Hardest Working Appliance

You think your life is rough…

I assume all of you have seen Toy Story before, so I hope I’m not spoiling it all for you. In it, they answer the question, “What do my toys do when no one is around?”

Then there are those Secret Lives of Pets movies that explore a similar question. “What do my pets do when their owner’s go off to work every day?” I haven’t seen either of those movies, but I assume just eat and make a mess everywhere.

What were you doing while I was gone?

I think most wives have the same question about their husbands. The answer for most of the wives out there is this.  “We are usually picking up all the kids dirty clothes, starting a load of laundry, doing the dirty dishes and vacuuming if there is time.” Actually, we are don’t really do the vacuuming (honestly who can tell if you’ve vacuumed or not?).  I’m kidding, of course. If we manage to get up from the couch at all, know we been given way too many dirty looks from our wives about doing something, anything to improve the well-being of the house and were guilted into doing something.  Just know, that we probably started doing something maaaybe 15 minutes before you got home.

I’m pretty sure that is why I have a full-time job. If it wasn’t for that I would never do any work at all.

My question lately is, “What is all my furniture doing when I’m not around?”  The couch is probably just as lazy as I am, and the chairs and bed probably take after me and just lay around all day.   The mirrors are probably pretty full of themselves and pretty just stares at itself all day like Harry Potter with the Mirror of Erised.

Can you just stop staring at yourself?

In fact, I’m pretty sure the only one that does any work at all around the house is the TV, the hardest working appliance of all. No matter what time of day it is, that thing is running. The moment I get up in the morning, it’s on, regardless if I’m watching it or not. When I leave my wife takes over. Even if she’s doing chores, she’ll have it one. When I get home, it’s on for the rest of the night. I might leave to go run errands and but that bad boy is still operating.  Until midnight when I finally retire, it might finally get to rest, but not for long.

The TV is dying to just get one moment to sleep.

Does that poor thing do something while we are gone? I doubt, because it is heavy and plugged into a thousand different things. The BluRay player, the Xbox, the cable and the internet. That thing is the hardest working thing in our house. Even on Sundays when we are resting, we have that thing on to go to sleep to.

I’m guessing that is why TV’s get work burnout so quickly. I’m surprised most of them don’t quit and get a job at a telemarketing company. At they know that people would only use them for presentations and they would get two 15 minute breaks everyday.


Bitter Hardest Working Appliance Ben


8 thoughts on “Hardest Working Appliance

  1. I work my TV like that – but it’s not the hardest working appliance. That’s either the freezer we have in the garage — which has to keep shit frozen when the garage is 110-degrees — or the AC unit which for 6 months of the year has to keep the house under 74 degrees when its 105 outside… Phoenix is hell on appliances.


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