Yesterday while we were watching my son play his first tackle football game, it was super hot and sunny, so we decided to retreat to some shade so I wouldn’t get sunburned for the seventh time this summer. Utter failure as always. When we finally sat down, we realized that we were in the middle of an epic tornado of dragonflies. I’ve never really been freaked out by dragonflies because they are pretty harmless, but when they form a horde around you, they become pretty freaky. I thought we were in the middle of a dragonfly apocalypse.
At some point we thought the game was mercifully over, so we somehow made it out of the swarm of dragonflies. But it wasn’t without a few close calls. A couple of weeks earlier, we went to a great aunt’s house and she had a hummingbird feeder. Surprisingly, hummingbird’s show up. It was at this time that I noticed that hummingbirds and dragonflies both seem pretty harmless, and have similar flight patterns. But really they are both just waiting in the “wings” to take over this world while we sit idly by.
So, which of these “sneeky terrorist fliers” are going to take over before we all know it?
First up to plate: Dragonflies
They are named after the Dragon, who as far as I know only exist in folklore like Game of Thrones or Pokemon. Unlike the yellowjacket or mosquito, who you run from because they can sting you, or give you some Zika, dragonflies can’t sting, bite or mame like a dragon. But their twitchy flying pattern suggests that there is much more to these “harmless” creatures. They are like the harmless butterfly in that they seem gentle and fly around randomly, but in a bit of randomness can “accidentally” land on you and all of a sudden their horde is surrounding you and harmlessly killing humans one horde at a time. Pretty soon they will be much more dangerous than even the dragons or the flies they are named after.
Next up: Hummingbirds
While Hummingbirds are supposed to be equally harmless, have you seen these guys ravage the food in Hummingbird feeders? They have beaks like a Woodpecker, and the speed of a fighter jet from Top Gun flown by Goose and Maverick. I heard somewhere that they are the world’s fastest bird, which would be fine if they could control where they went. But have you seen these reckless fliers? It would be like putting a kid who had a little too much milk to drink in the fastest Lamborghini in the world. On those National Geographic specials, they like to show you the “majestic” slow motion wing flapping, but what they don’t show you is the E! True Hollywood story behind the scenes Hummingbird feeder fueled crashes they cause on the Aviary Highways.
So, what sneaky harmless killers scare you the most? Which would you be more surprised to take over this world in an apocalypse? Who wins the battle between the horde like Dragonfly or the Out of Control Hummingbird?
ARRRRRGGGHHHHH
Bitter Rivalry Ben
Ben, I just came across this post. You were solar-toasted seven times? Oy. You needed something subtle, like: https://www.ebay.com/itm/Sun-Protection-Clothing-HOOD-covers-face-head-from-UV-damage-SPF50-heat-gear-/201324657288 [NOT an affilliate link!]
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Yeah, I definitely need that thing. Not only so I could avoid the sun, but other people. Who’s going to approach someone wearing that thing? I would suggest they sell it as a people avoider. They would make so much more money.
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oh geeez, Ben, ‘people avoider’ is a great idea! The character of Rat in Pearls Before Swine would be first in line to buy one!
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So I just need to get some fictional characters to read my book and they will buy stuff? Sounds like a new invention will be in the works.
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Hummingbirds can get territorial. If they get horny enough, they will chase your ass out of your own backyard.
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Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about that too much. I don’t really go in my back yard. Or outdoors.
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In all honesty, I would have to say the hummingbird is definitely the most terrifying. I can almost imagine one inserting it’s pointy little beak into my cornea and sucking out all my eye juices. Brilliant post, by the way!
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They are definitely terrifying. I hate their way too busy wings. Who has time to do that kind of work all the time. Don’t they ever just want to sit on a couch and chill?
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There is one who likes to sit on his deck with a daiquiri. I believe his name is Bob and he is shunned by the other hummingbirds.
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If I was a hummingbird, I would definitely be hanging with Bob. Though I prefer couch and the indoors, but I’m guessing humans wouldn’t like me on their couches.
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Sounds terrifying!! But you successfully made such a good read that left me laughing! Happy Friday Bitter Ben and thanks for the laughs
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You know it. Always glad to help Fridays be a little more bitter.
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You are genuinely Bitter Ben indeed. Have a great bitterly type weekend😉
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I will do so, because it is Labor Day weekend here. Why I would want to labor on a weekend is beyond me.
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Lol!!
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Dragonflies do bite. I rescued one from a shop recently by holding the end of it’s tail. It kept turning around to try and bite me.
