Noize Bitterness

under rug swept

Apparently she has been under rug swept.

Alanis Morrisette (are you still alive?) take note.  10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife is not ironic.  The other night I called T-mobile on my cell phone to add my wife as another line on my cell phone plan.  It took 20 minutes, 3 transfers, 2 calls and my wife intervening to actually make that happen.  What is ironic about that? 1. They are a communications company and they weren’t communicating with either each other or me.  2. There was some serious interference on either my side or his, but at one point in the phone call, the Customer Service Agent said, “Wow, the connection on this line is really bad.”  3.  I asked this agent if I could give him my home phone number and he could call me back.  He said they were only an inbound call center, so unfortunately, he couldn’t call me back.  From a call center.  Of a cell phone company.

Many people thought this was a picture of him inventing the phone.  It's really just him in the loony bin talking to himself.

Many people thought this was a picture of him inventing the phone. This was actually his hearing aid.

As you all may know, from either my past posts, or from my bitterness in every aspect of my life, I hate phones.  If Marty McFly came to my house and said you can only take 100 trips to the past, future or present, 1 of those trips would be Alexander Gram Bell’s house, circa whenever he was inventing phones and tell him to not invent the phone.  Either that or smash any the phone right before he invented it and tell him to just skip to texting or internet.  I would tell him of the horrors of a dark, evil and downright scary dungeon-like place called a call center.  I would show him pictures of rich, teenage girls with nothing better to do buy talking on phones about the fact that they were too tired from carrying all the $1000 pair of shoes they bought.

scream

“I see Dead People…”

The worst part of the phone is the noise.  If you’ve ever seen any horror movie ever, the best way to scare someone completely senseless is to turn the lights down, make it completely silent and then surprise someone with a loud ring from a phone.  Add the creepy “voice modification” on the other end and you have yourself a complete heart attack.  Noone every died of a heart attack from getting an email or text.

Such noisy and may I say deadly shoes, as well.

Such noisy (and may I say deadly) shoes.

You know what else makes noise? Other people.  People wear shoes with noisemakers(not just clowns), others swish when they walk.  Do you know what kind of shoes don’t make noise? Socks. But the worst noise is the one that comes from the big facehole between the nose and the chin.  We were given five senses for a reason.  The most important sense is the common sense to not to ever use it(the facehole not the common sense).  It is always getting people in trouble, and nothing smart has ever come out of it.  So just follow the Anti-Nike slogan and just don’t use it.  If you have something smart to say, which you don’t, type it or use a pencil and write it down, then throw it away where no one will ever see it.  Let my eyes tell you the story.  They say:  Don’t talk to me.  Leave me alone.  Go away.  No, I don’t want to do that.

Quit encouraging them to make something of themselves.

Quit encouraging them to make something of themselves.

Other people’s kid’s are noisy.  First they cry and babble.  Then they try to walk and talk.  Soon they are learning how to build things, make things, be constructive, etc.  Please parents, don’t encouraging children to grow and learn and experiement.  All that will ever do is lead to more noise.  That has never been a good thing.  This will just give them the confidence to be leaders and builders and creators.  In other words, you are just teaching them to make more noise.  As you know, leaders just talk and shout and motivate.  No one wants to hear more words.  Builders are pounding nails, hammering things, pushing knobs and switches and powering things up.  More noise.  Creators are typing, and molding, talking to a camera and inventing things like phones.  Noise.  Please just teach your kids not to talk, not to cry and not to be “anything they can dream of being”.  Because noise.

Destruction is so close.  Only 40 trillion years to go.  No need to make your bed.

Destruction is so close. Only 40 trillion years to go. No need to make your bed.

Please, if you want to do your part of saving the planet(which will die out eventually in 40 trillion years anyways), stop making noise.  Don’t wear shoes, stop being another person, definitely don’t be a phone and most importantly don’t be other people’s kids.  Stop dreaming of being something in your life.  Just be the most noisefree, insignificant person you can be.  Be all you can’t be.  Recumbentibus!

Arrrgghhh

Bitterly Quiet Ben

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56 thoughts on “Noize Bitterness

  1. When I was in Jr. High, some of the girls decided it would be fun to attach bells to their shoelaces. It took about 2 weeks before the adults were driven completely crazy and banned them.

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  2. Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were busy failing at playing in traffic | Ben's Bitter Blog

    • Maybe if all stores were carpeted and vaccummed every day…Anyways, shoes are such a burden sometimes and it seems like we are wearing them more than we are in socks or barefoot, which to me is more comfortable so..

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        • Yeah, I often tell one of my best friends, “I’m sorry, but I’m not. Like . . . half and half. Or 70-30”
          I kind of fence-sit when it comes to anything that doesn’t involve things I don’t have firm opinions on. >.>
          Glad to know I’m not alone, but I know that’s something a lot of people find frustrating.

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        • That’s why I try to avoid politics and such, because I’m not near enough informed about the issues and most I don’t really want to know about. Then when people ask me what my stance is I’m like, “uhhh…I don’t know” or I will just change my mind to whatever they think. It’s just kind of not my thing.

