If I were a King for a Day Friday Giftures


If I were declared king for a day, that would be a little weird because I don’t think I want to live in the UK, or other places where there was a king, but my first declaration would be that my kingly salary would continue after I was king, then resign, and go off to an expensive suburb where people are hypnotized into not knowing who I was. Wow, what a day that would be.  But I’m only working 8 hours that day, because family/life balance right? And also my commute better not be more than 45 minutes and that includes getting into the limo. That being said, enjoy your Bitter Friday Giftures.

Oh gosh, I just realized as king, I might have to watch soccer…

…hopefully this would be the entertainment. 

Who needs roundabouts…

…when you are king, shortest distance is a straight line.

When you are king…

…no one is really afraid of you. 

Talk about ghosting…

…even ghosts get to have filters nowadays. 

In the royal palace…

…you have moose guarding you from renegade vacuum cleaners. 

And Shamu there…

…to take out any paparazzi. 

The transportation…

…is top notch. 

Now that is a great use for Photoshop…

…as a king I demand you do this for my entertainment. 

Also if you could keep the temperature…

…here, I would love to watch skaters go under. 

And we are going to need this things…

…at the Beningham Palace. 

Let’s make sure Slash…

…is playing during Congress meetings or whatever. 

Ah yes, and most important…

…I’m going to need the backfire pranks. 

Well, it was fun for a while, but after being king for a day, I realized that it was only being used for my amusement and money. So since the salary is continuing and the amusement I can provide for myself, I am stepping down as you king. Besides there is only so much soccer I can watch.


Bitter King Ben



25 thoughts on “If I were a King for a Day Friday Giftures

  1. If, by any chance, you get named King of Denmark… Can you pass on the Royal stick and crown to me when you resign, please?

    I would probably suck as a queen, but if I can get myself a double citizenship before they kick me off the throne, it’ll be worth trying! 😛


  2. Watch soccer? Sunglasses… that way when you fall asleep for a bitterly needed nap, it should go largely unnoticed. Not like anything was going to happen, anyway.


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