I’m good at noticing patterns. Well, at least when they happen over and over and over again. That’s why I did so well on recognizing patterns part of the ACT’s. And when I say I did well, I mean I did better than the math and science and the apprehensive portions. Meaning I got a 19 instead of a 17 on those, which if you’ve ever taken the ACT’s, you should know that those are terrifyingly low scores. But my ability to recognize patterns were on a genius level compared to the rest of my skills.
Anyhoo, I recognized a pattern yesterday on social media, so I social mediaed about it(see above tweet). There was a phenomenon involving pretty much the most boring thing in my mind ever. The weather. For some stupid reason, many people were posting the temperature that it was in their particular area. 110, 108, 97, 98. I get it. It’s hot. Probably record breaking hot. And you want everyone to know that it was hotter where you lived than it was where I live? Is it a competition? Are you bragging about the fact that your town has hotter degrees than someone else’s? Are you telling me how brave you are for venturing outside in such a temperature? I don’t really care. I could care this many bitters how hot it was where you live. And honestly, I couldn’t care two flippers about how hot or not it is where I live either. Until it started sandbagging our garage sales. Then I started to curse the mighty God of Thunder. Whoever they were in Greek Mythology.
I just got told that Thor is the God of Thunder. So hey Thor, I know you and your Mighty Avengers buddies are busy saving the planet from all kinds of alien threats, I was wondering if you guys could stop having battles in New York, New Mexico, Sakovia and London so the weather isn’t so strange around here. Actually, could you just more specifically battle on the weekdays when I don’t really care what the weather is like outside? Your little Thunder and Lightning battles have kind of put a damper on our garage sales the last two weeks. I mean I would even have no problem if you wanted to destroy my work building just enough so I could get a good two month summer vacation going. Just take the weekend off if you don’t mind. Thanks.
Speaking of thunder, we had some last night. And it got me thinking. Why are people so afraid of thunder? Is Thor being the God of Thunder that terrifying? Because if so, he’s basically just the God of LOUD NOISES! Ooooh! So he’s like a burglar who breaks into your house, and make lots of noise, but doesn’t actually steal anything? Or is he just like your co-worker who talks a lot at meetings, but never really produces any actual work? Or someone who is famous for talking on the TV, but doesn’t have any actual talent? Or a huge group of people that talk a lot, but don’t accomplish much?
Thor is mighty because he also brings the lightning. Most people are all talk and no walk. Or should I say, “All Thunder and No Lightning.” And that people should stop being so afraid of the rain, because I’ve got some junk in my house that needs to be unloaded for lots of money and it doesn’t help when it is thundering and lightning.
So, Thor, if you don’t stop bringing the thunder and lightning this weekend, I expect you to at least come buy a few bookshelves and some used tools, and a few cups of lemonade from my kids.
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH
Bitter Thunder and Lightning Ben
103 degrees Farenheit!! Phew!!😅with thunder and lighting…all you need is a cauldron and 3 witches from Macbeth to complete the scene!!😁
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I’m not at the 103 degrees place. That’s what every one else in the US is at. I’m stuck here with 60 and cloudy and bitter.
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Lol!! I would not expect you being unbitter! You live up to your reputation😉👍👍👏👏
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I try to live up to my reputation, but if I don’t and fall short…well, I’m bitter about that too.
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You bitterly win!! Have a bitter week ahead👍👍😊
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It will be the bitterest I’m sure!
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😄
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haha
u r so funny Ben!
Thanks for the post!
The temperature in Kathmandu is perfect!
: )
I wish Thor read ur article!
I bet he must be laughing too!
:d
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I bet Thor would probably read it and make sure that I never saw the sun again. It sounds like I need to go to Kathmandu.
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Sacramento totally needs to get in on the hot temperature bragging contest. Thor has forsaken us.
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Sacramento totally should I’ve been there before and it always seems like it is hot there. So brag away. Thor shall seems to like hanging around Seattle a lot for some reason. Maybe Jane is from here?
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It’s already over 100 and some summers have a month or more of 100+ days, 113 on occasion.
I’ve never been to Seattle but will someday see it, hopefully. I always hear how rainy it is and that sounds pretty nice right about now.
