It seems to me that the Matrix hasn’t been working very well lately. There must be some sort of glitch that is causing some really unbelievable things. The whole fabric of society seems to be crumbling and the machines are getting worse at covering up that they are responsible. Have you noticed it like I have?
It’s the milk. There used to be only one kind. You know, the one from cows. It gave us calcium, Vitamin D, and for some, nice stomach aches. We were all good with it, or bad with it, depending on our lactose tolerance. We accepted that cows were the only source. Then all of a sudden, not long ago there, there was a tiny crack. Someone decided that we could get milk from something else. We could get it from a goat. We all thought it was a little weird at the time, and a few people thought it was an acceptable form of milk. Then, the flood started. People that were intolerant of the cow stuff decided that they wanted milk too, but wanted to not get horrific stomach aches, so we decided to milk almonds. You know, because that is pretty easy to do because almonds are pretty soft.
Then the oats started thinking, hey what about us? You can milk us too! So now there is oat milk. Soy got in on the milk game, rice wanted its day, and then hemp said “Hey what about us?” Pretty soon, we’re going to get meat milk and carrot milk, because hey they are healthy too right? 2020 has been a swirl of emotions, but none more than confusion caused the uprising of the many kinds of milk. Let’s hope that we can get back to the normalcy of milk by 2021. Enough of this depressing stuff. Can we get back to the Bitter Friday Giftures?
We first noticed a crack…
…in the Matrix.
But it wasn’t when…
…we saw too many Smith’s.
But when we started…
…seeing other kinds of milk popping up.
If only we could go back to a simpler time…
…when there was only one source of milk.
Next thing you know…
…we’re going to have chocolate oat milk that comes from almonds.
Remember when bears didn’t have to worry…
…about stealing milk and have it be soy milk instead?
Now we have to do a test like this…
…before we can decide if its the right kind of milk.
I’m sure coconut milk is going to get mad…
…because they are doing things for underwater society like powering cars.
And oats are going to be frustrated…
…because they powered a galaxy far, far, away.
And rice milk will be upset…
…because they were responsible for mushing up some Cheerios.
The crack in the Matrix has made the world of milk…
…seem in such a state of reversal…
But I think there is room for all kinds of milk…
…and we just can’t give up on any of it.
According to the most reliable source in the world, Google, there are 22 kinds of milk. They all have their strengths and weaknesses. There is some good in each kind. There is no crying over a spilled amount of any of it. And in the end, we have to remember that past their expiration date, they are all kind of sour, chunky, and should not be consumed.
ARRRRGGGHHHHHH
Bitter Milk Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Almond milk is like a veggie burger. They’re imitation. There are very few almonds in almond milk.
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I’m sure. I need to start my own milk and call it bitter.
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Uh oh. Someone might come along and complain (I am not complaining, merely noting) that Harvey Milk was not mentioned. Of course, that’s.. a Milk of a different sort.
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I’m hoping the big Harvey Milk advocates don’t accidentally come upon my blog and start complaining. (Obviously, they wouldn’t come along on purpose.)
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One of your best Friday giftures ever. J.
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Thanks, it didn’t start out that way, just kind of curved.
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Milk. Nothing but the milk.
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Yep. Just plain old full fat milk.
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One might begin to reflect on this (while sipping a cup of tea made with unsweetened almond-cashew milk) and think maybe there might be a big metaphor in this post. 🤔
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Yes, one might see a metaphor in this, though it didn’t start out that way, so don’t judge me too harshly on how it came together…or how it should be taken.
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I am one of the stomach-achers. I have a quart of plain almond milk in the fridge right now. It tastes funny in mashed potatoes or sausage gravy, but works alright in iced lattes, and smoothies. I haven’t yet found an “alternate” cheese or ice cream that’s worth eating. Thanks for taking my mind off the fact that the world is going to hell in a handbasket, if even for 5 minutes. 🙂
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Yeah, that’s what I try to do. Try to make sure that we are talking about the least consequential thing in the world to get our minds out of this gutter trash pile of a world right now.
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Well, we have a million choices of everything else, why not milk? Going food shopping used to be a lot easier. After comparing labels and prices, and hunting for favorite products I can’t find anymore, my brain is fried. Good thing I buy a lot of chocolate to manage my stress – another food item with too many choices – dark, light, with fruit, with nuts, on and on. Hey, good idea for another blog post?
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Exactly. Now that there are way too many kinds of chocolates, I’m going to have to do a Chocolate post. Probably one about the more bitter chocolates…
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Bittersweet for sure
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That’s uncanny. I just bought a couple of cartons of rice and almond milk this week, for the very first time! Can’t really tell the difference in the taste.
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I wouldn’t think so. And by the way, how do you milk an almond?
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Tenderly, I would think?
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I would hope so, for the almond’s sake.
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