On July 1, 2001 I put in my 15 year notice at this job and told them that they had to find a replacement for me, or lose out on all the precious training that I would provide a new person on how to totally mess up a job here. Apparently they thought they had a lot of time, but the notice is finally expiring this Friday and now I’ve forgotten all previous knowledge I had. I’ve been utterly useless this week.
Now I’m just finding out that they have been planning for several years(15 to be exact), because I was a non contributor from the start, so they have been teaching all my things to other people for years and they just pretend to give me work and stress when all they are doing is just giving me a piece of paper that appears to look like a check saying it’s “direct deposit” and letting me use the Swingline stapler.
Regardless, I have decided to move to Utah next week because my family is going there. They said I could come if I want, but I have to contribute things every once in a while like getting off the couch, moving some of our items into a truck and possibly even getting out of shotgun to drive every once in a while. I told them as long as we can keep the couches and TV, I will come. They made no such promise.
I do have to get a job, but they said I needed to go back to school first. I was like fiiine, but I’m going to make spitballs I can shoot at the teacher and learn the best ways to go to detention. But then they told me that they don’t do detention or spitballs in college because you pay money for it.
So apparently I’m studying social media, which as none of you know(myself included), is a way to learn how to work as a social media specialist for a company. Not as the guy that just tweets stuff all day. Or checks their own Facebook. Or writes blogs and comments on them. Cause I do that stuff already as part of my job here.
Anyway, if you want to see what my dream job is, you need to check the video above and go to :47 seconds into the video. However, before you watch the video you should know one thing. I DO NOT want to work for Trump, and I DO NOT want to work for Hillary, or any other political figure, not only because of any political support I would sway to either of these dimwits, but because I’m not political. Also, I wouldn’t really work for either one of them, I would probably pretend to work while looking at the internet and texting all day.
So back to my dream job. As you saw above, the Bitterness Advisor position is a real thing. Trump has one and clearly that girl was way unqualified. If I were to interview with them or any other company as their bitterness advisor, I would blow away the competition. I not only have 43 years of experience being bitter, but I have 4 and 1/2 years of blogging experience. My resume is stacked. No one else has the skills, abilities or resume to even come close.
Moving on to moving, I’m not really a fan of moving. And we’re not talking about moving from here to Utah. I’m just talking moving off of my couch. It’s painful to know that for at least a few days, the couch and TV will not be there to absorb all the moving I will be doing. And that makes me bitter.
Bitterness Advisor Ben