As you have may have read in the past, I am a Demusement park owner. Disneyland was a place modeled after my park Bitterland. The difference is that at Bitterland, I deliberately have disdain for my customers and I am honest about it, while Disney tries to hide the fact that it only loves your money. The whole philosophy behind Bitterland is complete customer dissatisfaction. We go out of our way to make sure you don’t have a fun time at all. Don’t get us wrong, we will take your money, but it is the complaining, frowning and the bitter threats that fuel the employees of Bitterland.
As witnessed by the billions of dollars that Disney and Bitterland steal from billions of suckers everyday, demusement parks are big business. So it goes without saying that elementary schools are trying to copy Bitterland in order to try to “reward” kids for making it through 9 months of grueling 6 hour days. School fooled me into thinking that jobs would be the same way. The best part of having your kids go to school is the fact that you get to go to a lousy job for at least 5 days a week, 40 hours a week and then you still get to come home and do someone else’s homework. Failing math once made me bitter enough, but failing it three times will take the bitter cake. As a reward for all my hard work, I had the punishment of going to my kids school carnival.
I understand that I have to put up with my kids because I am responsible for their bitterness and annoying habits since their births. But you bitter believe that I care not all about other people’s kids. They are not mine, I am not responsible for raising them, feeding them or listening to them scream, talk or even whisper. A school carnival is full of other people’s disaster’s, uh kids and having to deal with them is like punching myself in the face. I have tried multiple things to get rid of kids but nothing seems to work. I have tried scowling bitterly, ignoring completely, putting headphones on or even spraying myself with kid repellant but nothing seems to work. They just keep talking, moving and breathing.
If that wasn’t enough to make me bitter, there were fantastically stupid games, terribly over priced snow cones($1?) and unbearably painful pop music. And if having kids around wasn’t painful enough, there were also parents there. Parents I don’t know and don’t like, parents I do know and don’t like and parents that I don’t care about or like. Though every parent and kid in the world are in the category of people I don’t like, seeing all of them at one time just made the evening that much more bitter. As much as I can’t stand tents and camping, it would have beat the alternative of having to ignore and avoid others at a school carnival.
The worst part of all is that this should have been a good place to find despirational ideas to use at my own park, but the carnival couldn’t even do that right. Their games were one level above being the most bitter things I would ever choose for a bitter experience at Bitterland.
Can wait until next year….
Bitter Carnivoral Ben
- Blogger of the week (readfulthingsblog.com)
- Day after Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Bitter Awareness Week (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)