You know when you are nodding off at work because you stayed up all night doing an important paper for school or taking care of a sick child or getting a phone call from a friend who was in the hospital and you visited them to make sure they were alright? Yeah, me either. If I’m up late it’s for video games or a repeat of The Office that I’ve already seen 36 times, and I’m still holding my breath hoping that Angela and Andy are going to get together. Just kidding, I already know they end up together.
When I do fall asleep at work it usually isn’t for too long. In fact, most of the time, I’m hyper-vigilant in my noddings so that they only last maybe four or five seconds so I don’t get caught. Though when you add up all the times I have 4 or 5 second dreams, it usually adds up to abouuuut 8 hours. Does anyone else have what I call microdreams? For some reason, I can fall asleep for 4 seconds and have a full fledged dream, usually cooler than the ones I have while sleeping in a bed or on a couch. It’s the weirdest thing, but it is real. All I know is that in these microdreams, I get the answers to all the questions of every quiz and test I’ve ever taken and failed at, the blueprints for 40 new inventions, and the key to understanding women.
There is always the bitter side which is, of course, that I can’t remember them 2 seconds after they happen. If I had a recording tool of some sort, like maybe a pen that wrote down those dreams, or a recording device that went into my brain (in fact, I had a microdream about something that would do that very thing) then I would be a straight up, full on, Scrouge McDuck billionaire, except for bitter and not a duck. I would be raining haypennies down on the general public for no other reason, except that I could. You would all be scrambling to follow me not only on this blog, but on the sidewalks, desperately hoping to catch a spare haypenny or two. I would probably stop on a dime, though, so I could pick it up and make you all jealous that you didn’t have one, because you only have haypennies. I would have a vault full of 100’s made into fluffy pillows that I would sleep on. I would also make remote controls, couches and televisions out of my Benjamin’s and take pictures for all of Instagram to see.
But I digress. You could probably be an almost billionaire like me too, if you had microdreams, but you are all too busy getting 8 hours of sleep at night, and dieting correctly and staying home from work when you don’t get enough sleep. Because of that, you are stuck in your sane lives, having good relationships, enjoying your regular good paying jobs and not having to visit a psychiatrist every Tuesday at 7:00 pm.
Since you are mentally stable, you probably have big dreams like retiring to a ranch or starting your own business. But I dream much smaller than that. I have micro dreams that I want to fail miserably at. (Little things that will make your life like you know, 1 times better). Things like:
Someday I hope to be able to spell rhrythm without spell check or Guugle.
I hope to figure out the correct amount in my head on how much to stiff someone on a tip.
I hope to someday figure out how to get trees to stop littering leaves all over my lawn.
I want to figure out how Microsoft has figured out how to make such great products, like Zune, Bing, and Internet Explorer. Though they do have missteps every once in a while like Windows and Microsoft Office (remember those relics?)
I want to know the reason why people prefer toilet paper rolls to go under instead of over.
I dream of someday figuring out why there are so many rainbows with no pot of gold at the end.
I want to know why Hawaii hasn’t invited my to be its ambassador of laziness.
Microdreams really do come true. If you hope and believe and try hard enough, they will all come true. Actually, none of mine have come true, so if I’m to believed, none of them will come true, but if you dream hard enough, you will get lots of sleep. But unfortunately, microdreams only give you 4 seconds of sleep which isn’t near enough. Even if you do it all day long.
Sorry just nodded off for 4 seconds again. What were we talking about?
Bitter Asleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Ben