I had a short phase in my junior year of liking luxury cars. I would read magazines (magazines used to be offline and have glossy paper in the ancient of days) about cars like the Nissan 300ZX Twin Turbo, or the Mitsubishi 3000GT VR4 Twin Turbo. I guess I had a thing for Twin Turbos. Cause single turbo’s are pretty useless. It wasn’t like I could afford a car like that or even knew how engine’s worked. I just liked the idea of owning a car that could sit in traffic faster than other cars.

Well, someday is finally here and my dreams continue to be a dream. I do not own a luxury vehicle. But don’t you worry, because 50 is coming, which means my mid-life crisis is approaching the bend as fast as a Nissan 300ZX twin turbo. Oh sorry, this just in. I’ve just been told that the Nissan 300ZX Twin Turbo is an ancient car that no longer exists and has been replaced at least 6 times.

Well, I guess my dream is dead and there is no replacement dream.

I did at one time even like Lexus’s, mainly because of their advertising. They positioned Lexus luxury vehicles as near perfect vehicles with precision steering, luxury interiors and motors that were so quiet that you could balance a tower of champaign glasses on top of them when they were running. I’m not sure if my car could do that, because it can barely fit one glass on top of it, let alone a tower of them. Lexus had such style and grace. I always admired that Lexus’s weren’t perfect but man, were they pursuing it perfection relentlessly.

I never admired the pursuit, but not the perfection. I always had another much more ambitious pursuit for myself. My relentless pursuit of doing nothing. Doing nothing is on my mind 24 hours a day. In any task I do, I think, “How does this task get me closer to doing nothing?”

For instance, how can I complete everything I have to do today, so at the end of the day, I will melt into the couch. No one talking to me, no one asking me questions, no challenge, no pursuit. I have spent my entire life relentlessly pursuing the ever elusive nothing.

That is why I go to work everyday. It’s why I put my pants on in the morning. It’s why I’m pushing my kids into fame and fortune. It’s why I have a 401K, why I have savings, why I scheme, and undermine my co-workers. And why I blog endlessly. Not so I can be a CEO, or write things for your entertainment. I do it for the off chance that someone will buy my blog for a billion dollars, or my kids will make it big, or my 401K doesn’t tank like Netflix’s stock. I don’t care about the luxury, the cars, houses or yachts. I just want the nothing. My wife can manage the billion dollars and go shopping, find herself a maid, and personal chef, give our money to charity or plan exotic vacations with it. I just want it, so I can achieve nothingness.

So there you have it. I do everything, so I can do nothing. I hope your expectations for today’s blog is nothing, because if that is what it is, you will finally get what you want…

Here’s the Giftures…

If you want to achieve nothing…

You have to want nothing so deeply…

You have to be relentless…

You’ve got to stay…

You’ve got to stay on…

You’ve got to fight…

You have to scratch…

And claw…

Of pure…

Unadulterated…

Mindbending…

Nothingness…

If you want to make something of yourself, I have no advice for you. But if you want to relentlessly pursue nothingness, I have all the advice. Except I’m too busy pursuing nothingness to talk to you. Get your own advice.

ARRRRRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Relentless Pursuer Ben