As the calendar flips to October, Halloweenites can finally breathe easy with knowledge that they can finally come out of the closet…with their decorations, costumes, candy and fake graveyards. I used to work with a guy that loved Halloween so much, that he said he started working on his costume for Halloween on November 1st.

I’ve always had a severe apathy for Halloween. It could happen or not happen and I would still somehow exist the next day. It means about as much as May 17th in my mind. Just another day. I think pumpkins are dumb, and taste even dumber, costumes are just hot clothes, and candy, well, I can eat that any other day of the year. But I can eat regular sized candy like an adult. At least that is what my drivers license says. There is nothing fun about fun-sized candy.

Speaking of licenses, Halloween is the excuse for everyone to act completely opposite of who they normally are. Accountants dress up as something interesting, CEO’s dress up as bums, and kids actually look forward to wearing masks.

Just like the kids on Stranger Things, Halloween is like the Upside Down. If this Upside Downiverse could take effect on me, that would mean I would want to dress up as Joy from Disney’s Inside Out, or that I was transformed into an evil Extrovert. Unfortunately for all of you, I was blessed with a vaccine called the Adamantium Bitterness Serum (similar to the Wolverine’s Adamantium) when I was very young. It makes my bones, body and spirit invulnerable to Halloween parties, Pumpkin Spice anything, and any kind of glee.

I’m basically Wolverine, but without the side effects of weird, bushy hair, long metal claws that retract out of my body, and invulnerability. And let’s he honest, who wants to live forever in this world where you have Halloween every year? And Wolverine IS a Halloween costume, so it would be year round Halloween for him.

Speaking of painful things, let’s get to the Bitter Friday Giftures shall we?

 

Somebody is a little too excited…

 

Some people are just so upside down…

 

Things start to get a little bit weird…

 

What sucks about Halloween…

 

And kids become scared…

And the beggars…

 

Maybe Batman should dress up…

 

Maybe Harry Potter should try something original for once…

 

Or maybe Drax could dress up…

 

If you think kids playing on your street…

 

Just wait until you try to come home…

                                                                         …to this madness.

Maybe on Halloween…

 

                                         …I’ll drive my tank down the street in this manner.

I’m just glad I have that I have the Adamantium vaccine so I’m immune to Halloween, so I don’t have to pretend to like it like you ingrates. 

 

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter The Upside Downiverse Ben