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        • Sometimes I wonder how we go from karate chopping coconuts to this sort of stuff, haha.
          It’s pretty awesome.

          I avoid talking about politics (and religion) like the plague, just because people will always have such differing opinions (and beliefs) that all it will do is cause needless arguments where no one will listen to anyone else. Everyone is so determined to FIGHT TO THE DEATH for their opinions. I’m one of them. That’s why I’d rather keep mine to myself and just avoid that sort of thing at all costs. I say let people have their opinions and don’t try to make me fight for mine because you sure as s*** won’t change them. And people can’t ever have discussions about it without arguing. There’s a BIG difference between discussing and arguing. I just don’t want to argue opinions because . . . they’re OPINIONS. Everybody is entitled to their own. You know what I mean?
          And also, I honestly just don’t care about politics in the slightest. Mostly because they don’t make a difference in anything, or there’s nothing anyone can do to make a difference in them, if that makes sense.

          Whew. Sorry!

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        • I try not fight about politics or religion either. Politics are boring and I don’t know anything about them anyways, so I wouldn’t be able to contribute anything meaningful. As far as religion, I have mine and I’m committed to it, but I try not to be in people’s face about it. People used to try to fight with me on my mission, but I usually tried to just steer it toward the common things we believed in, instead of fighting about it. Debating it just does no good. You rarely hear of anyone changing their minds about something so huge as religion by arguing about it anyway.
          Besides, isn’t the unofficial religion of Kentucky the Wildcats anyways? That is just coconuts. There we go, now we’ve gone full circle.

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        • Politics really are boring, and I have no opinion on them past disliking them. DO have some opinions on issues that come up WITHIN politics, but don’t care to share them. I only have one friend I’ll discuss that sort of stuff with, and only because we can have discussions about it rather than arguments.
          As for the way politics actually work? Don’t know, totally don’t care…

          EXACTLY! This is what I’m saying! You will NOT change anyone’s mind about something like religion by arguing with a person about it! It baffles me why people bother trying.
          There’s a huge difference in living your life by example or whatever, and pushing your views on people. I seriously respect people who can have their views and not feel the need to sway others toward them (or attempt it).

          HAHA, yes, the unofficial religion of Kentucky is the Wildcats. You get the ones who prefer Louisville, and that’s totally fine (but apparently not the other way around . . .). But you’ll never hear me pushing them on anyone. I just love them.

          And you know…I was totally joking about that, but … isn’t that the way it SHOULD be?
          People just living their lives, loving what they love, and everybody being happy in the things they want to worship?
          (Totally not saying I worship them, but …I’m sure you get the connection.)

          And I’m STILL sounding like the weird chick from Mean Girls. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
          Sorry for being weird in your comments. Again.

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        • Maybe Mean Girls is YOUR all time favorite. Or one of them since you don’t really have favorites (that you know of). I think people should debate important things like was Final Fantasy 7 or Final Fantasy 10 better? But for only discussion sake. Some vidiots get a little riled up about even games. Seems like people should just have discussions in a grown up way. Seems like some kids are better able to deal with differences in opinion than politicians. I even did a post about the bitter debates that were going on a couple years ago and compared them to children not getting their way.

          They just need to understand that we should be trying to reach common ground as opposed to fighting about petty differences.

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        • LOL, no Mean Girls isn’t my all-time favorite. It’s probably one of them, but not at the very top.

          You see? Even though VII is my all-time favorite game (got that one), I won’t argue with someone over it. X had its amazing points as well.
          I don’t know why people can’t just have discussions. And yes, I’ll agree about the kids thing.
          I’d rather not watch debates. Have watched bits of them before though, if I recall correctly…

          You’re absolutely right. I’ve given up hope for people reaching common ground. We’re petty beings. :/

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        • I never did get to play VII. I didn’t have a Playstation until I got FF10. I really only played that game and a few others on the Ps2. I even tried to do Kingdom Hearts, but couldn’t get through a certain part and quit. I gotta say I love the music for both games though. FF has always been good at that.

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        • GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. VII is amazing.

          I swear, I loved PS when I was younger. Swore I’d never touch an XBox. Then the 360 and 3 came out and look what happened…

          I played Kingdom Hearts. Wish I could play it again because I can’t remember how far I got in it or anything. :/

          Yeah, FF has some AMAZING music. Apart from 14-2, which was just . . .
          No.

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        • I was always a Nintendo guy, though I did get a PS2 for FF10 and a few others, I mostly did Nintendo until a couple of years ago when I couldn’t stand how Nintendo just kept making the same stupid games over and over, none of which I liked and Xbox and PS3 kept having games I wanted. So I finally bought my brothers old one and have been with them ever since. It get the best when I glomed onto my crew with Gears 3. We are trying to get Borderlands 2 going, so I will probably getting it soon. If I get it, I will give you a shout. Though you will probably be busy writing all your triquels.

          About the music on FF, I would love to just sit and listen to that music all the time.

