I just said this out loud so I could claim the quote.
As we come to the end of yet another first week of school, I think about the fact that this is my son’s first full half week of half days of “real school” known as kindergarten. Every week this will make me more bitter because he already closing the gap on how much smarter I am than him. Yesterday, he told me that he would learn how to turn a computer off “without the button”. I told him, “When I was your age, computers were something only the government and military used.” He said, “Whoa! Really?” and walked off with his 3DS, that would have made the government in my day say, “Whoa, really?” Since my intelligence is decreasing each time I watch a reality TV show and eat a pizza, my kids should catching me by the end of the summer. Maybe if I can encourage them to skip homework and watch TV with me, I can seem superior for a few more months . Bitter luck, next time me.
What is wrong with this picture? Kids sleeping peacefully.
I’m bitter because I didn’t know this earlier. I’m going to go ahead extrapolate this data and say that if I sleep on the couch and watch TV, I would burn almost twice the amount of calories. I am going to tell my boss as soon as she gets in that we need to start being more healthy by sleeping and watching TV at the same time in order to burn more calories. She will probably say something about how she doesn’t care how healthy I am, but more about “how much work I do”. I will then tell her how she should care more about employees and we will then be in a bitter feud all because she wouldn’t let me be healthier. I win…and lose.
All they can do is help us breathe?
Speaking of being able to do two different things, I think trees need to start stepping up their game. I’m am about as lazy as it comes, but as you can see above, I can both lay on a couch, watch TV and ignore other people at the same time. Trees produces oxygen, I produce carbon dioxide and other “emissions”. Trees can reproduce themselves. I can reproduce a child and a tree. Trees make wood. I can make things with wood and plastic. Trees produce paper. We can produce white paper, colored paper, newspaper etc. We can produce Wifi, trees just get in the way of Wifi. So in a contest of versatility and multitasking, we win. So, how about working on some WiFi for us trees? Then we might be willing to plant more of you. Besides, I’m pretty sure you guys outnumber us. If you really wanted to start a rebellion, you could totally take us over. But you prefer to just stand there year after year. Lazy trees.
Arrgghhh
Bitter Friday Ben
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Oh, BB, you are so funny. I love your bitter posts. Watch out for bad lessons the school will teach your children! My oldest son returned from kindergarten and announced, “Hey Mom, I found out I’m smarter than you or Dad. Your brain cells have been dying off for years and I’ve still got all of mine!”
At least we are smarter than trees.
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I’m already less smart than my kindergartner and he is just starting his 3rd day today.
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Just wait until he comes home and asks, “Hey, how come you guys never told me that girls have ma-chinas?” I guess we should have used scientific vernacular. We were so bitter. And so was he.
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I can wait for that day. For a long time.
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I totally agree that the trees need to get in on the wi-fi signaling. How can I possibly be lazy in nature without an Internet connection?
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Or going running and have wi-fi.
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I miss kindergarten. All I had to do was color grapes and say the alphabet. I even got stickers if I colored the grapes the appropriate color. Why did I have to grow up? 😛
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Also, while reading about the trees I had epic flashbacks of LOTR when the Ents got mad and beat up on Sauron for a bit. If that happened for real and we were Sauron, we’d be dead. I have a feeling that notion will be fuel for my nightmares…
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That sounds like a Bitter Nightmare. Sorry for that terrible reminder.
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I miss kindergarten too. Maybe I should just quit and do the Adam Sandler thing and go with my son.
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Lazy **** trees. They get to used to people hugging them all the time, they forget they need to be useful!
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If they weren’t standing I wouldn’t have such an issue with them. But if they want to be lazy they should really just lay down.
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Go easy on those trees. They are just showing solidarity with you and your laziness.
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Except they stand the whole time. I lay down. How about I chop them down, then they can be lazy.
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I bet they’d thank you for that.
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I know. Who doesn’t want to be more lazy?
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Oh boy. I laughed so hard at the “if trees gave off wi fi signals”, then your caption! How bitter of you!
I know I couldn’t compete with a third grader, and probably not even a kindergartner.
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I would never lose wifi if trees gave it out. Seattle has so many trees we don’t know what to do with them. Wifi sounds like a great solution.
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Me too! In a bitter way of course…
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I’m really good at stealing other people’s funny and claiming it as my own.
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this is such good news. i’ve been watching tv & sleeping at the same time for at least 13 years…well 13 yrs. with the tv on 24 /7….i’m going out on a limb & saying since 1991, i have been burning twice the amount of calories…ty for telling me!
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It’s a bitter service I provide. Lessons on laziness.
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you do provide a good service.. a lazy service
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As service that I do while on the couch and by example.
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lol…is there any better way. i can’t imagine.
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No better way.
