I want the soundtrack that was playing for this guy.
As you know, I’m a long time fan of television and movies. The thing I like about television and movies is that I don’t have to do anything. What else is there where you can lay on your couch, eat pizza and not do things? The internet? Nope, that takes pushing buttons and paying attention. Jogging or hiking? Nope that requires way too much work AND concentration. Eating at a table? That means you can’t see the TV from where you are sitting. I might as well be in a prison cafeteria.
Another great thing about TV is on the shows you have the music and sound effects that bring things to life. You know when to expect a scary thing around the corner, or when to the characters gain a realization. You know when something is going to get intense or when you are supposed to cry. The music is the manipulator.
Now, I’m kind of bitter that I don’t have sound effects or a music isn’t following me around wherever I go.
When I’m walking around, why isn’t Super Mario Bros. World 1-1 music playing?
My walk around music.
When I wrap up a particularly hard credit at work, why isn’t the music from Man of Steel playing when he triumphs over the Terraforming Machine?
Triumphant!
When I see my bitter rival at work from a distance, and we are the only two people in the hallway, why isn’t the music from the Matrix when Smith an Neo are running toward each other playing?
Bring it, Bitter Rival.
When I get home and kids are causing chaos, projects are everywhere and I need a place to go and be alone, why isn’t the Flight of the Bumble Bees
When I get a paycheck, why isn’t the cash register noise being made?
And a minute later when all the money goes to the bills, why isn’t the Price is Right loser horn going off?
Dun duh duh duh….
When I have a genius idea about a post, or for my book or an invention that needs to be invented or an app that needs to make me money, why isn’t a bright light bulb sound effect playing, and appearing over my head, and by the way, why am I not able to grab it so I can finally change the stupid bulb in my ceiling fan? And why can’t I replace all my bad ideas with this new light bulb idea?
When my boss approaches my desk like a stealth ninja and interrupts me to ask me to do something, why isn’t a soundtrack from a scary movie playing?
When I’m driving expertly and weaving in and out of traffic, narrowly avoiding idiots on one side and escaping a tailgater by making it through a yellow light, why isn’t the Batman soundtrack playing?
Going through traffic like the Batman.
When I’m clumsily tripping over myself why isn’t the music from America’s Funniest Home Videos playing in the background?
And when I’m laying down on the couch lazily watching TV, why isn’t the soundtrack from Napolean Dynamite playing?
Whoever is in charge of all the music in movies needs to give me a call. I have lots of ideas for different music and sound effects that they can be playing for me. And they need to start practicing because my music needs to be a little off key for bitterness sake.
What about you? What kind of music should be playing in the background for you?
ARRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Background Battleground Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
At the risk of taking the edge off of your bitterness, I think this is a GREAT post, and I can see all kinds of possibilities for a short film–perhaps for YouTube. If I were the kind of guy who wanted to put an edge ON your bitterness, I’d steal the idea.
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I do have a series of Bitter News from the Couch Youtube videos. Perhaps that could be one of the segments. I’m stealing it back now!
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I’ll have to check them out!
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They are all under my Bitter Videos Page if you want them all at the same time.
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Every time I’m on my way to do… anything… I want Ride of the Valkyries to play. A trip to the grocery store suddenly becomes way more badass.
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Yes, that is a pretty awesome song. It would make everything you do be pretty awesome.
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Would the background sounds play only so you can hear them or would everyone else be able to hear your sounds as well? If the latter and everyone else has their own background sounds the world would be filled with quite the cacophony. And could you change your sounds at will?
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Those are some interesting questions. I think we should only hear our own. I think if we had an early warning system, we could have spooky music playing as our rival got ready to sneak up on us.
As far as being able to change it at will yeah. It should be wired to our brains to figure out what will work best at the right time.
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I’ve always been under the impression that I need a theme song. Now I kind of want to hide a speaker and an iPod in my pocket whenever I’m doing things.
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When life doesn’t do it for you, make your Ipod do it. Or something like that.
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This reminds me of an SNL skit where Miami Vice detectives, Crockett and Tubs, stormed into a room to stop the bad guys in their usual cool way but couldn’t hear anything because the TV show sound track was so loud.
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That sounds like awesome. I wanna say I remember that one, but it totally makes sense. And it reminds me of the Wedding Singer, when the guy marrying Drew Barrymore, hops out of his Deloreon with the Miami Vice music blaring.
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I’ve often thought the same thing…..where is our music in our moments? I have a couple of songs that are pieces of my soundtrack… “I’m Still Standing” by Elton & “F You” by Lily Allen 😉
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I don’t know if I’m still standing would work for me, but a modified, I’m still sitting, or I’m still laying on the couch would work for me.
