A Big Flop Friday Giftures

For those of you that didn’t figure out that my post on Wednesday, April 1st, April Fool’s Day, and actually started following my gardening blog, thanks a whole lot.  You just made that gardening blog more popular in ONE day, than this bitter blog was in 6 months.  That’s right.  It took the Bitter Blog six months to get 5 followers.  That’s the kind of joke this blog was at the beginning.  A complete flop. For those of you that did figure it out, well congratulations, you get a cookie.  Except you don’t get one because I don’t have any and I’m sure as heck not going to send one to each of you that figured it out.  The rest of this week was a flop too.  I didn’t become a permanent extra on Community, nor did I even get nominated for the Laziness Awards.  With my bad luck this week, I might not even get nominated for the Bitter Awards.  Let’s take a look at more reasons why this week was a flop.

This week flopped so hard..

...just a kick in the head.

…it felt just like a kick to the head.


All the big expectations for gaming and lazing…

...just kind of fell through.

…just kind of fell through.


All the big ideas…

...just kind of got off track.

…just kind of got off track.


All the bitterly good jokes…

...fell flat.

..kind of fell flat.


All the momentum gained…

...kind of moon walked backwards.

…kind of moon walked backwards.


I felt like there was just too much debate…

...crappy inventions.

…on the toilet paper.  Over or under? 



Every single day, it just seemed like I needed to go home…

...one too many crash

…and just crash.


Though I do think I solved the dilemma…


…of whether I should start a fight club for old men.  Yes, definitely yes..


For some reason…


…traffic felt like an eternal ring of hell. 


It seemed like I could never…


…see what was coming.


Seemed like every day…



…was an uphill battle.



And just like that…


…the end of the week was like a big ball to the face. 



I just can’t wait to see what the weekend will bring.  More flops, flip outs and failures.  And just when you think this week couldn’t get any worse, you get to experience next week, the week in which I celebrate the anniversary of me being born.  I like to celebrate every year of me getting older, by being even more bitter about things.  See 40 reasons to be bitter, followed by last years 41 reasons to be bitter from last year.  Can you guess how many reason I will have to be Bitter this year? If so, you get a cookie and maybe some bittermilk to go with it.


Bitter Flopped Ben



54 thoughts on “A Big Flop Friday Giftures

    • That was a fun one to come up with. I try to do an April Fool’s one every year, and it just came to me as I was writing. What’s funny is that a few actually want me continue with the gardening blog. I….don’t think so.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I’d suggest you join the Devoutly Warped but anyone that bitter, we’d just heap abuse and scorn upon. It’d get just nasty and with the delicate state of your psyche, you just don’t need that!


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