Cause you were totally missing baseball. On purpose.
There was a time about 13 years ago, when there was a baseball team worth following in this town called the Mariners. They were in the midst of taking a very specific type of steroids that caused them to be able to hit a baseball out of the the baseball park, and pitch fast enough to get even New York Yankees out. They ended up winning a record amount of games only to lose in playoffs to the same Yankee team they pummeled in the regular season. Ever since then, the only reason to go to a Mariner game is to get a bad view (as the clouds are always in the way) of the Puget Sound, or to eat some way overpriced garlic fries that will make you stink for a week. So, I assume that everyone is busy ignoring the beginning of the baseball season, because steroids are slightly less easy to get away with now. So for you unlucky people that had nothing going on and had read everything else on the internet, you have come to your last resort. My blog. You are in for a mistreat as I am just going to boringly recap the crap I did last week.
Batting Lead Off: Up first is Bitter Bartholomew. He was a distant ancestor of mine that somehow managed to steal a time machine from his neighbor, a relative of Doc Brown’s and now he is stuck in history. This week he visited our time and managed to break into my blog and write a post without my permission. He’s a tool, and a crappy forefather, so of course, he fits right into the bitter family. Check out his guest post if you want, but spoiler warning it is pretty bad.
Up next in the line up: Bitter Advertising Slogans. These slogans would fit right in at Safeco Field where the Seattle Mariners play. They were slogans that were taken from professionals and bitterized. I assume that people at a Mariner’s game would have more fun bitterizing slogans than watching the game.
Batting Clean up for the Bitter Blog: Bitter Friday Giftures. Considering the madness and mayhem that March brings and how bitter it makes me every year, it had to be done. Bitter Giftures about the things that make me mad. I know everything makes me bitter, but I slimmed the pickings down to 12 different things. Don’t worry, I’ll get to everything that makes me bitter, never.
I struck out on my Bitter Twitter: See below for the disastropy.
Comments for posts:
On Mahemy Friday Giftures:
“March is a bipolar kind of girl.” awordofsubstance
“How bout…I’m so mad that my
%#$😡^*!&😡%! computer is SO slow that I have to do all my internet communication on my cell phone😡” boxwinebudget
On Bitter Ad Slogans:
“Viagra: “When your just not ready” – Jodi Lea
“You could choose Geico or pay moron car insurance. Be bitter about the fact that no one wants to hear us complain. Hey! That’s it! The next time someone asks, “How are you?’ I’ll answer “You don’t want to know” and keep walking. :-)” floridaborne
“DiGiorno’s: It’s not delivery, it’s frozen
KFC: Finger Lickin Gross” Marissa Bergen
On Bitter Bartholomew Guest Post:
“I think Honest Abe is probably Bitter Bartholomew’s bitter rival.” Katie
“I know you will feel even more bitter hearing this, but I’m sorry to hear he’s gone, because I enjoyed his visit and his post. Now I will be stuck laughing on a regularly basis only at your own bitter, bitter posts.” Outlier Babe
“Bitter Bart has managed to wreak a lot of havoc. I think he accomplished his mission in Boston.” Kerbey
And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, I leave you with some bonus Giftures:
Cause let’s extend winter longer.
sfd
For the Daredevil in none of us.
Have a Bitter Sunday and have fun striking out on your favorite day of the week tomorrow, Monday.
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH
Bitter Striking Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Reblogged this on Cigarette electronique Paris.
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Tried to comment on your 300 blog. Did you block me???? Day late and a dollar short on my congrats. Just think how many people really enjoy bitter. It’s obviously not true that one should surround oneself with positive people.
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I would never block you. I need your bitter input.
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Bitter Ben, I hate baseball. I guess I’m bitter. Anyway, my friend has a son who was drafted 87th a couple of years ago for the Washington Nationals. I was bitter then. Next, he went on to gradually lower minor leagues; his Mom was bitter. Then he went to play Australian baseball; my bitterness soared. Bratty kid gets to see Australia, and gets paid slave wages to throw a baseball. This season opens and he is playing in the Czech Republic. I think he might be a little bitter. Nothing spreads bitterness like success.
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The glamour of baseball is only for the few that make the majors. And most of them aren’t five tool players, they are just tools.
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The only thing I don’t want to break with regard to Gwyneth Paltrow is her silence.
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When she was almost run over by a bus, I was really mad at the bus for not completing the job.
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“Bitter Striking Ben” — best sign off yet.
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Mostly because someone wants to strike me at all times.
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I loved the old game. Played by likes of Banks, Maris and Mantle. The new guys make the salaries that match the GNP’s of small third world countries. Most of them overrated and one or two year players. It is above all a game. Next we will play tag for money.
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Even the 80’s and 90’s weren’t too bad. It wasn’t until they were making $5 or $6 mill a year and contracts were escalating to the point of ridiculousness that I was completely turned off.
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I just realized: your name is Ben and you’re from Seattle; I used to have a good friend named Ben from Seattle who tried to get me to go to a Mariners game with him. Now I’m glad I didn’t. 🙂
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I just realized that I pretended that I was your friend and offered you a ticket to the Mariners just to mess with you. I was pretty bitter that you didn’t go.
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Haha 🙂 in that case I’ll pretend I owe you one.
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That sounds fine. You can treat me to dinner next time you are in Seattle. Or at least the Ben that is pretending to be me.
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Oh God, no lol, at this point I’d rather treat you!
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What did alternative Ben do to you? Try to convert you to Marinerism? That is a bad thing.
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Well I’m not a die-hard baseball fan but if I have to choose I go with the Giants.
But no. It was much worse. His intentions were not honest.
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I come to this blog to be bitter…yet when I see you quoting my comments, this strange thing happens. The corners of my mouth start to lift up and my heart feels a bit lighter. Can you tell me this strange emotion I am feeling?
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It is an emotion you want to avoid at all costs. It will trick you into being nice to others and that doesn’t spread bitterness. Avoid that feeling at all costs.
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