I spend a lot of time judging people. It’s okay though, because I’m old and I’ve seen a lot of bitter things happen, so I’m qualified to be able to do it. Besides, people judge me all the time, so it’s totally okay. Also I keep all my judgements to myself. Oh wait except for on this blog. But don’t worry, no one really reads it. Anyways, I’ve noticed that most everybody is dumb in one way or another, so they deserve to be judged. Especially when they think they are perfect.
Anyways, people are dumb in one way or another. Like, for instance, I might be pretty good at sitting around the house and doing nothing while watching TV and eating pizza, but I’m pretty good at math. Other people might be good at math but terrible at relationships. And you know what? People like to blame their problems on all kinds of things like their upbringing from their parents. Like me for instance. I was brought up in a stable, happy family. I blame my parents for not being more dysfunctional for the reason why I’m not famous and successful. Thankfully, I’m not. I would make a really bad famous person.
Most people’s problems aren’t other people’s faults. They are either because you are too lazy or too ambitious. Mine are all from being too lazy. Most of yours are either that or you are too ambitious. That leads to high expectations, being disappointed a lot and ruining relationships with all your lazy friends.
The worst people at being judgy are not even people at all. They are cars. Cars used to be so passive. They would just do what we asked them, which was to drive us places, allow us to speed somewhere whenever we felt like it and die when we forgot to do an oil change for 100,000 miles. Nowadays, all they want to do is nag us.
I can’t go anywhere unsafely anymore. Like the other day, I had to go to pick up my son at the church, which is 45 seconds by car, 30 seconds by foot. Being lazy, of course I drove over there. But the thought of doing something after 8 pm, that wasn’t changing the channel to something more interesting sent me over the edge. I’m like, “I will drive over and get him, but I’m not going to try very hard.” So I didn’t wear my seatbelt and let me tell you, the stinking car nagged me all the way over. Beep, beep, beeep, louder and louder until it was practically screaming at me. I’m like, “Just quit judging me! You don’t know me! You don’t know my background! You don’t know the circumstances!”
Then the other day, I was just driving home minding my own business, and the thing starts beeping at me again. “Gas is low, go get some more!” I’m like I just filled you up two weeks ago, can you just be satisfied with the amount of gas you have and just deal with it? Or if you are so needy, just get it yourself. I mean, you sit in a garage for 23 hours a day. Get off your lazy but and do it yourself. You’re worse than the kids. You leave oil marks all over the garage, you never pick up after yourself.
And now some cars can’t even let you parallel park? Like I spent at least zero minutes working on the during driver’s ed, but I know for a fact that other people were traumatized by it growing up. Could you at least let them be bitter about having to do it? Anyways, cars are the worst. So judgemental. Like they ever do anything for us, but create bigger bills and stuff.
Bitter Freaking Judgy Car Ben