My Bitter Love Language


I’m an expert in the bitterness emotion.

As the self-proclaimed foremost expert on bitterness, I have done my best to study the bitterness emotion in all its varieties. It is not a complex emotion, but a very underrated and underused one. People always love the rage, and the happy, and the sad, but rarely do they ever think about the bitter. It kind of stews under the surface, and for some reason people are always thinking of it as negative. It absolutely is and should be more celebrated for that fact. The problem is that people want to hide it deep below the surface and never let people know that they are bitter. I think that we should let our bitterness out and let it take hold of us. But everyone seems to always want to show love toward other people.

I guess there are like 5 love languages out there, words of affirmation, touch, gifts, acts of service (not sure if that means for them, or doing them) and quality time. Let me first start with the ones I’m not.

My preferred method of touch.

Touch – I don’t like to hug people or let people hug me. Human contact is okay I guess with people in your family but is almost unbearable with others. I’m okay with wrestling with my son, or making my daughter uncomfortable with a side hug or an awkward back pat, but only when it makes her incredulous that her father is showing affection.

Acts of service – People are the worst. They take all your introverted time by asking you to do things, for free. Why would I ever want to do things for other people, when I’m not getting paid? I’ve done a few things for others, but it always seems like they don’t appreciate it, so I prefer to think of myself, who at least kind of appreciates things that I do…sometimes.

Gifts – I’m sure everyone likes gifts, but they don’t really move the needle that much. I guess if you give me like millions of dollars wrapped into a brand new computer or camera, I might think that was an okay gift. But really, I don’t think buying me flowers or chocolates is going to woo me or make me like you more if I don’t like you already.

Flowers and chocolates don’t do it for me.

Quality Time – Yeah, I love quality time, or regular time, or wasted time…as long as it is with myself. I could spend months on a mountain all by my lonesome….as long as I have wi-fi, a comfy couch and the world’s largest TV (Vistas are a poor quality version of a TV in my opinion). With others, I find any time extremely annoying, bothersome and taking away from valuable me time.

Now let’s get to the only one that moves the bitter meter. Words of affirmation. I think it goes back to the one thing that defines living for me. The groan.

I love puns because they are the lowest form of humor according to most, but I find it the highest form. Simply because of one reason. The better the pun, the bigger the groan. I like making people uncomfortable with my comedy. If they are groaning because my joke is so bad they can hardly stand it, my comedy has done its job. And there is no better way of showing me affirmation than by groans at one of my dad jokes. You don’t get to be the department dad joker, by telling genuinely funny jokes.

So what is your love language? What gets you jazzed in the morning? What makes you feel like you’ve actually accomplished something? What can I do to not do those things for you?

Bitter Groan Language Ben

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Target Deal of the Day:Β You are just like everyone else, so jump on that “losing weight” resolution bandwagon for the first few weeks of January. Stay out of the crowded gyms and do it in your basement though. Uses these Ignite by Spri Chrome hand weights to take your broken resolution to the lowest level. The twenty-pound version is 20% off for a low price of $23.99.

22 thoughts on “My Bitter Love Language

  1. GREAT post!
    Ha! From those two images it looks like Bitter People have lots of fun! πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€
    Well, you know that unfortunately I’m the complete opposite of bitter. (And you have NOT had enough effect on me to change that even slightly. HA! πŸ˜› )
    Touch, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time with other people…ETC…all a part of my love language.
    (((HUGS))) πŸ˜€
    PS…Keep being bitter, Ben. We help to balance the world. πŸ˜›


  2. What gets me going in the morning – the early sun on my Sequoia, dogs sitting at my feet, the birds singing, a good cup of coffee, and words flying onto my screen with abandon, and knowing no one else in the house will be up for another 2 hours.
    And I don’t hug either (except for my kids and my dogs) – I thought it was because I come from a British family, but maybe not!


    • Yeah, the hugging thing has always been really awkward for me. I think it is because I have bad timing, but I prefer a really weak wave and back to whatever was way more interesting when someone leaves.


  3. I don’t think I speak a love language. I mean, I love my kids with time and words and hugs and gifts, but I don’t care if they don’t give any of that back. What gets me jazzed in the morning is a great cup of decaf coffee and finishing a good run or workout. No love required. πŸ˜›

    Liked by 1 person

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