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if trees ruled the world ,you would have to stand to provide this service.you couldn’t LOL…i think they might, b/c i stand around being stiff.
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I wouldn’t survive long in a tree ruled world.
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why not?
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I would have to stand up all the time.
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yes that’s true…i have seen trees lie down…i’ve seen pictures.. if a tree lies down in the forest who would know?
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If you are a tree and you are lying down, you are most likely dead.
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i thought so, but i didn’t want to say it out loud. i’m glad you were brave enough to say it.
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I’m not afraid of exposing the truth about trees. Someone needs to.
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LOL. i know you aren’t afraid to expose the truth about trees…if not you, then who…?
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There is the whole treehouse thing that we watched this weekend. We could spend 150 grand on making a nice one.
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wow . that’s a lot of pistachios for a treehouse.have you been watching home & garden tv again?
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Not sure what channel it was; they all seem the same to me, but it was one of those.
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i saw one a long time ago,on that channel;people ,regular tall people , i guess you call them adults , lived in it.
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This one had that. They were using it as a guest house and a room for their college daughter when she was home for the summer.
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that’s an expensive guest house.. maybe they will let me go there.
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It’s in Oregon. I would have a better chance of living there.
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true, but i want to go to harry & david ‘s in oregon…it;’s alright. they have them in va.malls or a catalogue.
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They have Harry and David’s all over. Why wouldn’t you just go to the one in your local mall?
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do they ? well they did in va… i don’t think they have them in myrtle beach. i’ve never been to a mall here, not since 1915 anyway… they only have one t j maxx.
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Sounds like a bitter wasteland.
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it ‘s like the old west.1 saloon.1 walmart.
i’m waiting for you to say the mullet are chasing the dolphin on my poem from last night..
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Not even a Target? That sucks.
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i don’t think they have those.lol
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In all of South Carolina?
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i don’t even know. they probably do.i’ll look
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I wouldn’t worry about it. I just feel profound sadness for people that have to use Walmart instead of Target.
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they have 2 targets, well 1 in myrtle & 1 in n. myrtle…i don’t have to use either target or walmart…i’lltell you what this man who got my groceries uses walmart & he bought frozen spinach & there was like a piece of metal in it .
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Gross.
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i was pretty upset , after i made stuffed shells .
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Let the trees rule the world. They don’t make wars or threaten to make wars. They like each other. Let’s make a tree for president. It would remain, tall, stoic and peaceful. No lies woule be made, I trust a tree. Good blog creating lots of smiles especially our very intelligent son.
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If trees rule the world, we would all be standing around all the time standing really stiffly and being wooden.
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i am a kindy teacher and can confirm that your son will pass you in no time, hope you’re not going to be too bitter about it )
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Of course I am bitter about it, but I’m always bitter, so no big deal.
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I never realized how lazy trees are. Perhaps the willow weeps in shame. You have shed serious light on this issue. I envision a world where trees become “peoplehuggers” when they realize how awesome we are in comparison.
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They just kind of try to grow taller than us to try to intimidate us, but we just keep cutting them down and using them for shade.
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Trees SHOULD take over the world! Here come the nightmares….
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If it wasn’t for them being so passive, we wouldn’t have a chance.
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Loved this post. Trees with wifi would be great! Then I wouldn’t have to stick my modem out on the back porch to get a signal ,which I can only do if it’s not too hot, too cold or raining.
I’ll sure be glad when trees get with the program! They need to learn how to multitask.
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If only I multitasked anything important, the trees might have a fight on their hands.
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Trees don’t watch reality TV, so pretty soon they’ll be smarter than us, too. They’ll be making stuff out of people – probably Soylent Green.
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They are probably trying to land on our phone lines right now.
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What an argument.
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Trees? Yep.
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It looks like grate minds are working in tandem this morning.
At least trees make a stand and stick to their position. Not like humans.
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If my mind works at all like my body today, it has completely shut down. ‘
I stick to my position more than most though. Laying on the couch.
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Trees are at peace..with wifi ..they will be connected and all info would make them restless ..no peace..
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Aren’t trees all about “connection”? If so, while they are connecting limbs and branches maybe they could help me “connect” to the internet.
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yes..but that would make them bitter..if connections are not made smooth
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Which is why trees should make our Wi-fi smoother.
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yessss
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Hi. I don’t know how you react..but I wanted to nominate you for a bunch of awards 🙂 if it makes you bitter, its good for you and if makes you happy its good for me.
http://kalabalu.wordpress.com/2013/09/08/yaayyy-i-love-awards/
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I’m more bitter that the link you put on there just linked back to your site. I’m bitter that I didn’t think of this devious plan before you.
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hee hee
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Pure genius. I shall steal that one some day.
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