Half a Score and 0 teen years ago…

Half a score and 0 teen years ago, I brought forth on this platform, a new bitter blog, conceived in bitterness, and dedicated to the proposition that all people are equally bitter.

Now we are engaged in this great uncivil bitterness, testing whether this nation of blog readers or any other blog readers, so conceived and dedicated to this blog, can endure it any longer. We are met on the great bitterfield of this blog. We have come to dedicate a portion of this blog as a final resting place (the couch) for those that gave way too much time of their lives, that this blog might live. It is altogether fitting that we should celebrate me on this day. (You probably didn’t know that Lincoln paraphrased much of his Gettysburg address from this Bittersburg address.)

Copped my speech.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, my blog just turned double digits (10 years old) today. You will never have any idea how much work it takes to go from an immature 38-year-old, just wanting a platform to rant on, to an even more immature 48-year old who still wants to rant. In no other blog, movie, book or TV show, could you show such little progression and still be standing. This blog proves that not everything has to progress to survive. 10 years later, I’m still just a guy that sits on the couch and watches TV.

And yet today, I’m not celebrating the blog’s milestone, I’m celebrating myself. The blog didn’t do anything. I would celebrate all those who people who were my Day 1’s, but there are no Day 1’s. In fact, there probably aren’t even any year 4’s left. Anyone who read my blog from day 1 to year 4 is either long dead (from the blog game), or bandwagoned it well into year 5 when it was at its peak of 35 followers. Even my parents haven’t read all 1,344 published posts and even I haven’t been dedicated enough to time to finish the 481 drafts sitting in my to-be-published files.

A little late to the party, bandwagoner.

Hardly anyone made it through the Drought of 2018, where the bitterposting dried up. Not because I didn’t want to post, but because I couldn’t. WordPress, my old job and American Express conspired against bittermanity to shut the bitterness down. The first devious step was my old job, who shut down my old email address, which I used as the login for my blog. Then, WordPress did me dirty by shutting me down “because I had to get a new password” and “change my email”. They used circular reasoning by saying they would send me a link to reset my password, but they were going to send it to my email…which was the email that my old employer shut down. Then, when I tried the one last ditch to get into my blog, (by giving WordPress a credit card receipt) with a purchase I made from WordPress, American Express screwed my by giving me and my wife two different card number and two seperate bills, with mine only being available online.

The drought of 2018.

What they didn’t realize was that holding bitterness down is like trying to hold a balloon underwater. Eventually, we would burst free. When the great conspiracy of 2018, I lost many of my followers. But that’s okay, because they were all traitors to “Happiness” blogs and “real life”. We don’t need traitorous snakes around here anyways. Now, only the true bitterpeople follow.

Now we are all free to complain bitterly about anything and everything. We are free to tell those dang kids to get off our lawn. And that freedom is more important than some long, bloated speech that some president gave.

Freeeeedommmm to be bitttterrrrrr!

I mean really what important thing did that guy ever accomplish? Did he ever have a blog to complain about bitterness? Did he ever experience loss like losing his blog for 6 months? Did he ever lose a bunch of followers for things that were other people’s faults? Did he ever get stabbed in the back by his followers?

Probably not.

Happy Bitter Blogaversary to me. Actually Happy me doing this blog for 10 years. The blog didn’t do anything.

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter 1/2 a score ago Ben

14 thoughts on “Half a Score and 0 teen years ago…

  1. Congrats, old man! 😉 You made it! And guess what…I am still here, since almost the beginning, and you still haven’t managed to make me bitter. You have work to do, sir. *Salutes*

    Like

    • You sure do make it hard to make you bitter. You know, the world is trying hard to make you bitter too. The least you could do would be to try a little harder at being bitter. But don’t worry, I’m not giving up on making you bitter.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You will never have any idea how much work it takes to go from an immature 38-year-old, just wanting a platform to rant on, to an even more immature 48-year old who still wants to rant.

    I feel ya

    Great post

    Like

  3. Congratulations, Ben! I’ve celebrated my 10 years as well. I’d like to say it made me feel accomplished, but it only made me feel old. Bitter, indeed!

    Like

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