Please…please…please.
Just the other day I realized that jettisoned is one of my favorite new words. Probably because of what it means, or at least what I thought it meant. I thought it was some general word about getting rid of something in your life to lighten your load. But then I had to go to the stupid dictionary and found out it was more of a specific thing where jets or boats releasing cargo to lighten their loads. I don’t care what the freakin dictionary says. I’m inventing my own meaning for this word and putting it in the Alphabitter(read this post for more), my own personal bitter dictionary. All I know is ejecting things from my life is what I want. Here are some examples of cargo that needs to be jettisoned from my life:
People that think they are so important…
…that they need to comb their hair everyday.
Instructions…
…that are trying to bully me.
Kids…
…that never stop talking.
People…
…that aren’t quite on the ball.
People that aren’t..
…outstanding in their field.
People…
…that need to kick it up a notch.
Dudes that are…
…better at insults than me.
It’s like taking candy…
…from a kid that is a sucker.
Fishers…
…that get taken to school by a fish.
Experts that can’t take a little…
…face painting.
Kids….
…that have a little baggage.
People that think….
…they’ve got a chance againtst gravity.
It’s Friday, so I am going to go work on jettisoning my work on to someone else. I’m going to put all my energy into that today. So now that you’ve seen a few examples of things that I want to get rid of, what do you want to jettison? Besides me? (That goes without saying.)
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Jettisoned Ben
Good luck with your jettisoning 😊. What do I want gone?
My no-longer-working REAL computah, for one. Typin’ this now on on my weensy me-phone.
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I have a graveyards worth of those. They get louder and louder and take so much time to boot up that you feel like they are going to explode. May your new computer cause you just as much bitterness in your life as I have.
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You got your wish, Bitter Ben. My brand-new beast from the local Big Electronics Store was dead-dead-dead, unable to power up at all, less than 24 hours after taking it home and out of its crisp new carton. I now await my mail-order baby, so that, when it too fails, I can have exponentially-increased bitterness due to the exponentially-increased difficulty of arranging return and refund.
Ain’t you proud of your effective mentoring?
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I’m actually pretty proud at this moment that some actually followed my advice. Unfortunately it had to be you. Next time make sure to follow someone else’s advice if you want a computer to actually work.
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Hi Ben. I started a new blog, revealing more about myself, free from stalking ex’s. I had to do some searching, but I found you; mainly because you make me laugh. I’d love to let you know which blog is/was mine, but if I write it, my psycho ex will find me again. The A.D.A. is convinced he works for a government agency, he’s that good of a hacker. What I can say is, the last time we talked, we were talking about me bringing my scumbag ex to court for sole custody of my son and an increase in child support. Anyway, I’m glad I found you again. Looking forward to more of your posts. : )
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Well, hello and welcome back. I look forward to your new blog and hope you have a good time with it. I also hope that your ex doesn’t find you because that would suck. Welcome back to BBB!
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Thank you for the for laugh out loud. Those are great GIFs!
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The gifs always do the work on Fridays. And my monkey writers do all the work the rest of the week, but thanks because I take all the credit.
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People/children that fake-cough when I’m smoking (unless they’re actually just coughing for real but it’s hard to tell), people who take up 2 parking spots on the street because they don’t understand parallel parking, professors that make attendance mandatory, frat boys (all of them), and people that think if you don’t pick up the phone ONCE you’re ignoring them and/or dead. Many more, but I’d be here all day.
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Why in the world would a professor ever take attendance. You are paying good money to skip whenever you feel like it. What’s funny is that when I was in school, my first three years I went to every class, barely ever missed. Slept through a lot, but never missed. Then, all of a sudden, come senior year, I barely ever made it to class. I remember some teachers looking at me really funny when they saw me, because they couldn’t believe that I was in their class.
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Haha. Because they were no longer out standing in their field. (Or outstanding at what they were doing.)
Nice one!
And by the way . . . I love Napoleon Dynamite. Seriously.
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I always try to at least put one good line in every post. That was one of the few. Napolean D is one of my most quotable movies. My favorite, “Tina, you fat lard, come here and get some dinner.” Classic.
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