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This is brilliant, and I think you SHOULD get a soundtrack, dammit! When I was a kid, I remember wondering why music didn’t just boom out of nowhere the way it did in movies, and why people didn’t just bust out into song, or choreographed dance numbers every time someone’s point needed to be emphasized. I think life should get with it and include sound tracks and dance numbers!
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My soundtrack probably wouldn’t be fairytale or musical like, but yeah, life needs to figure out how to do this so, I have some musical cues to give to people so I don’t have to talk all the time.
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NICE idea! Actually, brilliant idea! Having musical cues so you don’t have to talk all the time. I would like to have that, too!
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I think a lot of introverts would pay a lot of money to be able to communicate without having to talk. And to have warnings of people wanted to talk to them. 🙂
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You should hire someone to play appropriate sounds when necessary. What’s the pay? I might be interested in the job.
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I would have to do an extensive background check on your taste in music to see if it aligns to my all over bitter taste in music. Though it does help that you have such good taste in food (pizza, oreos).
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Don’t forget ice cream. Completely understand. I’ll leave out the Beyoncé songs since I’m guessing you’re not her biggest fan…
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Good call on the Beyonce thing. Yes, ice cream is also a favorite. I mean I have my own brand called Bitter Ben & Jerry’s right?
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Probably something like this:
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Quite the interesting take you have. I assume in my case I would have been eaten by the lion.
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Flight of the Bumble Bees. Classic. I feel that one is playing as my background constantly between the hours of 3-9 pm Monday through Thursday.
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Actually I should have called it the Flight of the Bitter Bees. I still remember hearing that song a long time ago for the NBA playoffs, so I always associated it with the NBA>
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Oh man! This seriously speaks to me! I kid you not, I can, will and do break out into sound effects to song & dance depending on the situation. While feeling pissed off & cheated last week and walking home via the alley I broke out in full musical theatre angst, Don’t Rain On My Parade!
(Or FU2, Tango Shoes by Bif Naked also work.) If I happen to do something so genius it would confuse other geniuses, its usually I Love Myself Today by Bif Naked..(cause shes full of inner bitterness as otherwise why say Namaste for literally everything?(just sayin…)
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Wow, your soundtrack is very specific. And it seems to involve a lot of Bif Naked. I like that you broke out into a song and dance down an alleyway. Does this mean your life is a musical?
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I tend to make my own sound effects. So when I have a light bulb moment, I sing “Light bulb” in an opera voice. That scares the hell out of people who are near me in the stores. But for the most part this is my theme song and I actually do have minions following me around but my husband – a real party pooper, refers to them as our children. https://youtu.be/MOWDb2TBYDg
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I have been known to make my own sound effects, but really I’m too lazy to make all the right ones. And I don’t quite have an opera voice, but I try anyways, sometimes, just for effect.
I’m glad you are doing your part to scare people in stores, though if they had their own sound effects, they would have the creepy foreboding music to tell them you are coming. So for the most part that is on them.
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I think it’s my lack of an opera voice that scares them away. I have to admit, I’m glad they don’t have the creepy, foreboding music to tell them I’m coming. It makes my life much more entertaining. Is that wrong?
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Not every is good enough to earn the soundtrack music around them so I think you are good for the most part. The element of surprise is what makes mine entertaining, so no that isn’t wrong.
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Wow that is the sound effects you chose? No wonder you like bitterness so much.
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ARRRRGGGGHHHH!
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Now that sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before. By the way, just so you know, you are in the running for my commenter of the year post at the end of the year. But you have some tough competition, so you bitter step things up if you don’t want to finish in 6th place.
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I want 2nd place goshdarnit!! 2nd or nothing!!
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Nope. No second place, I can guarantee that. Since I do have some sort of say who wins. Evil laugh. Whoops I was supposed to type that.
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Nooooo!!
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It’s the one thing I can control in life. I can judge people in whatever way I want.
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Good for you.
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“Now, I’m kind of bitter that I don’t have sound effects or a music isn’t following me around wherever I go.” Very funny!
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Though when I wasn’t in the mood I would probably punch the speaker and they would start playing angry music.
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Stop! You’re killing me!
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Well, I don’t want to be known as a murderer so I will stop killing you.
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Love the Matrix one especially…
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That image is pretty useful for just about any rivalry type situation. Running into your bitter rival should always look like that.
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I love the idea of having a soundtrack to life. Brilliant.
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I would probably like it at first, but then get frustrated and turn the mute on.
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I agree! I’d love to have music playing in the background of everything. I feel like it would make every situation special.
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Or every situation more frustrating. But it would be nice to know that your boss is coming by the mood of the music in the area.
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Now that is a most excellent point. We all need some back ground music in our lives.
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My music would be a little more bitter than the typical soundtrack.
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