When we first moved to this place that we are living, we were worried about finding a place to put all our stuff. Don’t get me wrong, we threw away, donated or sold a majority of our things, but we still had a bunch of stuff that we needed, but didn’t need right now. You know, like dishes, and forks and spoons, and my 84 foot high HDTV that I wish we could have just used to replace this tiny TV we are using now. Luckily I have my own storage unit for pizza and the rest of the inadequate other edibles that like to pass themselves off as food. It is my belly. It is the best storage unit because it stores things that actually mean things. A lot of people don’t like to use their stomachs as storage units, but why would you want to get rid of all that perfectly good pepperoni pizza you had a few hours ago, when you can savor it in your stomach storage unit.
Anyways, now that you are completely horrified, take a look at some Friday Giftures.
That what he gets…
…for disrespecting the sanctity of the lazyboy by not lounging on it.
That’s why he gets for…
…thinking high fiving is still cool.
That’s what he gets…
…for stealing my food.
That’s what he gets…
…for thinking he didn’t have to get off his American Airlines flight.
That’s what Andy Slamberg gets…
…for thinking he needed a ladder to slam dunk.
That’s what she gets…
…for trying to attempt such a hard flip.
This is what she gets…
…for horsing around.
This is what he gets…
…for killing trees in front of other trees.
This is what he gets…
…for trying to achieve goals with his head.
This is what he gets…
…for trying to drink diet soda.
This is what he gets…
…for trying to overcome hurdles in life.
This is what he gets…
…for asking for help getting something down.
So this weekend, make sure you only put the most important things in your storage unit, namely pizza. Don’t let that gross stuff like kale and fruits and vegetables in there, because they will just go bad from neglect. Stay bitter, my friends.
ARRRRGGGHHHH
Bitter Storage Unit Ben