Editing Bitterness



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I’ve been doing a whole lot of editing lately, and not of the written word. I’m really bad at that, even though my wife thinks I’m really good at it.  She always makes me edit my kid’s papers.  The problem is that their teachers start to believe that my kids are mediocre writers instead of the good ones that they really are. I mean, have you seen me edit my blog even once? This blog is a grammar graveyard, and that is just the spelling. If a professional editor ever got a hold of this thing, they would be seeing red in their nightmares for weeks, because of all the red pen they would need to use.

What I have been editing are videos. I have always liked editing video because first of all, you get to see all the funny footage, and second, you can very easily change the story just by what you take out and splice together. It’s kind of a fun process and also excruciatingly boring at the same time. The end result can shock and amuse. I hope to someday edit a Hallmark movie to make it good (by editing it as a horror story), or edit something great like John Wick and make it horrible.

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Sometimes I wish I could edit parts of my life. Not that I wouldn’t keep all the footage (you know for all those funny blooper-like moments). Honestly, it’s not like most of my life hasn’t been recorded like in The Truman Show. Let’s be honest, cameras are everywhere. You think you are alone in your house? Not bloody likely.

There is Siri, Alexa, Google, your kid’s cell phones, your DSLR, your nanny cam, your cameras that keep your baby safe and everyone’s Ring. And that is just in your house. Imagine all the footage of you at work. You probably think there aren’t any there, but you would be wrong. Then when you go to Wal-Mart or Target, they could make the movie of your life with all the footage they have of you there.

I’m okay with all the cameras everywhere. I just want to be able to edit my footage. It would also be nice to edit out people from your life that you just want to forget. Like a boss that was horrible or a job that didn’t teach you anything, but misery or suffering and didn’t even add anything to your resume.

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On the other hand, it would be nice to get some additional footage of a rare person that made you laugh off your miserable life, or smile in a really crappy situation, or understood your horrifically underrated dry humor. It would be nice to give them a little more of a starring role in your life’s film.

Life is pretty much unedited. Thankfully, my brain is the ultimate editor. It stores all the super boring moments on that hard drive that collects dust in the back of the cerebellum cabinet.

Who or what do you want edited out of your life movie?

ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

7 thoughts on “Editing Bitterness

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