Bitter Friday Jerktures

Hey Bitter human people (and the rest of you..). It freaking Friday and it is time to start acting like a freaking jerk. (So like I act every day.  I have a few suggestions in case you need some.)  Be mean to your neighbors, slow down significantly in in fast lane on the freeway, buy day old doughnuts and sell them and hour old doughnuts, take cuts in line, tell your kids that school starts tomorrow, follow someone’s blog then never like or comment on their blog.  Buy a one way airplane ticket for someone you dislike to Antartica, send someone an email filled with viruses, get someone’s credit card number and go online and buy $800 worth of My Little Ponies and send it to that guy’s girlfriend with a note that says, “I wanted to ask you to marry me and instead of getting you a ring, I got you $800 worth of My Little Ponies, because I love you that little.  I got a ring, but it was for my mom.” Or if you don’t like any of my ideas, you can do the following:


Be a jerk…


...stealing someone's lunch.

…by stealing someone’s lunch.



Be a jerk… eating someone's dessert.

…by eating someone’s dessert.



Be a jerk… asking for more bread at dinner.

…by asking for more bread at dinner.



Be a jerk… helping some find the floor.

…by helping someone find the floor.



Be a jerk…

...deny, deny, denying...

…by one, two, three strikes you’re out at the old lipstick gymnastics. 



Be a jerk…

... acting like a little baby.



Be a jerk..


…by walking down a trippy runway.



Be a jerk…

..turning up for what!

..turning up for what!



Be a jerk…

...playing itsy bitsy spider.

…playing itsy bitsy spider.



Be a jerk…

...setting off fireworks on the third of July.

…setting off fireworks a little too early and on helmet. 



Be a jerk…


…when sharing the love.



And finally, be a jerk… wrapping things up. wrapping things up.


Like I’m gonna be wrapping this thing up.  Cause I’ve being a jerk to others to do right now and I’ve got no time for you fools.  Now, get out there and be a jerk. You know, like you are all the time.


Bitter Jerk Ben



























26 thoughts on “Bitter Friday Jerktures

  1. The Cheetos Dude, I’m not even sure he realized the deep freeze of female ire he sank himself into. I mean, it was priceless how nonchalant he pulled that bag over her shoulder, no eye contact, smooth. But the look she gave him. Oh brother, he may a lonely fellow for a long time to come. Yeah. Very bitter Ben. Good one.


  2. I ate a Turkey Sandwich that was named “Sally” yesterday out of the work fridge… 🙂

    That guy took pulling a chair out from under someone to a whole new level and I commend him for that. I mean…He had to risk not being able to get it out – and in turn kinda looking like a total weirdo. I also applaud the guys effort to stay put – Really – I would not have put forth that much effort.

    TURN UP FOR WHAT!? (I think she enjoyed that).

    The last one made me bust out in laughter – making it obvious that I was not doing the mundane work in my office – thanks for that, you jerk.

    Happy Bitterest of Fridays to YOU, sir.


    • That is funny. We had a sign on our fridge that said someone ate a sandwich named Kevin. That joke never gets old.
      I think in the end, the guy that got the chair pulled out won that one. He almost pulled it out and he was clearly at a disadvantage. Reminds me of the US goalie yesterday. He saved so many but in the end his team failed him.


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