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        • Husband and I talk about the GameCube sometimes. Lucky we both agree that it was extremely underrated because I would argue for days about that. I WILL say I’ve never touched a Wii, which is kind of a bummer in some ways (that I never have and the whole thing in general).
          We talk a lot about how games have changed, and that’s all well and good, but I really think it wouldn’t hurt to have some of them get ‘back to basics’…Such as what Nintendo did with the Wii. Might be fun (the Kinect is), but more often than not, when I’m gaming? I just want to sit and not flail around. :/
          I swore I would never touch an XBox (might’ve said that), but 360 ended up coming out with all the better games. Plus, I LOVE THE GAMERSCORE/achievements. I have issues.

          As for FF music, I used to do just that. With 10, I would open it up, go to Mt. Gagazet, and just leave it up. LOVE it. Even still, I love the music there.

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        • The Gamecube did get kind of a bad rap, but because of the small discs and lack of games. I think Nintendo has always had a lack of games because they never keep up with the tech of the other two and try to go their own way. With the Wii it worked, but really started to fade near the end. This Gen they go hosed. I actually like the Gamepad, but they just never seem to get anyone else on board, but their own developers. If they could listen to other developers and their feedback they might be able to compete. I love the XBox for their Xbox live and the fact that they games are more grown up, which I am now.
          I agree with the motion thing. I never did stand up for that motion thing. I always did the lazy thing.

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        • I wonder how long we’ve been commenting back and forth on some of your posts.
          Probably a long while, given my gaps in getting on here. XD

          I didn’t really mind the small discs of the GameCube. And it might not have had a CRAPTON of games, but there were some on there that I absolutely LOVED.

          I agree with all the stuff you’re saying. They really should be a bit more open.

          I love XBox for the achievements. I have a problem. It’s kind of serious.

          Found out earlier today that my husband has a Super NES somewhere. Now I want to play Mario. GAAAH

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        • I think we are still commenting on some of your posts too. Some way old ones. Funny. How do we break the cycle though. I guess just commenting off blogs or something. The history and variety of video games is just stunning. It really boggles my mind everytime I think of all the worlds I could have in my novel.

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        • Are we?
          I don’t know.
          There for a while, we were commenting on like 20 different posts at a time. haha

          We slowly broke the cycle, but I’d imagine that it could get started back up again really quick.
          Commenting off blogs? Like, “Hey, I’m going to text you with what I think of your blog?”
          lol
          I am WAY too slow on my phone for that. I’m pretty horrible about texting anyway.

          So . . . are you putting video game worlds INTO your novel? Is that what it is?

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  3. You know what’s noisy? My drunken neighbor trying to bust into my apartment at 5:45am because he thinks it’s his place. I actually had to call the police to get him to stop, and I live in the Nice neighborhood! I’m so glad he stopped by to apologize the next day. Wait, he thinks the only person in the world is him. He would never think to apologize. Thank you for allowing a place to vent bitterness. Aloha.

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  4. Too excel at insignificance… my new goal for 2014 unless I’ve already accomplished it, which I may already have, particularly since i haven’t posted any new blogs in 2014 and apparently no one has missed me. Hurray! I’ve accomplished something!

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  5. Don’t forget the iconic NEW YORKER that has nothing better to do than YELL EVERY WORD! “I got a CAB to TIMES SQUARE, and ya know what? Well, I’ll tell ya..this WACK JOB comes over and..” If there was a Noiseolympics, New York City and Bergen County, Jersey would face off in the final round. WHAT? YOUSE GUYS KIDDING ME?

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  6. Phones make me super bitter. I sat on the bus this morning just marinating in bitterness as the loud mouth behind me yapped on the phone. Hey chick, no one cares about what you, like, pick for your like major or whatever. I don’t know what made me more bitter, the phone call on a silent sanctuary of a bus or the excessive use of: like, whatever, and you know.

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  7. I’m sending a lot of fuzzy brain noise to you at this moment. You should be getting it the minute you finish reading this comment….buzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    I sat here for 15 minutes after I read your post and that was the comment I came up with….isn’t that ironic?

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    • That noise you just made really hurt my head. I’m going to have to go lay down and take a 7-9 hour nap. Then I will need to go to bed.

      I prefer to lazily and terribly comment as opposed to taking so much time. You perfectionist!

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  8. You will be happy to know I am sitting here, wearing socks, not making noise. Like other people’s children. Who need to be controlled. Especially at Mexican restaurants. Simmer down now.

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  9. “Today we are here to commemorate the Wright brothers, Orville and Redenbacher” Eric Cartman.

    You can’t go back in time and smashy smashy Alexander Graham Bell’s (which I thought was Grand Bell’s) telephone, maybe just bitch slap the inventor of the cell phone? It’s a texting machine, like instant messenger handheld version.

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  10. I like to claim the reason I don’t wear heels is because they’re too noisy. In reality, I just don’t care enough about my appearance, I can’t walk in them, I find most of them uncomfortable, and they give me really unflattering toe cleavage.

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