First time on screen transformation.
I know this topic is so out of date, that the fantastically bitter people of 2007 are snarling at me, but I think this topic has not had near the attention that the bitter community deserves. (By the way, a big part of bitterness is reliving the past and all the mistakes you make. So join me on a journey to the bitter past.) I am a long time Transfan (or Transformers Fan for long). If you are a worshiper fan of mine on Instagram, first of all, you are one of the few and bitter (If you’re looking for a picturified version of this blog, go follow now). But second, you would have seen that I posted a picture not long ago of a jacket or coat or whatever the kids are calling them these days, that my wife found. It has the symbol of the Decepticons, which for the uneducated Transformer non follower is the bad guys. My head exploded when she showed it to me, and after my wife put my head back on, I tried the jacket on and it fit. My head exploded again and I almost immediately took a picture and sent it to Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Needless to say, I’m a huge fan. (Don’t worry, there’s some bitterness coming.)
Picture of the alleged jacket.
In 2007, the Transformers were unleashed to the world in general, and to me specifically, in the form of the coolest movie ever. What I had only dreamed of happening after the sad demise of the Transformers cartoon after 4 seasons and an animated movie in the late 80’s, was now a real live action special effected Transformers on screen. When what his name and Megan Fox pan the camera up at a shiny blue Optimus Prime transforming to become a robot for the first time, I had a full grown fangasm. I got the chills…okay skip all that.
Even though it made a boatload of money, and the first one did okay with the reviewers, the next three got butchered by the critics and people in general.
These are the people that are writing the critic reviews.
First of all, critics get two bitter thumbs down from me. Critics think they are some action hero walking in the theater in slow motion with two buddies to their sides, with a bomb going off in the background that is going to blow up their enemy, this movie. A lot of them claim that one of their big problems with the movie is that it is littered with what the industry calls “product placement”. Yes, their are some real life products in the movie and guess what they aren’t always subtle. But sometimes movies need a little extra funding to blow up all that stuff. And by the way, critics, not sure you are the right ones to be talking. I’m guessing that most of these wanna be filmmakers that couldn’t get a gig doing anything creative, so they turned to criticizing others creative work, probably have websites…that are funded by ads. Also, not sure if anyone is familiar with the Super Bowl that just happened last week. You know, everyone’s favorite sport, watched by everyone’s favorite league. Subtle or not, that game is most famous for its commercials and it product placement everywhere that the game itself.
“I can’t stand superlong movies that are just about things blowing up.” Critics
Some critics claim they (they like to clump every one of them into one big ball of bitterness) are terrible because they are soooo long. Most of them were 2 1/2 hours. Oh my gosh, how could we possibly sit through a movie that long….Yes, critics couldn’t possibly sit that long for movies with explosions like their favorites to name a few, EVERY SINGLE LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE, EVERY SINGLE HOBBIT MOVIE, Saving Private Ryan, King Kong, Harry Potter, The Dark Knight Rises, Titanic? Yes, a movie about a boat that blows up, sinks and kills more that 3/4 of the people on the ship including its protagonist, which got thousands of academy awards, is almost an hour longer than any Transformers movie and they can’t handle how long it was.
Some claim the stories was confusing and hard to follow. Well if they had followed the years of comics, the animated show, and previous movies, and did a little research like critics should do, maybe they would understand a little better. And by the way, don’t tell me that movies that they have claimed are good are all completely well explained too. Anyone ever see a little movie called Tree of Life with Brad Pitt? It was long and boring and completely incomprehensible and nominated for Best Picture in 2012. My eyeballs were gonna spin out of their heads so much that didn’t make sense. A couple of explosions would have at least kept me from not wanting to go to the doctors in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and erase that movie completely from my brain.
And for all you haters out there who didn’t like them, I assume you didn’t like fun when you were growing up either. What bitter lessons can you learn than that there is more to you than meets the eye? Or you are a “Robot in Disguise”. Or that on Fridays you should “Transform and Roll Out”. Or that critics should shut up?
ARRRRGGGHHHHH
Bitter Transformater Ben