I am so bitter that my Android phone posted that Super Bitterness before I was ready to post. Arrrghhh! Now I am Super Bitter at my phone and WordPress for allowing my phone to post something before it was ready. So without further ado, here is the first paragraph that you have already read, with additional content, like other words and maybe a picture or two with snarky remarkies.
In honor of me staying up until midnight to watch The Man of Steel because I aspire to be an outsider from another planet and destroy things with ease, I am going to list some reasons why I’m bitter I am not Superman.
I’m bitter because I couldn’t use those laser eyes to cut down the blackberry bushes next to our property. In fact maybe I would use my Super abilities to burrow under the earth and cut them out with the roots.
I’m bitter because I couldn’t use my Super Speed to spin the earth backwards a few hours so this post didn’t get destroyed by my phone.
I’m bitter because I can’t use my Super Breath to play petty pranks on people like blowing rainclouds on places like Phoenix and Sunshine on Seattle.
I’m bitter because I can’t use my freeze breath to make it snow in the summer in places like Charleston, SC or Miami, Florida.
I’m bitter because I’m not a scrub on the bench for the Spurs so I could stand in lane and take a charge from Lebron James and have him realize that he wasn’t the strongest person in the universe.
I’m bitter because I don’t have the excuse that I can’t save anyone today because I live in Seattle and I can’t see the sun.
I’m bitter because I can’t destroy major cities like Metropolis or Omaha, Nebraska and claim it was for “saving the world”.
I’m bitter because I can’t use my heat vision to warm up my toast in the morning.
I’m bitter because I can’t use my super speed to write snarky tweets on Twitter. (Example: Have you seen Zod’s Haircut? Those Caeser’s haircuts are so younger Clooney.)
I’m bitter because I don’t have a fortress of Bittertude in Hawaii. (The north pole? Really dad? You couldn’t put it in Hawaii?)
I’m bitter because I had to wait and hour in line, watch 30 minutes of previews before the previews and then watch 24 minutes of actual previews before we got to the 3D previews. So I waited as long for the movie as the actual movie was.
I’m very bitter that I don’t have my laser vision for fixing the road repairs and getting the money that they construction crews claim it should have cost to do the construction.
I am the most Super Bitter that my lazycation is almost over.
- Wanted: Bitter Rival to Share Bitter Feud with (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
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- Mother’s Day Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)