As you may not know, or care, I am in the bitter throes of anguish as I recently completed my short bit of schooling and am now searching for a job. Just so you know, in case you’ve never had this trouble, the only thing worse than having a job, is not having a job and having to look for one. It’s pure torture just like work, except you don’t get paid for it. It is mind numbing and death defying and humiliating. It’s like volunteering, except getting nothing out of it.
Filling out applications are like performing surgery, except a little more boring and lot more pressure. Writing a resume that lies properly about your skills just enough to match some asinine write up an HR rep get paid to sound like a job that is impossible for anyone to do(entry level job – 5 years of database analysis required), just so they can give the job to the bosses incompetent son, is like pulling a camel through a needle in a haystack.
By the way do any of you know if anyone is hiring in anything? (I only ask so I can say I networked or whatever.)
I bet you are wondering how the heck the most bitter guy in the world could have anything in common with the guy most people called the Happiest Place on Earth (or guy). Well, let me just tell you that I saw a movie portraying the life of Mr. Walter Disney and it was about his early life. And as you know, all movies are 100% true just like Wikipedia, so everything I say here is 100% fact.
Walt was a good drawer. He liked it pretty much from the beginning and did animation as a job. Then he got kicked from the program because they didn’t need that many people (#1 Walt got layed off for lack of work at the company. I got laid off from Little Caeser’s for lack of motivation.)
Walt started his own company cause he didn’t want to work for the man. Named it after himself. Hired his friend that also worked at the company, but got laid off. Did a lot of work for company, didn’t get paid very well for it (#2 I also did a lot of work for many companies, didn’t get paid very well for it), ran out of money and couldn’t even pay some employees. Then some employees had to pay him for his expenses and his company went belly up. Didn’t have enough money to keep company afloat and was homeless and talking to a mouse. (Perhaps, he should have used the mouse as a symbol for his company later on.)
Walt was out of a job now(#3 I am also out of one now). I now have justification to say that I am just a few small breaks and a talent or two short of being a worldwide phenomenon. A future billionaire owner of a bitter dynasty that will make films, demusement parks, and merchandise that will clutter every closet, every under the bed storage, every chicken house, hen house, outhouse and residential house in the world.
Walt had to move to California. I was born there. (#4 We both resided in the state of California at some point in history.)
Walt took more money from people in order to start his business again. But this time he made his sick brother Roy handle the finances of the business while he screwed things up distributors and other financial guys. (#5 I also screw things up with people.)
While Disney was trying to get more money from distributors, employees were making deals behind his back to leave the company for competitors while Walt was taking care of business (#6 I also had a co-worker steal a Dilbert mouse pad from my cubicle while I was away. And it was animated.)
And last of all, Disney tried to enter the dangerous world of trying to date an employee at work. He failed miserably by actually marrying this girl and staying married to her for 41 years until he died(she spent a lot of his money). Me on the other hand, successfully ditched those girls who I dated at work, with only a punch to the head, an elbow to the gut, and a kick in the butt. But they never spent $50 million on a concert hall or $4 billion on Marvel, or Star Wars for $4 billion, so I came out better in this one.
In the end, both me and Walt knew the struggle of trying make ends meet. But he moved on from that pretty quickly. But don’t sleep on me. I was talking to a hamburger just the other day, so you never know when the Bitter Burger Entertainment Franchise will pop up and you will wish you were nicer to me.
Bitter Gardner Franchise Ben