Venmo Bitter Friday Giftures


There is a social media app out there that I think many of you are missing out on.  On the surface you might think that Venmo is just another way to pay people without actually paying them, you would be wrong. In fact, if you are on Instagram mostly just to look at other people’s pictures, which I mostly am, this app takes it to a whole other level. If you think looking at other people’s pictures is slick, just wait until you see what other people are paying for. For some strange reason (probably my entertainment), when you pay someone on Venmo you can use emojis to express what you paid people for.

But the most bizarre feature on Venmo is that most people’s payments are public. Basically anyone you have every paid, or got paid for on Venmo can choose to make their payment to another either private or public. I usually choose private, but most people either don’t care, or don’t remember to make it private. This leaves you with a timeline like on Facebook or Instagram, but more entertaining, because people usually use really funny emoji’s that they think are an inside joke, but really they are public to people like me who are just reading the timeline to figure out what you are doing with your cash.

Not only does it allow me to sneakily find out what you are doing, but also all your inside jokes. And that you have way too much money and should be Venmoing money to me. Enough about the latest social media app. Let’s talk Bitter Friday Giftures.

Let’s all pretend…

…that we are living for enlightenment.

Let’s all pretend…

…that we just want to make the world a better place.

Let’s all pretend…

…we’re just trying to learn new things.

Let’s make believe…

…we’re all just trying to connect.

Let’s live in a Utopian world…

…where we are just learning to dance.

Let’s think we have meaning…

…because we came up with a new idea.

Let’s think of a magical world…

…where you are loved because of your personality.

Let’s pretend…

…life is fun because of spending time with others.

Let’s pretend we live in a world…

…where making it rain is just the water from the skies.

Let’s pretend that we live in world…

…this isn’t everyone’s favorite kind of lettuce.

Let’s pretend we live in a world…

…where this guy is saying, “SHOW ME THE CUSTOMER SERVICE AND ATTENTION!”

Let’s live in a world where this girl is famous… 

…for her talents.

I know you all believe that talent, and enlightenment, making the world a better place and spending time with others is real purpose of life, but let’s be honest with ourselves. You know those reasons I listed why Venmo was the best social media app at the beginning of this post? It was all lies. The reason why Venmo is the best social media out there is because cash.


Bitter Venmo Loving Ben


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