The Voices in My Head BFG’s

/ bensbitterblog

I’ve never liked parties, for obvious reasons. First, I’m a died in the wool introvert with a massive disdain for people and talking to them. When I am forced to go to a party, it is my mission to find a way to disappear like a vapor. I do my best impression of Ethan Hunt, James Bond or Burt Wonderstone, and and their ability to disappear into the ether. I want to become like toilet paper in a pandemic. I want to be the main character of the week on the Cold Case TV show (the one that fades out at the end). I want to be like Taylor Swift (she was formerly a popular singer in the 90’s) and just disappear from the public. Yous say she’s still popular? Well, the opposite of that then.

The reason why I don’t like talking to people is because they take away my legendary focus. It’s the reason why I love the early morning and the late night. That is the time when no one is talking to me or bothering my video game time. There is no one there trying to interrupt my blog or book writing. There is no one there telling me to wake up because they are telling me a boring story. It’s not that I find people annoying, it’s that I need to focus. Also, people are annoying.

That’s why my productivity turns to crap as soon as people come into work. I’m bitterly focused on making my company money, and then some person comes in and asks me how my day was yesterday. “Well, if you must ask, my day yesterday sucked. I had to talk to annoying co-workers asking me how my day was yesterday.” For some reason, that usually shuts them up, but some people are unself-aware, so I have to reach for my headphones before they will get the hint.

It’s even worse when more than two people talk. My head starts mentally playing a doubles tennis game, but with 6 people, and I have to watch all these people bouncing sentences and stories back and forth, trying to one-up each other with more absurd tall tales to see who can tell the most boring story. I then use that as an excuse to reach for the headphones in order to disappear them.

The biggest reason I put on headphones is to drown out MY internal monologue, dialogue or even trialogue. My inner voices often have more to say than have a lot to say than other people do. The other day, my inner voices were being so annoying, I finally had to tell them to all just shut up. I just wanted voices to stop talking.

I have a feeling that if my inner characters came to life, they would be much like the movie coming out called IF (standing for Imaginary Friends) where all kinds of characters come to life but instead of whatever they do in the movie, they spend their time annoying me.

The sheer madness of the things my inner voice does is astonishing. I’ve performed full on movie length speeches to persuade a girl to like me, an arena full of people to give me money, or a room full of family members to back off. That’s just the speech guy.

Then there is the guy that pumps me up in the morning, telling me that it is going to be the bitterest day ever, even though it is snowing, cold and dark outside. Or I have to hike for 50 miles, or I have a pile of virtual files I have to go through that normally takes a week that need to be done that day. That guy sucks way worse than the speech guy.

Then there is the one that keeps telling me that I suck. He’s mostly right.

Then there is the one that tells me that I’ve done enough for the day, and it is time to power down and go on cruise control for the rest of the day. He usually starts talking to me around 9 am. I really like this guy. I think we should listen to him more often.

But then responsibility guy comes in and says we need to at least pretend to work for the first 9 hours in order to have a job. Me and power down guy think he sucks and think he needs a hobby.

We’re working on hobbies for him. We think if we convince him to take up crochet or something, he might leave us alone, but so far, he is still just the annoying co-worker that wants to make everything boring. He never wants to hang out and play video games after work. We’re convinced if he just tries Fortnite, he’ll get hooked and we can start slacking off at work a lot earlier.

To be honest, I’m just sick of all the talking in the head and I just want all of them to shut it. While I have a talk with my IV (Inner Voices), I’ll have my fingers search for some appropriate Bitter Friday Giftures for you…

Some people…

…like to party like this…

Other people like to party…

…like this.

I don’t like parties…

…so I spend my time being stealth.

I like to work on my magic act…

…and find ways to disappear.

If there is a hedge nearby…

…I’m hedging my bets.

I’ve found many ways to disappear…

…from people…

But the inner voices…

…are a little harder to escape from.

They were talking so loudly the other day…

…I finally had to tell them to shut up.

Most of them can be…

…pretty annoying…

Some are always preparing speeches…

…but then they won’t remember all the words when I actually have to say them out loud.

Some of them…

…are always trying to hype me up, but then get a little tired and stop doing it.

But my favorite one…

…that tells me to shut it down early, always gets overruled by responsibility guy.

ARRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Voices in My Head Ben

2 thoughts on “The Voices in My Head BFG’s”

  1. I also have an entourage of inner voices, and I can relate to your bitterness about them.

    I want to get a huge, bright red ‘Shut Up!’ button that when you push it in, a horribly gross sound emits (very loudly) that causes incontrollable laughter and forgetting all about the I.V. annoying you.

    If this actually helps them to shut up – I will let you know 😉

    Jodi Lea

    Like

    Reply

Your Bitter Comments

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.