“Like” bitterness

Like makes me so bitter.  When I was at the mall today, I decided after I walked by a gaggle of teenagers that the most used word in the English language ever is not “the” “it” or even “a” or “and”.  As an authority on all things English, my decree is that the most used word is “like”.

Think about it.  On Bookface, you can view your friends comments and decide that you want to give them a thumbs up.  So what do you do?  You “like” them.  Companies with their profiles are begging people to “like” them and are so concerned about it, that they are offering free pizza or friendship or a $.50 coupon.  And who couldn’t use a coupon?  So we all click on this button and tell people that we “like” their status.  And what better way to tell someone that you think their status update is cool than to click a button.  Sure it shows that you read it.  But how about making an actual comment.  At least say something like,  “I liked your status update.”  I mean, yeah I am the poster child for lazy, but come on, at least say something.

Then there is the whole issue of teenagers.  I’m pretty sure some teenager’s aren’t able to complete an entire sentence without saying the word “like” between every single word they use.  Holy cow.  But on the other hand, I was trying to describe this to my wife and couldn’t complete a sentence without saying it either.  So to you “like” I say stop compelling me to say you, regardless if I want to or not.   What makes me so bitter about “like” is not that “like”is a terrible word, which it is, but the fact that it is more popular than the word bitter.  The public must be informed of this injustice and like should be send to word jail for life, never to be used again.  I mean, we are always trying to get teens to talk less.  If we were to ban the word, we would be able to cut their words in half! 

Conversely, we should make bitter a much better used word in the public.  Flavors should be converted from sweet to bitter.   Conversations should go from, “Man, so like did you see that program?”  to “Man, so bitter did you see that program?”  There should be posters and buildboards and TV spots proclaiming the word bitter to all the world.  Bitter and other bitter words should plaster the ceiling of every home apartment, shack and outhouse.  Bitterness makes the world go around, not like.  Like is something that you do on facebook because you aren’t clever enough to post something funny or profound on someone’s update.  Like is what we say when he have feelings for someone, but we don’t really love them.  Like is just a filler word for a teenager who talks to fast.  Stop being so non commital and choose the word bitter.  Let’s hear it for bitterness instead of like.  Down with the word like!

Up with bitter!  Turn that smile upside down and have a bitter day.  Here is the last time I say you in public.  “Like”, I don’t like you!


Bitter Ben


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