I am sure cicadas are the next horrendous predator ready to take over the world. How can they make so much noise with their back legs???
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So you got a dragonfly to actually slow down enough so you could get him loose (or her I guess). I’ve never seen one sit still, just like my kid.
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He was in a store trying to get out the window so I just grabbed his tail. I have many years experience of catching lizards that the cats bring in. If you hold your arm out, dragonflies will sometimes land on you, especially if you are hot and sweaty!
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Wow you are pretty brave to just grab. Those things creep me out.
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Wuss! LOL!
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Yeah, maybe I should go around trying to annoy bees and alligators so I can prove my toughness. Or I could just sit on my couch watching TV and not caring about any of that.
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Ha, ha, ha!
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I think I will stick with the couch.
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I think that’s best…😃
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Yeah things are always better from the couch for me.
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I hope you have a non-wuss wife who can deal with creepy crawlies and gets off the couch? 😄
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She is a non-wuss that is always off the couch, but I have to get the creepy crawlies. Just not the dragonflies.
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LOL!
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Terriflying.
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Nice one.
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The dragonflies and hummingbirds will probably attack each other first, causing mutually assured destruction. This will leave humans in control until we too, attack each other, causing mutually assured destruction.
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Yeah, maybe dragonflies and hummingbirds will have a soccer match and end up injuring each others knees in horrific overacted displays of foul and each get red cards.
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I’m on the humming birds side. We don’t have hummingbirds in Scotland and they’re fabulous. We do have dragonflies though and I saw one once eat a new so exterminate the dragonflies. They’re the source of the bee population dying out.
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Eat a bee!!! Stupid phone autocorrect!!!!!!!
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Don’t eat bees. Dangerous for your health, but maybe they will leave a sweet honey taste at least.
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Dragonflies eat bees? Now that is so strange. And no hummingbirds in Scotland? I guess that makes for no debate.
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I have a pic somewhere of the murder taking place in the Scottish Highlands.
I don’t think it’s warm enough in Scotland for hummingbirds. But we have haggis to make up for no hummingbirds 😉
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I’d go with dragonflies. Imagine if they somehow ingested some growth hormone and reproduced. They’d be the scariest looking thing on the planet.
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Yeah they would. They would be pretty annoying when they started coming after you and freaking you out with their crazy flight.
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Suffice to say..it won’t be humans.
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Humans are on a whole new level of annoying.
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Actually, I think dragonflies DO bite. It’s just not common. And I’ll take the dragonflies and wee birds over fire ants and horseflies any day.
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Yeah, I’ve heard that fire ants are the worst. Like your skin is on fire. And the buzzing of horseflies are the worst.
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Both equally terrifying if they are coming at me in droves. I also find that birds in general are kinda freaky. Hitchcock would agree with me on this one…
Also, never trust a bird that doesn’t actually sing. Hummingbird? Psht!
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Yeah really. You don’t see Hummingbird’s hanging around with Snow White and Aurora and Belle. I think Princesses get freaked out by Hummingbird’s excessive flights.
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But one did hang out with Pocahontas, so she bucked the stereotype.
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That is true. I forgot about that movie. Actually, I don’t think I saw that movie.
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I’m going to cast my vote for hummingbirds. I can imagine that, while everyone is busy being hypnotized by the hummingbird’s rare beauty and fluttering wings, it can zip in and wreak havoc wherever it wants. Dragonflies seem formidable, but where’s the stealth?
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Yeah, Hummingbird’s are all kinds of sneaky. Everyone is impressed with its amazing speed, while they are taking wallets, and robbing banks.
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I think the dragonfly is probably the most ominous of these too fascinating creatures, they certainly look like aliens …so, who knows where they are from. The hummingbird is probably (aside from the ant)the strongest, imagine the energy it takes for those tiny wings to hold up that body…that’s why they flap so fast and constantly. That’s what I think.
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I think dragonflies are definitely from another planet. And hummingbird’s need to calm down a little, maybe take some valium because they are so high strung.
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🙂
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I’d much rather a dragon then a hummer.
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Yeah, hummers happen a little too fast.
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The humming birds are so small and quick. They could dart in front of your face, peck your eyes out, and dart away before you could say “Help!!” I’m voting for humming birds. All you need is a good bug spray to kill a swarm of dragonflies. Just saying.
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I think they are both a little sneaky terrifying though. They could both take over things pretty quickly, Hitchcock style.
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Let’s pray this never happens. Lol
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I know right? I would be a messed up world to be ended by one of these weird creatures.
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So true, my friend.
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You bitter believe it.
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Let’s hope not. 🙂
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