There was a show on TLC called Storage Wars. It was a horribly annoying show about a group of about 5 or 6 people that would bid on storage units that had been abandoned by people. Audiences were intrigued by it for several reasons, I suppose. Some seemed to like the drama between the characters on the show that had some intense rivalries, and while others liked the lottery aspect of it, where they might find a diamond in a pile of people’s leftover junk.
It gave me the heebie jeebies, because we had a storage unit back in Seattle when we first moved there. I hated that we had it, not only because we had to pay a monthly fee for it, but because we were just storing our junk in a cold, dark garage. For a little while, I was like those Storage War guy and girls, imagining that I had some sort of diamonds that I just forget about and put them in our storage unit. Every time I was at the house and couldn’t find something I thought I had, I would think, “It’s probably in the storage unit. Next time I go there, I’ll retrieve the item and then my life will be complete again.”
Then we’d go to the unit, and I’d either forget about the thing I was looking for, or I would remember that I either threw it away, gave it away or sold it. The longer we had the unit, the more I realized that there was nothing there but junk that we really didn’t need. If I had really needed something, I definitely wouldn’t have let it suffer in the dark, cold, dusty garage.
I’m glad we don’t have that storage unit anymore. Never again will I pay a monthly fee to store things in a garage that we definitely don’t need or want anymore. Instead, I pay a mortgage on an oversized storage until called a house. Instead of the storage unit, we just put those things in OUR garage and unfinished basement. Of course, we attached a couple of bedrooms, bathrooms and a kitchen to our storage unit, but we basically just bought a larger storage unit for our useless junk.
The best part is that my parents downsized and moved closer to us so they could get revenge for me being a nightmare of a child, I guess. Since they downsized, and my mom is a borderline hoarder (another TLC show) of course they had to get a storage unit. Since we are the closest ones to them (by maybe a mile), we are the ones that always get the call when they think they need something from the storage unit. Then we have to haul ourselves to the dusty unit, find the random item my mom or dad need, and become their personalized UPS delivery drivers. Although the UPS delivery people are paid handsomely for their service and sometimes even get gifts at Christmas time.
Now they decided that they don’t want to pay for the Storage unit anymore. But they are old and can’t lift anything, so since I’m a young, spritely 51-year-old, my wife and I are in charge of emptying the storage unit. They’ve authorized us to be able to go through all the junk, which we consider a great honor. The best part is that all that stored stuff has to go somewhere…so where would that be? Oh yeah, our garage, our basement, our living room, dining room, kitchen and sometimes even our bathrooms. Our house is now a much smaller place, because it’s now my parent’s temporary free storage unit.
The best part is that get the pleasure of going through 50+ yellow and black Costco storage bins, shelving units full of Nutcrackers, and other random furnitures.
We would either junk it, sell or give it away, which is already a lot of work. But before we do all that, my wife has to pull it all out, put it on our counter, take a picture, and then offer it to my sisters or sister in laws. (Big shocker that me, my brothers or brothers in law don’t want any of their stuff.)
Then my wife is left with a tornado of text chains telling her that this sister wants this, this sister wants that, the other wants the Nutcracker in the picture that has the hat (which is every one of them). Then she’ll get side texts saying they want something and to put something to the side for them, so the other sister doesn’t know about it in front of the others. There are absolutely no catfights going on at all.
The more I see this kind of nonsense, the more I know I will minimize even more than I already do. When we were getting ready to move from Seattle to Utah, my favorite thing to do was hold garage sales. I would find as much of my stuff as I could (which wasn’t that much) and sell as much as I could. My wife hated that I was in charge of the garage sales, because I would almost always sell stuff for way less than it was worth. But man did we get rid of stuff fast when I was in charge.
I often brag to my wife that I could store all the stuff I cared about in a corner of our house. A few dozen hoodies, my Xbox, TV and computers, and I would be a bitter camper.
By the time I get old, I hope to eliminate that down to two bags: one of clothes and the other with my foldable Xbox and TV. When I die, one kid will get the Xbox and TV bag, while the other gets the hoodies.
My intention is that the Bitter Friday Giftures will take a longer time to view than it will take them to finish going through all my stuff when I die. Let’s start out with these fancy ones…
There’s nothing like a bunch of adults paying actual money…
But that was that was the premise…
While a lot of us don’t do that…
I did for an entire year…
But then I thought…
But then I realized…
I guess that would be fine…
Since we eventually want our space in the house back…
Take a bunch of pictures….
While my wife goes through a tornado…
All so we can clear out a tiny space…
Which means that I will do my best…
ARRRGGGHHHHHH
Bitter Storage Unit Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I meant to comment on this sooner, but your post must have been lost in my garage – aka free storage unit for college aged kids who moved back home with their furniture and boxes. Sometimes I think a backyard shed might be a good solution, but creating more space might encourage them to live at home even longer.
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I’ve had issues with storage units before. I know I usually make jokes on here. But you mentioned you had the heebie jeebies. So right now I am being serious. And I’m saying the following as a practitioner of witchcraft.
And as someone who used to work in the paranormal field. I used a Public Storage facility once. That’s what it’s called. Not a very imaginative name. And once was enough (biggest mistake of my life, absolutely rude people and worst customer service ever).
But it was more than that. That specific location, even during the day felt fucked up. You could feel something was off in the air. It felt like invisible people were all around you. And I felt sort of like a spiritual fog in there.
Finally I came to the conclusion that place was haunted. I did a divination (cards) to find out why. And the spirits basically told me that there are things in those storage lockers that belonged to dead people. And those people are still attached to their belongings. But there was a nastier reason for that.
Something about murdered people. I didn’t ask further because I didn’t want to know. But suffice it to say, that public storage place is haunted as shit. I’ve been to other storage lockers. Never felt something so dark and nasty before in my life.
You never know who is putting what in those lockers. I wouldn’t be surprised if corpses were shoved into coolers and hidden on that property. It was worse than a cemetery. I’ve been to cemeteries were more peaceful. Of course that makes sense.
In a cemetery you are (in theory anyways) laid to rest. And prayed over. In a place like that I can’t imagine there is much rest. Especially when surrounded by other unquiet dead. And it wasn’t just me.
Neither my family, nor anyway else who had stuff there, wanted to be there alone. At day or at night. You half expected a serial killler to jump out at you from somewhere. In hindsight, I should have spoken to those spirits more. And done rituals to help them.
But at the time I wasn’t thinking. I was having lots of problems (hence needing the storage). Moving out and helping my mother etc….But I should have put all of that aside to help them out. But yeah that’s my own weird little experience with that one public storage. Never had that issue in other places.
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