There are two things I have learned about The Simpsons over my years of watching the Simpsons. First, when I started watching the show, I always thought that Bart was the star. He had all the catchphrases, like “Eat my shorts!” and “Don’t have a cow!” and “Cowabunga!” that made him seem like the main character. But after a while, whether it was intentional or not, I realized it was definitely Homer that drives the show. Although he has a number of catchphrases, the “heart” of the show is Homer and his “Oddessy”. Second, in the beginning of the show, it starts you off in a direction you think the show will be about, then subtly shifts to a completely different plot. It took me a while to figure out, because I’m slow. It made me bitter sometimes when I wanted the show to be about the beginning part.
When I graduated from college, I was pretty excited. It wasn’t because of the fantastic job I had waiting for me(still waiting for that), or because of the awesomeness of being a grown up (yeah bills!), but because I didn’t have to do homework anymore. Never again would my eyes have to gloss over when looking at math homework. I moved on to being bitter about everything else, like my job, my terrible apartment and my serious lack of a social life. Fast forward a few years (nothing to see here!) and I get married.
My wife is in her last semester of school, and she and I are both working full time (bills again) and she takes 18 credits. Since I have nothing better to do after work, and she is taking a math class (she couldn’t do it in the first 3 3/4 of her 4 year degree?) I get to drudge up all my terrible memories of math and help her. (Luckily she passes or I would have been really bitter!) At least I am now done forever again.
But no, we have to have a few mini us’s so that we can learn what it feels like to not sleep for a decade, and how babies can burp and fart and it’s cute, but I am a disgusting vile pig when I do the same. We also get to learn how to earn just enough money for ourselves only to realize that every last dime goes to them. Luckily, they have a program called school that teaches them that someday, they will have to the opportunity to get a job so they can dedicate every dime they earn to their fart-burp/sleep deprivators. But before they can do that, they need to learn math. But they can’t learn all of that at school from a teacher that is paid really poorly to teach them that. They have to send it home so the parents who thought they were done forever with math can do it for their kids (uh I mean, help their kids).
So yeah, I’m so glad that I’m a grown up, so I don’t have to worry about going back to school and doing homework. Not bitter about that at all. Doh!
Bitter Math Homework until I die Ben