My Facebook would be full of selfies if I was the Supes.
I am so bitter that my Android phone posted that Super Bitterness before I was ready to post. Arrrghhh! Now I am Super Bitter at my phone and WordPress for allowing my phone to post something before it was ready. So without further ado, here is the first paragraph that you have already read, with additional content, like other words and maybe a picture or two with snarky remarkies.
In honor of me staying up until midnight to watch The Man of Steel because I aspire to be an outsider from another planet and destroy things with ease, I am going to list some reasons why I’m bitter I am not Superman.
I’m bitter because I couldn’t use those laser eyes to cut down the blackberry bushes next to our property. In fact maybe I would use my Super abilities to burrow under the earth and cut them out with the roots.
Superman’s ultimate nemesis ,the evil blackberry bushes and their evil stickers. Stronger than even kryptonite.
I’m bitter because I couldn’t use my Super Speed to spin the earth backwards a few hours so this post didn’t get destroyed by my phone.
I’m bitter because I can’t use my Super Breath to play petty pranks on people like blowing rainclouds on places like Phoenix and Sunshine on Seattle.
I’m bitter because I can’t use my freeze breath to make it snow in the summer in places like Charleston, SC or Miami, Florida.
I’m bitter because I’m not a scrub on the bench for the Spurs so I could stand in lane and take a charge from Lebron James and have him realize that he wasn’t the strongest person in the universe.
I’m bitter because I don’t have the excuse that I can’t save anyone today because I live in Seattle and I can’t see the sun.
You’re next Omaha! It’s for the sake of the world, so sacrifices must be made!
I’m bitter because I can’t destroy major cities like Metropolis or Omaha, Nebraska and claim it was for “saving the world”.
I’m bitter because I can’t use my heat vision to warm up my toast in the morning.
I’m bitter because I can’t use my super speed to write snarky tweets on Twitter. (Example: Have you seen Zod’s Haircut? Those Caeser’s haircuts are so younger Clooney.)
This is where my Fortress of Bittertude will be.
I’m bitter because I don’t have a fortress of Bittertude in Hawaii. (The north pole? Really dad? You couldn’t put it in Hawaii?)
I’m bitter because I had to wait and hour in line, watch 30 minutes of previews before the previews and then watch 24 minutes of actual previews before we got to the 3D previews. So I waited as long for the movie as the actual movie was.
I’m very bitter that I don’t have my laser vision for fixing the road repairs and getting the money that they construction crews claim it should have cost to do the construction.
I am the most Super Bitter that my lazycation is almost over.
Arrrghhhh
Bitter Ben
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Ben's Bitter Blog 
I was being bitter about blackberry vines myself today and Googled “blackberry vines are evil”. Which lead me to your page. I just copied your picture and quoted you on my Facebook.
I live in Vancouver. I believe the same vine is in both of our yards.
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Oh wow, I can’t believe I made it on someone’s Facebook! I feel like a celebrity and I totally can’t stand the Blackberries. Good luck to you in your fight against the evil Blackberry plague.
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Pingback: Bitter Ben Kryptonite | Ben's Bitter Blog
I’m bitter you want to wipe out my town! What’s that about. I think you’re just bitter you aren’t as cool as me! Oh, and that I won the emoticon war! 😉
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I didn’t know that you lived in Blackberry bush town? Sorry about your residence below the bushes. You can have the emoticon war, as I only have one emotion. You know the one. Anyways, how is your summer now that you are out of school?
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So far, so good! Getting lots of sun and enjoying O-town before it gets wiped off the face of the earth!
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It will be a slow bitter death. Better get out your bitter emoticons.
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> : – [
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Throw down the mic, you just won Emoticon Bitter Battle of 2013!
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Can relate all your bitterness reasons today. Would also like to have weed & blackberry gardening-superpowers and a residence on Hawai!
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See we do have some feelings in common!
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Shape up Bitter Boy! Drop the attitude and the bitter back biting and blog bashing. Have a cupcake and live life on the sweet side for a change. I do, and I haven’t had a bitter moment since they retired the Hostess Twinkie. Try some chocolate frosting. It’s the antidote for rain, malfunctioning technology and being without a date on a Saturday night.
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Do you have some bitter chocolate cupcakes that would cause me to be bitter?
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A fortress of Bittertude? I want one.
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It’s all the best things combined into one. It’s in a place where no one would bother you, and a place to be bitter. If only you could get your father to stop appearing from the dead.
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Glad I’m not the only person whose phone randomly posts before I’m done. Awkward!
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Bitter is the right word for this situation. Awkward as well.
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I’m bitter because I’m sure my boyfriend is going to drag me to this movie eventually…
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I feel so bad for you. It is so hard to go to phenomenal movies like this. It would be really awful to have such superpowers.
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Actually, I just got word he’s seeing it with his cousin tonight while I cough up a lung and sit in a pile of wadded up Kleenex filled with my own phlegm. …I lucked out?
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No you didn’t. Though he probably knew you didn’t want to go, so isn’t he nice to not make you go?
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Yes.
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I have been heard to mutter, Do we get a movie with this? after about the fourth or fifth trailer. Of course, there are so many trailers because by the time you get to the movie, even if you hate the first minute, you can’t get your money back from the theatre because technically you’ve been watching the movie for more than twenty minutes. Now that’s worth chewing someone’s tie off…
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I don’t normally mind the previews when I am getting ready to watch a crap movie, but I was watching a good movie. How could they interfere with my movie?
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they’re messin’ with you, Ben… you gonna put up with that, or are you going to march off and start watching KVOS?
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I’m messing with them actually. I didn’t pay them any real money and I didn’t wear the 3D glasses like they thought I was going to do. Suckers! I just used my 2D eyes.
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I totally ripped them off and now use the 3D glasses to walk around everywhere.
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So now your life is in 3D? Dang it! Mine has always been in 2D except when I go to 3D movies.
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No Ben, can’t you do math? Life was already 3D… so now i’m livin’ large in 6D. Soon to be a major motion picture, my friend.
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First of all no, I don’t do math. That would require that I think and I have no time for that. Second, I hope you enjoy 6D. All I know is that it would hurt my head and make me bitter.
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I actually liked the first post. It was like you couldn’t think of anything. I knew better, but still it made me laugh.
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It made me look like a fool! Which I am so yeah, true colors and I think people liked seeing my bitter side for once.
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Along with the fact that I can’t stand theaters (eternal bitterness re that), I’d be super bitter over all those pre-previews, mid-previews, and real previews. Superman would boil the lovely seas at the fortress with his special laser eyes. Could result in some extra bitter feelings!
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Never understood why he wouldn’t use Hawaii as his fortress.
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sorry you’re bitter ben, but this makes me happy because i thought it was due to my lack of tech superpowers that i couldn’t read your whole post. good to know it was that evil android’s fault
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I’m so bitter that my phone thinks that it is Bitter Ben and not me. Talk about Super Bitter.
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Yeah, wondered what had happened as first part of the first sentence got published, then another part, and that was it! I thought, wow, a very powerful one line post! Yipee! Made me much less bitter!
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It made me more bitter. I could not believe how my phone thought that it was okay to publish a one sentence post!
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What’s wrong with a one bitter sentence? Quite a departure for you but
it seemed to make sense:)
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Perhaps I will just do twitter posts from now on…bitter and to the point.
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I mean to say maybe your phone knows more than you:)
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Clearly my phone knows more than me. Just look at the calculator.
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