Job Store Bitterness


The Black Hole of cool.

I grew up in South Dakota, which is basically a black hole for anything cool, including me. I blame the fact that I am the world’s leastest cool person on growing up there. Man, did we struggle to come up with entertaining things to do for fun. We got tired of tipping all the cows(as did they) and driving the main street every Friday. These things did not make us any more attractive to the ladies. We did have a mall, where we stayed in shape from stalking the hot girls, but unfortunately, they were in even better shape from running from us.

If there is something that I’ve always been bad at besides talking to girls, it was getting a job. When it finally came time to working for the man at 15, and not doing a paper route or mowing the lawn, my dad told me to hit the pavement and start what he called “applicating”. Basically, he dropped me and my brother off at the mall and we were supposed to go store to store, asking if they had an application we could fill out and then we begged for a job.

The only reason I got my first job, was because Little Caesar’s was training a new manager and he didn’t really know what he was doing. He quickly interviewed me on the spot and hired me, not knowing I had no experience whatsoever. So I started with no training and no one to mentor me. Usually, they would stick me in the back, ask me to run the dough into a machine that would flatten it, then put it in the pan and sprinkle some stuff on it. Over and over, until we had way too many pans filled with dough, stacked to the ceiling. Then I would spend the rest of my time hiding out in the freezer, or in the bathroom. I did have to answer the phone because everyone else was busy actually putting ingredients on the pizzas, or cooking them.

Thanks for bringing up the horrible memories by the way.

So now that I am reliving the horrible experience of looking for a new job, ie “applicating”, it reminds me of all the “great” advice I get from people about getting a job.

1. Get some experience by doing work for free.

2. Just start your own business.

3. I saw a “Now Hiring” sign for Walmart, Target, The Gap the other day.

4. Have you ever tried Indeed, Monster, Glassdoor, LinkedIn?

5. Just go store to store and ask for an application.

6. Just become Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/YouTube/Tik Tok famous and become an influencer.

7. Just use networking, that’s how 80% of people get jobs now right?

Just like I just quoted.

Every time I hear advice like this I think of my my favorite meme of all time from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia(I’ve never seen more than a few episodes) where the one guy is advised to just go get a job. He basically says very sarcastically, Oh okay, I’ll just get on my job pants, get into my job car, get some job gas in the car, and go down to the job store where you can just pick jobs off the job tree.

I’ve got answers for all the questions above, and all of them are very sarcastic.

Just know that if you come thinking you have advice, know that I’ve heard it all and I have a very sarcastic answer waiting for each thing you advise. Unless you know someone that has an actual job available that can get me an interview, please proceed back to the job store.


Bitter Job Store Ben

The links in this post contain affiliate links, and I will receive a small commission if you make a purchase after clicking on my link.

Target Deal of the Day: Aalto Computer Desk – White – Christopher Knight Home. Since you are actively shopping at the Job Store, you might as well get more comfortable in your home office so you enjoy your job when you bring it home from the Job Store. Here is a nice computer desk you can put that computer on. It is on sale for $97.49, which is way less than the $129.99 you would have paid for it.


18 thoughts on “Job Store Bitterness

  1. Your formative years in South Dakota sound a lot like my formative years in Mississippi, except that I didn’t have a cool job like you did. Working in legitimate stores at the mall were where all the cool/rich/good-looking kids worked. I managed to get jobs like janitor, gas pumper (there were still full-service gas stations back then), roof tar application technician, and even lackey (though I didn’t know there was a cool title for it back then). Ah, good times!

    Good luck with the job search. I won’t offer you any worn-out platitudes, but I’ll quote the immortal Red Green at the end of each of his mid-life musings segment, “Remember, I’m pulling for you. We’re all in this together.”


  2. I was hired a few dozen times over the course of my working life. I think the key to being hired was somehow being in the right place at the right time. So my advice to you is to somehow figure out how to be in the right place at the right time. Nothing to it, really.


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