The Matrix Bitter Friday Giftures


It seems to me that the Matrix hasn’t been working very well lately.  There must be some sort of glitch that is causing some really unbelievable things. The whole fabric of society seems to be crumbling and the machines are getting worse at covering up that they are responsible. Have you noticed it like I have?

It’s the milk. There used to be only one kind. You know, the one from cows. It gave us calcium, Vitamin D, and for some, nice stomach aches. We were all good with it, or bad with it, depending on our lactose tolerance. We accepted that cows were the only source. Then all of a sudden, not long ago there, there was a tiny crack. Someone decided that we could get milk from something else. We could get it from a goat. We all thought it was a little weird at the time, and a few people thought it was an acceptable form of milk. Then, the flood started. People that were intolerant of the cow stuff decided that they wanted milk too, but wanted to not get horrific stomach aches, so we decided to milk almonds. You know, because that is pretty easy to do because almonds are pretty soft.

Then the oats started thinking, hey what about us? You can milk us too! So now there is oat milk. Soy got in on the milk game, rice wanted its day, and then hemp said “Hey what about us?” Pretty soon, we’re going to get meat milk and carrot milk, because hey they are healthy too right? 2020 has been a swirl of emotions, but none more than confusion caused the uprising of the many kinds of milk. Let’s hope that we can get back to the normalcy of milk by 2021. Enough of this depressing stuff. Can we get back to the Bitter Friday Giftures?

We first noticed a crack…

keanu reeves 90s GIF

…in the Matrix.

But it wasn’t when…

the matrix GIF

…we saw too many Smith’s.

But when we started…

Go Vegan Ice Cream GIF by LIVEKINDLY

…seeing other kinds of milk popping up.

If only we could go back to a simpler time…

flying doctor who GIF

…when there was only one source of milk.

Next thing you know…

fosters chocolate milk GIF

…we’re going to have chocolate oat milk that comes from almonds.

Remember when bears didn’t have to worry…

milk GIF

…about stealing milk and have it be soy milk instead?

Now we have to do a test like this…

Milk Glass GIF

…before we can decide if its the right kind of milk.

I’m sure coconut milk is going to get mad…

season 6 GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants

…because they are doing things for underwater society like powering cars. 

And oats are going to be frustrated…

star wars oatly starwars yoda maytheforebewithyou oatdrink wownocow GIF by Oatly

…because they powered a galaxy far, far, away.

And rice milk will be upset…

sci-fi milk GIF by MANGOTEETH

…because they were responsible for mushing up some Cheerios. 

The crack in the Matrix has made the world of milk…

milk reverse GIF by hazelst

…seem in such a state of reversal…

But I think there is room for all kinds of milk…

luke brooks milk GIF

…and we just can’t give up on any of it.

According to the most reliable source in the world, Google, there are 22 kinds of milk. They all have their strengths and weaknesses. There is some good in each kind. There is no crying over a spilled amount of any of it. And in the end, we have to remember that past their expiration date, they are all kind of sour, chunky, and should not be consumed.


Bitter Milk Ben


19 thoughts on “The Matrix Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. One might begin to reflect on this (while sipping a cup of tea made with unsweetened almond-cashew milk) and think maybe there might be a big metaphor in this post. 🤔


  2. I am one of the stomach-achers. I have a quart of plain almond milk in the fridge right now. It tastes funny in mashed potatoes or sausage gravy, but works alright in iced lattes, and smoothies. I haven’t yet found an “alternate” cheese or ice cream that’s worth eating. Thanks for taking my mind off the fact that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, if even for 5 minutes. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well, we have a million choices of everything else, why not milk? Going food shopping used to be a lot easier. After comparing labels and prices, and hunting for favorite products I can’t find anymore, my brain is fried. Good thing I buy a lot of chocolate to manage my stress – another food item with too many choices – dark, light, with fruit, with nuts, on and on. Hey, good idea for another blog post?


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