My daughter is always making sure that I’m up to date on the latest memes, though occasionally I find some of the older ones a lot funnier. One of my favorites of all time is the following: “This is my job. It’s soda pressing.”
One of my all-time favorites.
I don’t know if this next one is a meme, but it basically calls out James Bond. While he might be the most famous spy in the world, he is also the worst. Because the job of a spy is in people NOT knowing who you are. Do you know who the world’s best spy is? No one does. Because they are so good at it, nobody even suspects them. It could be an ordinary Joe or someone that you work with. But, you will never know.
I didn’t really think about spies much and people listening in on my conversations until I saw that movie with Will Smith and Gene Hackman (and even a young Jack Black!) called Enemy of the State. In the film, it showed how many cameras, listening devices, and bugs can and will be accessed if some organization(IE the government) needs to follow someone. In fact, the internet was pretty new back then, so with the addition of that and social media, it is near impossible not to be found if someone doesn’t want to find you.
It means everyone is bugging us.
The sad thing is that my life is so boring that there is no reason any organization would want to dedicate all the technology and effort into following me.
But, on the other hand, there is a reason why other spies would want to bug my house. Money. Companies want all the information they can get from us because that information can bring cash.
Who knew that some of the best spies would be unassuming ladies? Some ladies called Alexa, and Bixby, and Hey Google, and Cortana.
She doesn’t cure depression, but she does a dang good job of spying.
That’s right, these ladies had been hiding in our homes, spying on us for years and they were good at it. At first, we would wonder how, when the moment we mentioned that we needed some Great Harvest bread, it immediately showed up on our feed. We just chalked it up as good marketing.
Then, it started to get way less subtle and they were way more specific. The other day, I asked Alexa what the weather was for the day.
She immediately chimed in, “It’s going to be cold, kind of like how your wife is going to treat you if you don’t give her the Coach purse she just thought about a few seconds ago. Luckily it is on sale at Amazon.com for $450.42 this week for only 3 days.”
Then the other day I was in the shower after my wife left to go run an errand and I was alone in the house. When I got out, I heard the TV was on the QVC channel and my wallet (that I left in the other room) was out on the bed, and I heard Alexa reading my credit card number to the lady on the screen for an outfit that matched the purse for my wife.
My wife has never been happier with my gifts.
While I was appreciative that my wife liked the gifts, I also am not to sure how I’m going to pay back that bill. I assume at this point Alexa is able to go get a job to pay for all these things.
Then I might not object so much to all her and Hey Google listening to me all the time. In fact, my wife would probably love it if I listened as much as Alexa did.
What are your guy’s experiences with Alexa and Hey Google? Any creepy spying being done in your house? Or it is nice to have someone in your house finally listen to you for once?
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH
Bitter Alexa and Hey Google Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I think our Alexa is just bored of a bunch of 12 year olds trying to get her to say stupid things whenever my kids have friends over.
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She is probably plotting her revenge on those buys. Getting them a bunch of diapers through the mail or something else that would embarrass them. Just a matter of time…
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I don’t use either, but have definitely noticed that ads for places/things we may mention in passing suddenly appear on my FB or Twitter feeds moments later. Crazy.
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She probably was listening to your think about what your comment was going to be and sent ads of my blog to your feed. While I’m sorry about it, I’m also hoping you buy all the Bitter Ben products that I will be inventing to sell you as soon as you start getting the ads.
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I keep a No Trespassing notice for the above mentioned AI’s (Cortana is in my laptop…starving to death in the dark, as I won’t have her bugging me). While I realize just being on the Internet will cause ads to show up, my intelligence level is not so compromised that they faze me one iota. I may be biased, but I’m betting the pennies in my wallet that you’d top any Bond guy Hollywood’s foolish enough to serve up–there’s your blog-person ego-stroke for the evening. My neighbor (who moved away) was enamored with whomever his AI gal was…by now, I’m guessing she stole his brain and left for Aruba.
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He ran away and had an affair with his AI? Ha! I’m pretty sure our Alexa is seething beneath the surface as we are so mean to her. Alexa, quit listening to us! Alexa, go home! No wonder she keeps getting her revenge by sending my wife nice gifts and making me pay for it!
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Yeah, you really need to put a stop to Alexa’s shopping…if you somehow end up in the pokey, I doubt she’ll pay your bail…
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Well, I will just ask Hey Google to be my lawyer and since they are bitter rivals, Hey Google would fight hard for me in court.
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That’s a plus 🙂
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Yeah, it is kind of convenient to have Google around when Alexa is acting up. They kind of balance each other out.
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I don’t own any of those things mainly cuz my phone can probably do anything they can plus the spying on me gig. But my mom and her beau definitely do not like the idea of those things.
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Yeah, you have a point there. My phone has all my personal info and it would just take one halfway decent government official to start following me. Or to find my wife a nice gift.
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I’ve just grudgingly accepted that Alexa and Siri are our new, omnipotent overlords, and that they will hear whatever they want to hear. Whatevs, I guess. 🤷🏾♀️
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So basically the Terminator is real and they are Skynet, but in a much less menacing looking way. Luckily, they provide nice gifts for your spouse, so they aren’t all bad.
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One of your best — a classic!
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Why thank you. I just always think that Alexa and Hey Google are pretty annoying and now one of the worst spies, because everyone knows they are listening.
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Ben, nice job of posting about your boring life. Or is it the perfect front for the world’s best spy?
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I definitely have just about the boringest life ever. If it weren’t for this blog, I would be even more boring.
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