Sometimes having hands is a good thing, because they come in handy (pun very much intended), but most of the time they are burden. When you have them, people expect you to do things with them like help. My mother all growing up would say things like, “You have two hands, you can get them yourself” or “Can you do the dishes? You have two hands that can help you do that” Sometimes they are such a burden. Uggh. The worst part is sometimes just like the intense rivalry between the right Twix and they left Twix, the hands are constantly fighting each other. So which hand wins in the bitter feud between left and right?
Switch these things if you are left handed (and by the way, if you are left handed you are probably a witch or wizard that didn’t get into Hogwarts. I’m talking to you mom.)
Right hand: always having to do all the work, gets all the credit. Left hand: kind of lazy, never get any props.
Right hand carries all the groceries. Left hand pushes the door open.
Right hand, throws the ball, blocks the goal, shoots the ball, whacks the hockey. Left hand catches the ball, guides the ball, puts itself on the top of the handle in hockey, moves to the side when blocking a goal (when it is a foot).
Right hand gets all the glory letters like H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Y, :, ; “, ?, ., brackets, +, =, -, _ enter and all the numbers, Left hand gets all the dumb beginning and ending alphabet letters like A,B,C,D,E,F,G, and Q,R,S,T, V,W,X and Z, and Tab, Caps Lock, Shift and the ~ and `.
Right hand has to shovel all the sidewalks, left hand has to block all the snowballs thrown at face.
Right hand pushes the pump on the shampoo and soap, left hand gets to hold the soap and shampoo.
Right hand pours the milk and helps chow down on the food, left hand swipes on the phone while eating the food.
Right hand throws the devastating uppercut, left hand throw the sneaky jabs.
Right hand catches the drool from nights open mouth, left hand reaches over to annoy partner.
Right hand types the devastating insults, left hand types subtle, sneaky jabs.
Right hand delivers the delicious caramely goodness by cascading on the right Twix, left hand envelopes the chocolately sweetness on the Left Twix.
Right hand is super bitter for having to do all the work, left hand is super bitter for never getting any credit.
So which hand makes you more bitter, the right or the left (or some other hand?) Which one wins in this bitter feud of the ages?
ARRRRGGGHHHHH
Bitter Hand it To Me Ben
I’ve actually made my left side, hand included stronger than my right. For the one main reason I am right handed. Do the side u don’t write with tends to sluff off. Enjoyed reading your blog.
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My right side is pretty lazy too. The only difference is my right hand being kind of a jerk and telling my right hand to do stuff.
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I hear u
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They both excel in not doing much for me.
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My left hand acts as a buffer to the watch in standard left wrist position. Without it, my watch bill would be huge.
It’s simple economics. Left wins all day long for me.
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And if you didn’t have your left, you wouldn’t have something to put your watch on. Instead you would have to look at your phone.
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I am overwhelmed by how much thought you put into that.
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I was also overwhelmed by all the words I had to type. Both my hands were totally overworked for that post.
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I wonder what it would be like to just use my brain for everything. Just make things happen by thinking about them. Then you could truly be “hands free.”
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If I used my brain for everything, I would be in big trouble. Hopefully my hands can figure out things independently from the brain or else they won’t get anything done.
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I just imagine the things that I could do…did you ever see Scanners?
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I haven’t seen Scanners. Is it about people who drive cars and have scanners to protect them from speeding?
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No, nut I could have used one this summer. It is about individuals who are telepathic & can blow up people’s heads. You know. The touchy feely kind of movie.
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I like that idea. How do I get these powers? Not that I would ever blow someone’s head up, just that I would you know, threaten to do it.
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I think it was a genetic enhancement.
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I think my bitterness is a genetic enhancement.
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That is a whole other kind of Xman
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I would say so. I am the mutant of bitterness. What is a cool name for that?
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Bitterzoid…..
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Sounds like a good evil character. When is my audition?
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Well, Jon Favreau is kind of tied up right now we will have to wait until the next Avengers, Hall of Justice or whatever superhero movie is in the mix.
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I would like to throw my hat in the ring for the Justice League. The Hall of Doom I think is the enemy to the Justice League.
