There was a time about 13 years ago, when there was a baseball team worth following in this town called the Mariners. They were in the midst of taking a very specific type of steroids that caused them to be able to hit a baseball out of the the baseball park, and pitch fast enough to get even New York Yankees out. They ended up winning a record amount of games only to lose in playoffs to the same Yankee team they pummeled in the regular season. Ever since then, the only reason to go to a Mariner game is to get a bad view (as the clouds are always in the way) of the Puget Sound, or to eat some way overpriced garlic fries that will make you stink for a week. So, I assume that everyone is busy ignoring the beginning of the baseball season, because steroids are slightly less easy to get away with now. So for you unlucky people that had nothing going on and had read everything else on the internet, you have come to your last resort. My blog. You are in for a mistreat as I am just going to boringly recap the crap I did last week.
Batting Lead Off: Up first is Bitter Bartholomew. He was a distant ancestor of mine that somehow managed to steal a time machine from his neighbor, a relative of Doc Brown’s and now he is stuck in history. This week he visited our time and managed to break into my blog and write a post without my permission. He’s a tool, and a crappy forefather, so of course, he fits right into the bitter family. Check out his guest post if you want, but spoiler warning it is pretty bad.
Up next in the line up: Bitter Advertising Slogans. These slogans would fit right in at Safeco Field where the Seattle Mariners play. They were slogans that were taken from professionals and bitterized. I assume that people at a Mariner’s game would have more fun bitterizing slogans than watching the game.
Batting Clean up for the Bitter Blog: Bitter Friday Giftures. Considering the madness and mayhem that March brings and how bitter it makes me every year, it had to be done. Bitter Giftures about the things that make me mad. I know everything makes me bitter, but I slimmed the pickings down to 12 different things. Don’t worry, I’ll get to everything that makes me bitter, never.
I struck out on my Bitter Twitter: See below for the disastropy.
Comments for posts:
On Mahemy Friday Giftures:
“March is a bipolar kind of girl.” awordofsubstance
“How bout…I’m so mad that my
%#$😡^*!&😡%! computer is SO slow that I have to do all my internet communication on my cell phone😡” boxwinebudget
On Bitter Ad Slogans:
“Viagra: “When your just not ready” – Jodi Lea
“You could choose Geico or pay moron car insurance. Be bitter about the fact that no one wants to hear us complain. Hey! That’s it! The next time someone asks, “How are you?’ I’ll answer “You don’t want to know” and keep walking. :-)” floridaborne
Have a Bitter Sunday and have fun striking out on your favorite day of the week tomorrow, Monday.
Bitter Striking Ben