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It seems like it is over 100 just about everywhere but here. Which is probably why people are posting about it so much. I guess if it were that hot out, you couldn’t think about much else.
Whenever people come to visit it’s always in the summer and they always marvel about how nice the weather is, and I always get bitter because as soon as guests leave, it’s always back to the dreary bitter wet cold Seattle.
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I would hate to make you more bitter, but the weather where I live is perfect. Well, for June, anyway, and just today. It’s going to be hot — but not record-breaking hot — but it will only be half the humidity percentage it usually is, which makes all the difference in the world. And then tomorrow the misery returns. I would welcome rain and 56 degrees, though it would feel like winter. My city wouldn’t make any records for heat waves nationally, but our barometer routinely shows a frownie face beside the high percentage of humidity. My thoughts exactly! I wouldn’t need to take selfies beside a thermometer or a barometer. My hair would demonstrate humidity levels quite nicely.
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It’s always nice to have a hair indicator so you don’t need to be near a thermometer. It sounds like a lot of cities have had record breaking temps and that sucks. I’m just bitter that we had a garage sale planned and weren’t able to do it. That’s what I really care about and being the selfish person that I am, to me, that’s all that mattered.
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Personally, I would celebrate the fact that rain had canceled my garage sale, but I would want to know the rain was coming before the sale so I didn’t try to have one. I would be rather bitter if I’d done all that work only to have the stuff loiter in my garage waiting for the next sunny Saturday. So I’m sorry that rain spoiled your plans. And maybe your feelings aren’t selfish. Maybe someone needs that treasure you’re trying to sell them and you’re actually bitterly altruistic.
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I normally hate garage sales, but this situation is different. We are moving later this summer, and we are trying to sell our house and we have so much junk we don’t know where else to put it. So it is kind of gumming up the process to not have the sale. So I’m bitter because the weather seems to know it and is just toying with me.
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Maybe the weather doesn’t want you to move. It might be bitter because of it.
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Well, I know I don’t like moving…off the couch, but escaping my problems by moving…that is what I like to do.
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Here it’s not so much about the heat…but let it rain and that’s all anyone can talk about. It hardly rains here, yet most people have a rain gauge so they can compare each 10th of an inch they got in their backyard 😉
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Ah the rain complainers! Those sound like one around here who complain when it gets a little too hot. Like 73 degrees.
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Oh no…they are not complaining. They are bragging!! I kid you not.
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All I know is if I was to brag about something, it would be something way more significant, like I wrote a book, sold a screenplay, invented something life changing. Not a little rain that you had no control over anyways.
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That’s kinda been our thought too…but it’s big news here. 😉
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Just like sun is big news here. We actually have accidents here because people aren’t equipped to have sun in their eyes. It’s pretty sad.
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“All thunder and no lightning.” I actually rather like that! Think I’ll borrow your new saying. 🙂
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You may! As long as you pay royalties. Meaning you mention my blog and you put in a good word for any publishers when my book is ready!
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Haha, will do!
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18° (I have NO clue what thatnis in Fahrenheit, but it’a fairly damp, moist and thunder-inviting over here). I don’t know where people get the sun, I just don’t. It’s all rain and dampness over here D: Sun? What is that?
Besides, I reckon those heat-posts are all fake anyway.
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It’s about the same as it is here. About 65 F(I did a google conversion) which is slightly cool but pretty comfortable. I mean the temps in Arizona and the south are pretty hot, no doubt (about 46 for your reference) but who cares? I guess they do.
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That might have been the first reference to the K-family who shall not be named that actually made me smile!
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I try not to make fun of them too much because it’s too easy and lazy, but you know me, I’m pretty lazy!
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Like fishing with dynamite 😛
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I wish they somehow they went bankrupt and had to figure out how to live without all that money and fame.
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They’d turn that into a reality series to and just become famous again anyway. Gotta admire the ingenuity at least.
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Dang it. Now I’m irritated by them even more. I hope they lose an earring in the ocean that they really liked.
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You know what it is, don’t you? Our temperature-based pissing contests may result in enough ambient moisture to trigger a rain shower. That cools things down immensely. Now you know, and knowledge is half the battle.
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However, if you were like me and it was only 56 and cloudy yesterday, maybe you would want it to warm up. So maybe a pissing contest gets us all heated up.
