A little side note before we start. Yes, I’m the first person to do a side note at the beginning of a post. Excuuuse me. I’m extremely sorry about this. I’ve been typing Bitter Friday Giftures at the end of my titles for every Friday Giftures for 9 years now. No longer. It’s simply going to be BFG. Because I’m lazy and you all need to start getting used to it.

Now, on the regularly scheduled blog post. My whole life has been one big fail. I was a straight C student in math. A straight bottom of the line worker and middle of the road flirt. And when I say middle of the road, I mean the dirt road path that not even a Monster Truck’s would try to navigate. In other words, bad.

I’ve always wanted to be really smart, so I could finally hold my head high and turn my nose down on people. But when you aren’t the smartest tool in the car (and not very good at analogies), it makes it hard to look down on people. So I do my best to ignore people, so they might at least think that I’m looking down on them.

Recently though, I found a way to appear smart. Hang out with people that are dumb. Since most people I am around are really smart in some ways, (better at math, graphic design, marketing, etc) I can’t really do that. But thankfully, I’ve found a whole lot of people that boost my intelligence by a factor of 10 (I’ve heard that is some sort of math term).

Ever heard of the Game Show Network? Well, if you’ve never had the pleasure, you have to check it out. Your IQ will immediately jump 20 points as soon as you switch to the the channel. Then as you start watching you will see how smart you are. These people are some of the dumbest people I’ve ever seen. (And I’ve seen people on the Bachelor). Whether it is America Says, Family Feud, Common Knowledge, Chain Reaction or Get a Clue (these people really need to).

I know how all these shows are making money. They find the dumbest contestants to come on their shows and then watch them lose money every time. After watching dozens of shows on there, I’m convinced they do it of purpose. Jeopardy contestants these people are not. Some may claim that the pressure of being on a TV show is the reason why they are so bad. What pressure is there? I might be the only one that actually watches these shows. Either the producers completely wipe these people’s minds or they really are the dumbest people in America. I’m talking like they have all the letters except one for things like ASTRONAU and they can’t guess that the word is Astronaut. It’s mind boggling and yet life affirming to know that you aren’t the dumbest person ever.

After watching people on GSN, you will feel like you slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

On to the BFG’s…

Sometimes…

The only redeeming quality of Family Feud…

And Bitter Joey Fatone…

Buzz Lightyear…

This is no indictment on Kevin…

And Homer at his dumbest…

Harry and Lloyd….

But would be considered smart…

On the Game Show Network…

Celebrities on Celebrity Jeopardy…

Questions like this…

Yeah…

I’m not saying you should watch GSN all the time, because it could eventually make you as dumb as the people on the show. I’m just saying when you are feeling pretty down on your intelligence, you should just check out the low watt bulbs that inhabit the GSN that will lift your IQ at least 20 points just by watching it.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter GSN Smartener Ben