs and use girl math to claim that they are making a bunch of money.

Manifesting is a new trend where people (mostly women) practice saying stuff in the mirror, or writing things down every day, or speaking about them regularly and expecting riches to land in their lap. It’s a combination of Voodoo magic, praying and speaking to the universe and asking it to bring them the man of their dreams or success or whatever.

According to A.I. (not AL), manifesting has several key concepts:

The of the Law of Attraction: The Law of Attraction says that positive thoughts will attract positive energy. It also suggests that bitter thoughts will attract bitter energy. It’s not another way to say that only hot girls can be with hot guys.

Visualization: Lots of athletes use this. It’s mentally picturing that you will hit a home run, hit a free throw or sack a quarterback. It can backfire if you have a bad imagination and instead imagine yourself missing a tackle, or getting nailed in the head, and the whole crowd is laughing at you.

Affirmations: Repeating phrases over and over again to yourself, or writing them down. IE another word for cult-like chanting. It’s helpful not to repeat the phrases out loud at work, especially if your affirmation is that you want your boss’s computer to burn down the building.

Action: This is the least used manifestation technique, because you actually have to wake up, get out of bed, and do stuff. It’s usually only done by action heroes, and even they are kind of fake, because most of those stunts are done on a green screen and wires.

Alignment: This one has to do with making sure your thoughts, emotions, and actions are all in harmony with your desires and goals. It doesn’t have to do your chiropractor performing a Mortal Kombat like Fatality by pulling our your spine.

These lifestyle coaches stole the idea of Manifesting from the old timey American idea called Manifest Destiny. The old American’s were doing the actual real work of expanding the borders of our land from the Atlantic to the Specific Ocean. They were traveling in covered wagons and go carts, carving out roads, building railroad tracks, establishing establishments, and building cities to grow our country.

So of course, the lifestyle coaches decided to use manifesting to do real work too. But the work that they do is mostly on their faces…and done by surgeons…and mostly injected…on their lips…and hips…and takes out any lines on their faces with botox…along with any of the movement. In a way, they are manifesting a non-movement. The less movement on their faces, the better.

I’ve earned all the bitter lines on my face. My perpetually Resting Bitter Face is the cause and I like bitterness etched on my face. If I ever got botox, people might think that I was not bitter. I cannot have that. The more lines on my bitter face, the bitter.

While you are manifesting a way out of this bitter post, I’ll post a bunch of Bitter Friday Giftures for you to wrinkle your forehead at (or in my daughter’s words for mine, a five head)….

I finally figured out why August movies…

Because all the parents and kids…

My kids goal in life…

So far…

He doesn’t just want to stop at all of ours though…

In order to have all that money…

In the old days…

Hard work, fighting hard to show your worth…

In modern days, life coaches came up with a new way…

Manifesting is a combination of praying, voodoo…

There are principles to manifesting…

There’s also the Law of Attraction…

The principle of alignment…

The life coaches stole the idea of manifesting from…

But the life coaches made manifesting…

ARRRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Manifest Destiny Ben