The Dark Side of Bitter Friday Giftures

 

As you all know, the first day of Winter was a few days ago and you know what that means. Darkness. More and more hours of darkness. In my opinion, daytime is super overrated. People can clearly see what you are doing, activities happen during the day, work and driving are more common, and accidents are less likely to happen. In the dark, there is the possibility of ice that you can’t see very well, and the potential for mayhem is much higher.

The best part is scary movies are way more scary at night. So enjoy this darkness while you can because the light is coming soon and that just means more hours of having people see you in your harshest light. And nobody has time for that. You know what people do have time for? Friday Giftures. Twelve of them to be exact. Like the Twelve Days of Bitterness right?

Some people weren’t adopted by the darkness…

sdfd

…they were born into it.

I don’t want to say I’m right…

...

…but if this butterfly were released in the dark, that bird might not have seen it.

Things are so much better in the dark…

...

…like I wouldn’t have tried this leap had it been nighttime.

This crab would have won the fight…

...

…had he joined the dark side.

It is so much easier to kick off your shoes…

...

…at night…when you are home.

You know you’ve reached a dark part of your life…

......when you start wandering around the Barbie aisles.

……when you start wandering around the Barbie aisles.

You know what is going to break first?…

..

…me, because I haven’t had breakfast.

I wish I had more power from the darkside…

...

…cause our Wi-fi is super weak right now.

I would love to tell you things are great for you, but they aren’t…

...

…them’s the breaks.

You wanna know what Santa does after dark?…

...

…well, you probably don’t really want to.

You might you think you are tough…

...

…but I’m not sure you have the snowballs.

So go ahead and try to break through…

...

…but I doubt you can make it through the glass ceiling.

Alright, well I gotta go. Some strange gift giving ritual or light festival or something. Well, that will all take place during the day. Thankfully, I will have all the time in the world to hang out in the dark.

ARRRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Spiderman in the Dark Ben

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36 thoughts on “The Dark Side of Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. Actually, the first day of winter is the darkest day. It starts getting lighter after this.

    Now you have something else to be bitter about. You wanted more darkness so you could be bitterer about it. πŸ™‚

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  2. Some things are better in the dark. After all, who wants to go to a drive-in movie in the day time (there’s still one left in our area). There’s so much distraction with all the young couples screwing in their cars that you can’t focus on the movie–and no telling what that stuff is that they sprayed on the popcorn.

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  3. Yes, scary movies are scarier in the dark, Ben. I highly recommend watching Brittany Spears’ “Crossroads” that way! I am getting the chills just thinking about it. I think John Travolta had worse problems than the Barbie aisle. I was thinking his hairstyle should only be seen in the dark. Oh, BTW, enjoy that light blinking thingy that is happening this weekend. Stay bitter!

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