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Don’t you think Bitterzoid has a home in the Hall of Doom though?
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Bitterzoid even annoys his Evil Co-workers.
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Maybe he could implode the Hall of Justice, the Avengers, Xmen & other franchises. You would be the sequel buster.
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That would be the goal. Make everyone bitter about each other to the point where they won’t go to each other’s employee picnics.
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Employee picnics were another thing I hated about working.
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I bet they are way more fun than working though. And imagine how they are now that you are self-employed. Any time you get pizza at Pizza Hut it is a company picnic.
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They are! One of the reasons why they are better now? No one but me is there….
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Exactly. The best kind of company party.
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Agreed!
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I feel bitter about lazy left hand.
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My left hand is the weak one, but he is trying hard to take over and eat all my Twix bars, the right and the left.
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This was so good!!!😁😁
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I wish it was good, but unfortunately, my left hand is trying to take over, even though it isn’t dominate.
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I think this post was unsupportive of left handed people. The Coalition of The Underserved Lefties will be in contact shortly!
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I’m sure Ned Flanders and Pres. Clinton are probably coming after me right now. Oh and my left handed mom too.
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Those of us who are ambidextrous (yes, really) wipe both hands of any notion that there must be a winner between the right hand the left. It takes two hands to clap.
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There must always be a grudge, even if you are ambidextrous. I have figured out a way to bat both left and right, but anything else is my right beating up my left.
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Well, if there can only be one winner, then it is clearly the right hand. Sneakiness and laziness are for losers. Hard-working right-hand deserves the kudos!
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Sneakiness and laziness is what I’m all about! So maybe I should be left handed…
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When playing the cello, my left hand got to actually make the notes on the neck of the instrument while the right hand could only work the boring bow or pluck the strings, which is kind of a pain. I don’t play the cello any more and I’m a little bitter about that. Incidentally, in typing, e and t are the most commonly used letters (left hand), followed by n, o (right hand), r (left hand), i (right hand), a and s (left hand). For what that’s worth. Additionally, my first grade teacher taught us, “the windows are on the left, the clock is on the right” (of our classroom), which messed me up for life. To this day, I have to make the little L for loser to be sure which is my left hand (and I never learned that trick till I was in my early 20s). I am extremely bitter about that. Thank you for asking.
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Until I did research for this post (ha, research) I didn’t know how the letters were organized. It seems to make a little more sense now that I actually look at them, but still they are spread all over.
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True dat. I just wanted to show off that I know the most often used letters in order.
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I commend you for your typing skills. My hands are always fighting so bad that I can only type like one word per hour. That’s why my posts are always so out of date. I just finished a post I started four years ago.
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What exemplary persistence, to finish something you began four years ago. I admire you for it.
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That is something I’ve never been accused of. Persistence is what I call laying on the couch for hours and hours.
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Don’t forget patience. I keep thinking if only I wait long enough the dishes will get tired of waiting and wash themselves. It hasn’t worked yet, but perhaps I haven’t given it enough time.
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I keep thinking that money will come to me, but I doesn’t seem to come to my way. I guess planting that dollar bill in the ground isn’t paying off yet.
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Seems like right hand and left hand need to shake hands and call a truce. That’s what heart, who does not like conflict, would suggest
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I think the bitter way would be for the hands to resolve their differences by fighting. A brawl to solve it all.
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Left hand = sinister; right hand = adroit. Don’t be left out: be dexterous.
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I’ve tried to be ambidextrous, but both my hands are out to destroy me, so I’ve decided to be lazy in order to make them more lethargic.
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I’m starting to get arthritis in my fingers. Eating with chopsticks has become a dangerous affair. Alas: our local sushi bar doesn’t do forks. I’ve taken to stabbing!
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I couldn’t even eat sushi if they made us use chopsticks. I would probably have to sneak forks into the restaurant.
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I have been thinking of doing that: little plastic ones like they use on picnics and put in the Chinese takeout!
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Perhaps I will use that for my pizza franchise. Chopsticks for pizza. The best way to make someone bitter.
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Of course, hollow chopsticks and you can suck soup with them. Collateral multi-tasking!
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And a new revenue source!
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