Bitter Friday Party Giftures

Friday’s are normally associated with pizza, being lazy at work, and Parties. One of these things are not like the other. I’ve never much liked parties, because I don’t like loud, I don’t like people, I don’t like talking and I don’t like being on someone else’s couch. In fact, the only good thing about them is that you don’t have to clean up after yourself and you can provoke other people into fighting because people are so intense at parties.

There are many reasons why people like to party…Let’s take a look at giftures that explain why people like to party:

Some people like to start the party off slowly…


…by trying a little dancing.


While others like the more direct approach…


…of burning down the house.

Some are a little standoffish…


…while others are a little more affectionate.

Some like to come for the fun…


…while others prefer not to save any drama for their mothers.

Some like to…


…make up their own dances…

While others…


…like the Funky Chicken or the Penguin Dance.

Some like to play…


…the crazy pranks…

While others…


…like to laugh and not let any of the others play any reindeer games.

Some have to leave early…

...because they have to go to work.

…because they have to go to work.






While others…


…are all about the food.

Others like to jump…


…right into the party…

While some…


…are happy staying riiight here.

Be assured bitter friends, I will be right where I am every Friday, eating Pizza, laying on the couch and not partying with the rest of you. So have fun getting in your fights while I enjoy not partying like a rock star.


Bitter Not Party Ben

41 thoughts on “Bitter Friday Party Giftures

  1. I thought I was the only un-party one! So good to know I’m not alone in this 🙂

    Also, what the heck is that guy doing with that inflatable ball? Can’t he just crawl into that like any other normal person? Or just stuff his kid in there (which is what they do where I live)?


  2. The edit ed half remember after action reports are much more humorous. Adventure is when you’re up to your ass in alligators while some lazy bastard’s on the shore writing a song about it. Stay on the couch my friend.


  3. Pingback: Bitter Ben… a misanthropic kindred spirit… Check out his Bitter Friday Party Giftures | Candace Vianna Writes

  4. Yep, highlight of my week. Pizza and a movie in my chair! 🙂 Not that I don’t like a good party once in awhile, if I can get out of my chair, after a long week. 🙂


  5. Other than a couple of weddings like, a decade ago, I don’t think I’ve ever been to a party where people danced. Instead, most parties seem to involve less interesting stuff, like eating and socializing. Bah! I’d much rather stay home and read a book.


  6. Kids ate all my deep dish pizza yesterday, I had to settle for bitter left overs because I spent the cash on the prior pizza run. Again with the leftovers for lunch today. At least I’m the one who cooked the leftovers so I know they’re good. We have lots of cheese in the house, perhaps I can make my own deep dish tomorrow and eat it before anyone notices me. They usually make me share. Aaaarrrrrggggghhhh! Enjoy your not party. How do you get solitude? The family wants to prattle on about everything- I caught a pokemon. I need help with homework. The goldfish died again. Mom wants you to work around the house. We need to talk about _____. Blah, blah, blah, and they want me to respond in some meaningful way. I know what I want to hear, and there are motivational words that would coax me from the couch willingly, but the ones I seem to always hear are NOT those words. What’s your superpower, Ben?


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