I know that none of you are used to being woken up before noon on your day off from your jobs (unless you work on Saturday, in which you have an entirely different reason to be bitter) and your blogs. Well, I’m not used to being woken this early either, thank you very not at all. There is a reason I’m up early, though and it’s a really bad one, and I blame among others, the Bloggie Awards. It looks like I’m desperately trying to get you to vote for me on this last full day of voting, and you would be right. Coming in second place is vitally important for not only for me, but for humanity.
The world is in a bitter imbalance that is keeping it rotating at like 23 degrees and if anything such as me getting third place or worse or winning the whole thing, our world will be doomed. You should know I’m not totally against the whole apocalypse thing though. The streets might be destroyed and whatnot for a little while and fires will reign down upon the earth, so it will be a little warm. But think about if you survive it. You would get a few days off, cause you know, your boss’s house, car and dreams would be crushed, so there might be a few mandatory, “Meteor shower” days. And while there would be a lot of construction on the roads, there would also be a lot less traffic. Also less work to do, unless you are a doctor or nurse. And you could always call in a “zombie day” when you just aren’t feeling human.
Besides the whole word ending thing if you don’t vote for me, there is also the celebrity endorsers who have come out in support of my second place victory.
Remember Pedro? The current student body president of Preston High School? He has been a big supporter of my campaign since yesterday. Hear what he has to say.
“Who is this guy, again? Hey, get out of here! I don’t have time to talk to you about some random guy! I’m busy running a school, dang it!” – Pedro, Student Body President, Preston High School
Kim K. is also a big reader of the blog.
“Ughhh, this guy is sooo lame. Does he think I sit around all day reading his blog? Oh, he does? Well, okay maybe I do.
Butt, But have you seen how few times he has written about me and my fabulous life? I’m kind of a big deal.”
Oprah (Winfrey, she does something, um..I don’t know. My agent said to include her.)
“Why would this guy have any reason to be bitter? Doesn’t he have his OWN network, his movie deals, an orphanage in Africa, billions of dollars and people catering to his every needs? Oh, wait that is me. What were we talking about?”
“I am Iron Man. Jarvis, can you build me a new house and skyscraper? I kind of destroyed them saving the world from some guy I pissed off in high school and I have to do this congressional hearing thing with Hydra. What was the question again? Oh, I don’t do interview with anyone but hot female reporters.”
“Yes, I invented the Facebook, but I’m giving 6% to Justin Timberlake because he told me to remove the the. That’s worth like a billion dollars right? Bitter Blog? Oh, I don’t read anything on the internet that competes with Facebook. Besides, leave me alone, I’m coding right now.”
“Bitter Blog? I have nothing to be bitter about. I have all the powers and a great reporter girlfriend. Just because I have two dead dads, 1 dead mom, and responsible for destroying all of Smallville in the last movie, doesn’t mean to I’m bitter about anything. You know what his next blog should be? About Kryptonite. Every one hates that stuff right? Oh and traffic. I can’t stand when I actually have to drive to work at the Daily Plane, uh I mean fly to save the world on the other side of the world. I mean, can planes just get out of the way?”
“Sometimes, after I defeat the Joker for the 5th time of the week, I like to sit in the Batcave, thinking about my dead parents. Yes, I’m a little bitter. I mean, dead parents, am I right? Plus, having to manage with inheriting billions of dollars and a good name? Do you have any idea how hard it is to only be a part of Wayne Enterprises in name only and not be involved with the day to day plans? I mean I do have busy knights sometimes. Oh and I don’t read that blog because I don’t get Wi-Fi in the cave.”
So there you have it. Some completely not made up ringing endorsements from some big name people telling how you should vote for Pedro, I mean me.
The details ONCE AGAIN, because you haven’t seen them before.
Remember to visit the Weblog Award Page and help me meet my goal of second place finish in the 2015 Weblog of the Year. I’m at the end under the Weblog of the Year. Voting ends this Sunday, March 22nd at 10 pm EST so if you know what is good for you, you will vote for me. A VOTE FOR ME, IS A NOT VOTE FOR SPIDERMAN BECAUSE HE IS ONLY A WEBSLINGER, AND DOESN’T HAVE A WEBLOG.
Bitter Second Place Dreamer Ben