The other day when I was doing my early-morning, freezing-in-the-dark-and-cold jog/walking, I was reminiscing about and accomplishment that Tim Duncan, who is one of the All-Time Great NBA players, achieved. He won NBA titles in three different decades. His first one was in 1999, he got three more in the 00’s, and then he got another one in 2014. It’s almost unfathomable that someone could do something like that.

But then I realized that I had done something almost as unfathomable and just as impressive. I’ve written a bitter blog post in three different decades of my life as well. I wrote my first blog post on this blog when I was 38, then proceeded to write a lot more in my 40’s, then last year on April 9th, 2023, Easter Day, also known as my 50th birthday, I wrote a blog post in my 50’a. You may now associate me with an all-time great NBA legend. In fact, every time you speak of Tim Duncan, you should always mention me as well. Or vice versa. He could probably use some of my publicity to raise his fame a little.

What does this all mean? It means a lot of things. It means that when I started blogging in 2012, it was still a popular thing to write things in a blog. It also means in 2012, we thought the world was going to end, because of some ancient prophecy tied to a Mesoamerican Long Count calendar. How do I know this? Wikipedia, of course, also known as our most accurate source of information.

It also means that in 1999, when Tim Duncan in the middle of winning his first NBA championship, the world was worried again about the world ending. There was this weird glitch in banking systems where the year would be reset, and we weren’t sure if the banks would think it was the year 1000 or 2000. I still remember being a young carefree 27-year-old at a downtown New Year’s celebration in 1999/2000. While carefreely celebrating, deep down I was wondering when the clock turned to the year 2000 if all the banks in the world would start freaking out and setting off a world ending bank implosion. Then I realized that it had been the year 2000 in Australia for almost 18 hours, so if something happened with the banks, they would have happened by then.

It also means that I lived in 1980, when personal computers didn’t exist, so I had to somehow exist as a 7-year-old without computers, tablets, smart phones, or even laptops. We had no internet, wi-fi, or even Leapfrogs. My kids probably wonder how I even have proof that I existed back then. They could point to the fact that no computer had any evidence of me, even pictures. I have a few pictures, but they aren’t digital, so I might as well be Marty McFly in Back to the Future fading from the photo with his brother and sister. I basically didn’t exist before the internet, according to Millennials, Gen Z’s, and Gen Alphas.

I do share something in common with them though. I used to talk to myself. Still do actually. People thought I was weird back then, but now it is not only acceptable, but it is entirely normalized, cool and even profitable. If you don’t believe me, look at a kid streaming live on a Tik Tok, Instagram, Twitch or any number of other streaming platforms. That is why I called this blog post, Hey Chat.

If you’ve ever heard someone doing a live stream, it’s essentially someone talking to themselves, but with a camera present. Technically they are talking to people, but most of them are trolls or bots. I’ve experimented with the chat a few times, and basically it is me just talking to myself. I couldn’t garner a crowd of people to save my life. I guess if I was an attractive 25-year-old girl (maybe I’ll have AI redo me as one), I could do nothing and still get a crowd, but as myself, if I’m not doing something special or of value to other people, I’m to a camera and an empty room.

For actually popular streamers that have actual fans, you will often find them saying, “Hey Chat,” when they address the crowd of people they are talking to. They get so used to it that they then start addressing their family and friend with “Hey Chat”. Someday, in the not too distant future, there will be some streamers that have kids that they will name Chat, so that when they mess up and call their kids chat, they can just say that was their name and not their habit of calling every random person Chat.

I imagine these people when they get older and move on from their careers as streamers will have to give a speech at a conference. They will start their speech with, “Ladies and Chat members, I am here to speak to you about coding,”. I also imagine them at a work party with more than three people gathered around them, and saying, “Hey Chat, did you guys all see the basketball game the other day? What did you think about that buzzer beater? Leave me your comment in the chat. Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe!” and then waiting for others to make a comment.

I also imagine them winning an award at, say, an Academy Awards show, and being so excited to give their acceptance speech. “I’d like to thank the chat for all they mean to me. I couldn’t have done this without all your likes, comments, spamming the chat, smashing that like button, sending roses, blowing up the chat, and helping me reach 1 million followers. Oh, and by the way, I wish my mom and dad were still here, but they never followed any of my streams, so they might as well not exist. They are definitely not the real ones.”

Speaking of bad parents, I’m mad at my parents, because they never stuck a camera in front of me while I was young, and in my room talking to myself. If they had, I would have been much more comfortable at my age now, talking to myself on a stream and I would be collecting $25 million a year, by saying stupid things in front of a camera. It’s too late to change that. Now, if I see a LIVE on my camera, I clam up like a…clam that doesn’t want to talk. Actually I hate talking in general. Thanks a lot, my parents.

Kids these days are basically The Truman Show in reverse, because like Truman, they are born with a camera following their every move, but instead of not knowing that the camera is following them their entire lives, they think the camera is following their every move and the whole world cares what they have for breakfast.

They also imagine that millions of people across the world are waiting for them to make another Tik Tok dance, and if they don’t, then the world might stop spinning. That’s a lot of pressure for these kids.

Hey Chat, what do you think about this? Let me know in the comments, and before you leave, don’t forget to smash that like button, and don’t forget to subscribe and follow before you watch the Bitter Friday Giftures below…

The other day…

When I was reminiscing…

But then I realized…

I had achieved the Bitter Equivalent of longevity by posting Bitter Blogs…

What does that mean? It means…

And back in 2000…

And in 1980…

How did I survive life without computers?…

Kids these days also love talking to themselves..

Instead of acknowledging themselves to their audience…

But they don’t stop there…

Or when…

Or even…

Hey Chat…

ARRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Hey Chat Ben