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Whatever floats your boat….
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Well, we’ve got plenty of rain here to float a boat.
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Or something else…
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Yeah, definitely something else. 🙂
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Thor ith tho thorry about your problems. But Thor ith not thinking clearly thith thummer becauth it ith tho hot. Like a hundred and thicks degrees.
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Thanks, but I think Thor is too worried about saving the planet. He’s not worried about how hot it is here, though if he was an Instagram follower, he could see how hot it was here today. 56 and cloudy right now.
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Do your jaws hurt from being so bitter, like when you eat a dill pickle? Just wondered. Why do people post the temp, you ask? It’s a cool thing to do. Problem solved. Cheer up.
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Yeah, my jaws, my knees, my back, all sore because of the weight of bitterness I carry on my back.
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funny
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I bet you are laughing out loud. 🙂
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I always thought posting the temperature was a little weird too. I’ve never understood the actual point of it. Then again, is there a point in taking selfies too?
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I just saw a Snapchat of someone showing the temp getting progressively hotter, but I wondered why they were so up in arms about it, because they were in an air conditioned car.
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Oh man…but I almost melted yesterday…right after I was eating my eggs that fried on the sidewalk!
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Well, why don’t you send us a picture of you and you melting along with the temperature? Are you done with your hiatus now or just commenting on other people?
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I’m done with my hiatus although I’m not sure how much I’ll be blogging.
Maybe I’ll just be posting selfies with me next to thermometers.
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Just getting burnt out on the writing thing? Or just replying to comments? Or is your work finally making you do work at work?
I think that should be your social media presence. Just posting selfies of thermometers.
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Well it would be selfies with thermometers of course…like how cute can a 43 year old woman look while emphatically sweating next to a thermometer…I’ll let you know.
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Maybe that is your next blog. Just posting selfies next to thermometers. The next big sensation.
Who knew we were the same age?
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I’m actually older since I’ll be 44 in September…but don’t tell anyone!
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I totally won’t tell anyone that you will be 44 in September. It’s not like I will make that the subject of my blog next Friday instead of Giftures so people will be all up in arms about it.
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Hey, wait a minute…
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Don’t wait too many minutes or people might have to figure out another age.
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V. funny dude!
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Yeah, age jokes are the best. I love asking my co-workers what dinosaurs were like when he roamed the earth with them.
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Thankfully I was born during the Ice Age so I wouldn’t know.
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So you probably knew my co-worker then. There was only like 5 people on the earth back then.
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And I was one of them!
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I bet he annoyed you almost as much as I do.
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These are weighty words…
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That’s true. No one annoys you more than I.
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LOL! Thanks for the chuckle. Every year social media explodes with all the heat wave braggers. It cracks me up sometimes, I mean if you live in the desert, what do you suppose is going to happen? It was 52 degrees here the other day and I offered to trade with someone, but they were downright horrified. The most would give me was ten degrees! So apparently all these lamentations are actually brags designed to make the rest of us envious.
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I just think it is funny that people want to brag about the heat like there is something they can do about it, or something that makes them special because they are in that heat.
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Thor doesn’t pay cash and according to a movie I once saw he smashes yard sale coffee mugs and other trinkets. He has girls who want him to think they’re hot pay his way and then he tosses those aside like empty coffee mugs. If only I were a heartless, selfish demigod. But I’m not the god of thunder, OR rock and roll. I’ve heard those positions were taken already. ~Bitter Non-Deified Deon
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Well, maybe another minor god role isn’t taken so you can be one. I’m sure if I was I’d be the god of bitterness. I’d always be bitter that I wasn’t the god of something else, right? Maybe the god of grammar or the god of punctuation aren’t taken?
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The gods of grammar and punctuation are jerks who troll blogs to insult and discourage writers, they’re more demon than god. And they do so well at their craft. Can I be the new Deon-ysius, never seen without an adult beverage in one hand, the conservative party animal, with an eternally ready steak or fried chicken dinner right down to pie and ice cream, and Mrs M across the table from me?
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As much of a jerk I am, I don’t correct people’s grammar (probably because I don’t know it very well).
Yes, you can be the god of the marginal party animal.
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