“It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.” – Boyz 2 Men, Boys To Men? Those four guys that harmoniously sang things in a group setting while recording stuff? Actually, it isn’t really hard to say goodbye to yesterday, because yesterday is already gone. It’s hard to say goodbye to people because people all want to have emotions attached to things.
Have you ever seen a movie or television program where someone gets shot, or bit by a snake or harmed in a way where they are dying, but as luck would have it they still have a moment or two, or a last breath or 10 where they have a chance to say something so profound that every cruel thing they have ever done to someone is erased? Cough, Professor Snape, cough. Or they have a tear that is so powerful that it can show just the right memories that are needed to help a young wizard know that he has to die too in order to kill Voldemort? Or such sage advice to someone that they will make it through life as a complete success because of words?
Well, in the real world, maybe someone has that magical formula to figure out just the right way to say something, but they haven’t shared it with the world. Perhaps some tech savvy nerd living in Silicon Valley will come up with an algorithm that will give some the exact words and exact moment to say to the exact person to make it not completely awkward to say goodbye to someone possibly forever and they will sell that formula to the Shark Tank, but until that happens, I believe that goodbyes are never the way you see them in the movies.
Do you shake their hand? Punch them on the arm? Wave? Give them a hug? As we know from the Groundhog’s Day blog post of 2015, “I’m not a hugger.” – Bitter Ben.
Trust me, I’ve done my best to figure out the best way to say goodbye to people, but I think burning down their village is illegal. Doing a 360 spin kick to knock a cup full of ice cold water all over their shirt I’ve heard is kind of a social faux pas. How about releasing yellow jackets in the air so everyone but the beekeeper co-workers with their white zombie virus protectant suit would go running for the hills? I’d love to eliminate the whole awkward “What do I do with my hands, or what is just the right final insult to that annoying co-worker?” thing by having some wizard poofing magic, or the ability to fly off on a broom, but I haven’t yet received my acceptance letter from Utah’s not-as-prestigious Community College of Witchcraft and Wizardry, so until then, who knows if I can fly a freaking broom or apparate correctly without splicing myself half here and half there?
In the meantime, what kind of suggestions do you have to avoid appearing like you ever cared about these people? How would you sum up how much you despised these people for so many years without sounding so rehearsed? How would you casually let someone know that revenge is coming without sounding like you’ve been planning their downfall for years? So many questions that I’m sure none of you will answer, because they are all probably rhetorical, whatever the heck that means.
Bitter Bye Bye Bye Ben