Road Trip Music Bitterness

 

Radio Disney.

Because Radio Disney.

Back in March, when I was finally granted one actual week of vacation out of my 4 possible weeks, it just so happened that it was on the same week as my kids Spring Break from school and the week after my parents were just coming home from Mongolia to their home base of Utah.  Since we hadn’t seen my parents for a year and a half, except through the miracle of this futuristic video chatting device called Skype and FaceTime, where people get to see your sighs instead of  just hear them, we knew that a road trip was inevitable.  Not the fun kind of road trip where you don’t plan out your route and you just drive and see stuff, but the kind that you just want to get there as soon as possible with the least amount of money spent and the least amount of potty breaks.  While I have the bladder of Superman, (I assume he can hold it to infinity) others in the Journey did not.

Always having to stop for potty breaks.

Always having to stop for potty breaks.

Road trips are a bitter all around experience, (are we there yet?, crappier McDonald’s than even your local ones, the aforementioned potty breaks), but the worst part of all is the music.  Though this trip was assisted by the Sirus XM Satellite Radio (I expect an endorsement deal from this by the way), which allowed for clear reception the whole trip, the bigger problem popped up in the form of a pop station disease called “SONGS REPEATING”.  Some days when out doing errands, we try to time our 20 minute trips just to see if we can leave with the same song playing as the one when we get back.

Not this song again!

Not this song again!

I know one thing.  If I was a radio DJ for one of these stations, I would go postal on every last CD, cassette tape, 8 track, and every digital file of every song ever created.  There is only one thing worse than hell and that is having to listen to a song you hate, by an “artist” you hate, over and over again.  I had all kinds of illusions of listening to Comedy Central, NBA Radio, or even a Latin Station (which I wouldn’t understand a word), but unfortunately ended up listening to Radio Disney because the kids might accidentally listen to it for one second instead of playing games or fighting with each other.

Just when you thought THE MOUSE couldn't make me any more bitter.

Just when you thought THE MOUSE couldn’t make me any more bitter.

Just when you thought the Mouse couldn’t make me any more bitter, the line up of Disney “Stars” found a way to make it worse.  Let’s take a look at mad writing skills that invaded my human ears for 24 hours in the last couple of weeks.

The Fox – What does the Fox Say? – YVsomething –  I know that I’m a little late this crappy song party, but here are some sample lyrics.

Dog goes woof

Cat goes meow

Bird goes tweet

Mouse goes squeak

I don’t know what the Fox says, nor do I care, but I know what I say.  I say this song, its song writers and whatever other stupid people were involved in the making of this song, should be forced to listen to thier “hit” for the rest of eternity(or at least one road trip across the United States, whichever is longest).

One Direction – The Story of My Life –   Sample Lyrics -It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone.

Well, One Direction, when you do die and you need some words for you “stone” might I suggest this:  The Story of My life is misery.  We caused misery for ourselves, our miserable fans, the parents of our fans, and all those unfortunate people that aren’t our fans(the entire earth and rest of the universe), that accidentally or road tripally ended up hearing our song.   I’ve got One Direction for you.  How about the middle of the earth where it is hot, and hopefully soundproof so that no one ever has to every hear your songs and look at your stupid hair that probably takes more time and product than a supermodel.

He's so edgy.

He’s so edgy.

Austin Mahone – “MMM Yeah” –  Sample lyrics.  “Mmm Mmm yeah yeah  All I could say was”   – Is he talking about toast?

Hey Austin, I’m sure you have mastered the ability to be handsome or wear a winter hat in the middle of the summer in order to look “edgy” and you probably have learned to memorize some lyrics for a song, but how about a basic English class?  I’m not talking a college level course which age wise you might qualify for someday, but you know, how about a 3rd grade English class where words like “Yes” and “N” are also taught?  I guess you were really tired the day they taught actual words just how you were feeling after you ate something yummy.  I can’t wait for your next song called, “Uggghh, Gross”.

