Did you see that beekeeper guy that went viral recently, because he helped clear out a bunch of bees at a baseball game? The story was that a swarm of bees took over some netting and they had to delay the game for two hours while they tried to figure out how to get rid of the bees. Along comes this beekeeper who sucked the bees up in a vacuum and became the hero. The Diamondbacks were so thankful, that they let the guy throw the ceremonial first pitch. Unfortunately, the guy threw a pitch that was way outside, so they didn’t sign him as their next great pitcher. If only he had practiced pitching instead of beekeeping, he wouldn’t have had to go back to his dull and meaningless life as a beekeeper.
Everyone thought this guy was a hero, but he didn’t even get one inning of work. Sounds like a failure to me. If you want to be a major league pitcher, you have to be a jerk. You should never help people with bees, or do anything nice for that matter. Ignore everyone and treat them like crap, because you have to dedicate yourself to pitching balls really fast. Then you have to curve them, and slide them, and knuckle them, and split them. When people that care about ask you to come inside for dinner, ignore them. If someone asks you to go on a date, or to a party, tell them no. Most of all though, if someone asks you to learn beekeeping, definitely ignore them, because they will someday save you from ferocious killer bees, but they will never be able to pitch a no-hitter.
Now that we’ve talked way too much about bees, let’s talk about spiders. Spiders are a good at population control for things like flies, bees and humans. Radioactive ones are good at creating Spidermen, Spiderwomen and Spiderpigs. Which Marvel probably needs to start paying if we don’t want spiders to take over the world.
They are already taking over the silk industry. They sell their silk to the people of Thailand who create T-Shirts, bed sheets, or socks out of them, and then they sell those to American’s who want to rep their favorite basketball, football and baseball teams, or want some Stance socks.
They are also taking over the web industry, which has been used as a pest deterrent to capture flies, bees, humans, or Thanos. Although, Spiderman wasn’t able to fully capture Thanos, because he was cheating with the magical glove and the Infinity Stones. But Spiderman did use the webs that spiders made for him, out of his wrists to capture other bad guys like the Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, Venom, Sandman, Lizard and Electro. Well, maybe he didn’t captured any of those guys. Maybe they all got out of his webs. Which means that Spiderman isn’t a very good Spider, because he’s never actually killed any of his prey.
The biggest thing that Spiders created was the World Wide Web, which has captured the imagination of people all over the world. The World Wide Web has pulled in just about every person, who just can’t stop using it to get information, do their job, make money through social media, or communicate across the world, or even watch Spiderman movies. We think of spiders as pretty weak, but they are taking over the world and we are just letting them.
They are even taking over our websites. Have you heard of Cobwebsites? That’s what it means when websites are no longer updated, but they are still active. My thoughts immediately went to WordPress, which as many of you have experienced, has a graveyard full of “active” blogs that haven’t been updated since 1922. It’s almost comical to go back to some of your old favorites and see how things have changed since they updated their blogs. Spiders did that to us.
They say the internet is forever, but that’s only if you have the bandwidth to search and find someone’s blog among the billions that are collecting cobwebs and find something active among all the decayed, yellowing blog posts. Someday when my body goes to the graveyard, and is eaten by spiders, they are also going to Cobwebsite my Bitter Blog and these words and Giftures will be lost to history, all thanks to spiders.
So, while we are trying to save the planet from Spiders, go ahead and take your weekly dose of Bitter Friday Giftures, but make sure to view them before it’s too late, because they may soon be collecting cobwebs.
Imagine this guy thinking…
Just like this guy thought…
Or this old lady…
If you want to be a major league pitcher…
If you want to be a great pitcher…
Which leads me to spiders…
And where would our world be…
If we aren’t careful…
Yet Spiderman isn’t even their biggest invention…
Everyone is so interconnected…
Cobwebsites…
Especially among the WordPress community…
ARRRGGGGGHHHHHH
Bitter Cobwebsites Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
The Bees went from population collapse to taking over sports. The baseball game you say — in March bees took over tennis at Indian Wells for 2 hours until a guy came out without any protective clothing — not even gloves and vacuumed them up like so much dust… it’s the bees that will inherit the universe.
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First of all, super weird to make a beekeeper throw a pitch. But stranger things have happened. I guess my WP blog is part of the Spiderverse, or cobwebverse, or whatever you called it. I wrote it hoping to catch a radioactive spider or three, so I could create some Spidermen. But I kept catching daddy long-legs and jumping spiders instead. 😖 Well, at least they ate the mosquitoes and flies buzzing around.
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My LORD, you are a Genius! Spiders! Spiders are whom we must recruit NEXT to form your Bitter Army. We shall create an internet Death Star by combining all of these cobweb sites together to generate the power to destroy the Universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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