Revenge of the Giftitures

My entire life and I assume everyone else’s, people have been mean.  That is thing about us humans.  We have an innate desire to be mean.  The way you react to people shows the type of person you are.  Most people do their best to turn the other cheek or discuss their feelings with someone about how the mean thing makes them feel.  I, on the other hand, immediately start planning and plotting the best way to get revenge.  The bitterer the betterer.  In fact, my abilities to get revenge on someone is so strong, that one of my companions on my mission started calling me Revengerman.  This post of Giftures is dedicated to all those who seek and get revenge.

What you don’t see is what happens immediately after this…

The monkey gets him tale pulled…

I will tell you we are off to steal some pennies from the free penny jar at the gas station…

..then pull out really fast in my car because you’re a dork!

I will sneak into your backyard really stealth like…


…and steal the most rare substance on earth called water that only covers 80% of the earth! HAHA!

I will pretend to work today by typing things on my computer…


…when really all I’m doing is blogging…

I will call in sick on Monday…


…when really I’m jumping on the trampoline all day not working…ha ha!



I accidently placed this creepy red ballon there.  How did that happen?

Hey! Good game, I know you didn’t cheat to win 40-12.  No hard feelings.  Before you go, let me just take one more shot….


…at your head!

I will leave my car on the tracks just as you are pulling up to the train tracks and you will be forced to try to save me….


…then boom!   I will scare you with a slow moving train…

I will build up a large amount of snow on top of my truck and have you follow…


then when you least suspect it…I will go under a bridge and spray snow at you and it will cause you to have to use your windshield wipers!  So evil!

I will again stand on the railroad tracks waiting for a train…


…then throw a ball at you causing you to look like a dork with your thumbs up gesture…

I will climb into your kitchen cabinets appearing to be gone forever….


then when you least suspect it….jump out of the top drawer. 

So, be lazy today at work and get revenge on your boss for actually having your work this week.  Or go home and plot your bitter revenge some other way.  I don’t care.


Bitter Revengerman

63 thoughts on “Revenge of the Giftitures

  1. Pingback: In case you missed it…Cause you were busy ignoring me all week | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I spend my life exactly like that monkey. My revenge, and I have some planned, but THIS week, it would consist of finding the person responsible for giving me their cold and then make them watch the Ice Dancing short program at Sochi. Also to be joined by the person who ate my peanut butter chocolate chip cookie at work. Bitter much?


  3. I’ve been thinking – the best way to get revenge on you would probably be to run up to you, give you a big hug, and tell you to have a nice day. The tighter the squeeze the better, right?


    • I sure hope you cleaned yourself up as soon as you pissed yourself, cause you know, that probably made you bitter.
      I always make sure I have things on my car that will shoot out when I go under bridges so people have something to be bitter at me about.


  4. School is cancelled today bc it is 25 degrees. No snow, no ice. Just cold. So my son is home, and I had to call him in here to see all these great gifs (gifts essentially). We sound like a couple of Homer Simpsons, watching them. DOH!


  5. I will scare you with a slow moving train…lol. My favorite line. You are a riot and I mean that in every sense of the word. Are you sure we don’t live in the same town because that snow in the back of the truck thing……


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