Naughty Boy – “La La La” – Sample lyrics – La La,la la la  Hush, don’t speak when you spit your venom

Hey Naughty Boy.  Are you a boy?  Or are you a man?  May I ask you a question?  Did it take you all day to come up with the title of your song? Was it a toss up between La La La and Hm Hm Hm?  Or were you trying to learn Spanish that day and said, “Hey how about we do THE THE THE, but in Spanish?” or was it something deeper like, “Hey, this song was recorded in Hollywood, so we should call it Hollywood, Hollywood, Hollywood!”, but you got tired of spelling that out so you just shortened it to LA, LA, LA, but they you got tired of capitalizing the A, and just went with La.  Regardless, keep inspiring the youth of America with you laziness.  I know I’m trying.

 

I could go on about the de-inspirational songs and music that were hammered into my head so hard that I don’t have any brain cells left to work right now, but I will refrain, so you can discover the witchcraft of the 14 special songs you will hear when you go on a bitter road trip near you.

Bitter Trails

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Music in my Head Ben

 

 

 

 

 

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51 thoughts on “Road Trip Music Bitterness

  1. Pingback: In case you missed it…because you needed more things to add to your busy life | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. This may make you bitter, but what doesn’t? I nominated you for a Sunshine Award, but yours is one that for some reason keeps linking to the first one on the list. Check out my 4.17 post for details.
    Oh well; have a day.

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  3. Ha, hah, hahhhhhh.. There is really a band called Naughty Boy? Obviously I’m out of touch. Waaayyy out of touch. I don’t have kids. So much stuff I’m missing out on. I make my sister’s kids listen to Country Music when I drive them home from school. Just because I’m evil. Cruel and evil. Maybe a touch bitter.

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  4. Hah! You had me until the last one. It was one of those I hated the first 14 times I heard it and then something clicked and now I love it….

    That made you extra bitter, didn’t it?

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  5. I would rather drive into a wall or past a cliff if that Fox song came on and I had no way of changing the station or silencing the radio. I have never actually heard it, but I saw a gif of it on Tumblr, got insanely annoyed for whatever reason, and vowed to avoid it forever. So far so good.

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    • I wish you luck on your journey to avoid that song. When I was in college, whenever I heard country music my friends and I would run screaming from the room. I suggest that whenever you hear the beginning of the song.

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  6. Ah, road trip music and the bitterness of it all. In the old days, I use to drive and listen to audio books with my headphones so I could make it through the trip. Kids watched and listen to whatever Disney movie we had on the portable DVD player and I didn’t care. I still don’t care but now we listen to audio books together, or they watch/play with their iPhones. I also fly more. So fly more and less road trips!! That’s my worthless advice today!! You didn’t think I’d post something that wasn’t worthless, would you?? Very enjoyable post!!

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  7. I happen to think “The Fox” song is brilliant, and if you haven’t seen the music video, you’re really missing out. I liked that One Direction song for about a week, but the others will never be heard coming out the windows of my car.

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  8. A deluded part of me hopes my future rugrats will be into classic rock. Can’t I train them at a young age by playing it every night by their crib over and over and over?
    And I can Pavlov them by making them eat rocks every time a One Direction song plays?

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    • I just need to trick them into getting into my drill that goes into the center of the earth, then put it on auto pilot. I think I would just need to tell them that there are a lot of screaming ladies in a mall down there and they would fall for it.

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  9. Pow pow pow pow p pow… just sayin’ is all… (btw my local fox has never said that. Must be a Hollywood fox. Or maybe a Norwegian fox.) What does the mother hen know?

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  10. All I can say is that I’m glad I can’t hear music based on your post. I mean, I miss music tremendously, but I often misinterpret the lyrics because my hearing just plain sucks. I thought Lady Gaga was singing, “Cherry Pie” instead of “Poker Face.” Want to be on a road trip with me so I can fuck up all the lyrics?? I’m stuck in the 80’s. If you asked me about One Direction, other than their hideous haircuts (which I don’t think are haircuts), I wouldn’t know anything about them. So, thank you for making me feel not so bad, you bitter man, you.

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    • I don’t think I’ve ever gotten one lyric right in any song ever. I would be just fine if someone misinterpreted lyrics on a road trip as long as they don’t play the same 14 songs. I was so glad to be listening to my variety of songs on the Ipod once I got home.

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