I’ve spent quite a lot of time in my career in customer service, which as you know is a really bad thing, because I’m horrible at it. People can sense it with me when I’m on the phone with them. They can feel the gritted teeth, the sarcastic tone, and they can see the eye rolling through the phone. You have probably noticed how horrible the customer service has been around this blog for a while too.
Just imagine that I’m like the guys and girls from The Office. I’m pretty much in auto phone answering mode like Pam, when she answers the phone. “Ben’s Bitter Blog, this is Ben.” You can hear the voice, but there is just no enthusiasm in it. You can probably imagine I’m Stanley on the other side of the internet. You are talking, but I’m just filling out my crossword puzzle.
I’m like Jim, telling you about my job. I give people quotes about paper, the size of it, the weight, telling them if it is in stock. I’m boring myself, just talking about it. But mostly I’m like Creed. I have no idea what I’m doing here. If someone actually backed me into a corner, to explain it, I wouldn’t really know what to tell them.
I used to actually be pretty good at customer service around here. I would post almost every other day. I would answer comments right away. I would follow other people’s blogs and make comments. Nowadays, the customer service is really bad. I sometimes get a post or two in a week. (Can never miss a Friday Giftures post, but other than that, pretty sporadic.) I blame others. If it wasn’t for all those people that rejected my job applications, I would be sitting in an office, slaving away for 20 or 30 minutes a day, while the rest of the time, writing posts, answering comments, visiting other people’s posts, writing comments on their blogs, and coming up with ideas for things that make me bitter while in meetings.
Don’t they know that a productive blog starts with having a job that makes you bitter? Instead, I’m sitting here watching my stats fall in real time. My blog is suffering like a sick guy having the flu in winter, watching the seconds tick by with gray clouds and cold weather outside his window. And the eyes are rolling on the other side of the screen, wondering when is the true bitterness going to come out.
Followers of this blog are asking, “When am I going to be able to rant again and get an actual answer within a week so there is some sort of bitter momentum to this conversation?” The bitter sarcasm doesn’t seem to be near as lethal. The gritted teeth you’ve come to expect just aren’t grinding to a pulp like they used to.
Don’t worry, though. Someday, that sarcasm, that eye rolling, that teeth gritting will return. You will feel it through the internet again. You will feel your keyboards heat up, you will feel that deep, painful, darkness in your soul again. Just be patient. It will bring you to new lows someday when you least expect it, and it will come more powerful than ever.
So go ahead and comment about this. I’ll get back to you in a day or three.
Bitter Customer Diservice Ben