Black Friday Giftures

bensbitterblog

7 years ago

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For your Black Friday Funny Bitterness Gifture pleasure. Not really.

It’s Black Friday and nothing says Black Friday like greed. Black hearted rage, mixed with savings only 6 people will actually ever get, combined with angry, crazy people in a race for pole position for a chance at a ticket that may or may not get you into the room of a store that allows you to pay slightly less money for something you may or may not ever want and something for sure will never be appreciated as much as it should be for the trouble you had to go through to get it. It’s the bitterest day of the year for the amount of disappointment you will get. Either you go to the store and don’t get what you want, or you don’t go to the store and still don’t get what you want and you football team loses. Even if your team wins, your fantasy team lost. Or you get lost in the pass that you were supposed to drive through. Or you’re so stuffed full of stuffed turkey, that you will get stuffed on your way to dunk one on LeBron(like that would ever happen on any other day other than Thanksgiving).

First thing you wanna do is….

…brush your hair right after you fall out of bed.

Then…

…you wanna scare up some friends.

Then, make sure…

…you get your fighting pants on.

Now, when you get the chance…

…build up your strength.

When you get to your first destination…

…you’ll need some distractions.

Sometimes a good way to get in…

…is to create a good disguise.

Another distraction…

…would be to try to blame this on another person.

Be ready for anything…

…there may be fainting involved.

Be careful…

…as there might be slight overreaction when people don’t get what they want.

There might be also be a rager coming on if you don’t get…

…what YOU want.

But…

…don’t go crazy…

Because at the end…

…if you stay at home, you may get precisely what you wanted.

My suggestion? Send your family member or loved one with a camera and watch the highlights from the sidelines. Then you can fast forward to the good parts, rewind and watch them again or just make up your own highlights and bloopers reel.

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