Bitter Food

For some reason I keep requiring this stuff.

I have had a long standing relationship with food. Ever since I was a baby I required it. I’m not really sure what it has ever done for me, but for some reason I keep eating it. It is this weird thing like how humans need trees and trees need humans. I’m not sure I believe that. I kind of think trees are trying to kill us, but no one else really sees that. But have you seen all the trees that have fallen on houses, or chopped down power lines because as they claim, “It was a little windy last night. I’m not sure what happened.”

They take down our houses, etc. I mean what have we ever done to trees? Other than chop them down and use them to build our houses, oh and we just ravage forests with forest fires every once in a while, but other than that we are totally symbiotic right?

Moving on from trees abuse of use, people often accuse me of eating funny food. Like for instance, instead of eating a bagel with creme cheese, I like to put a couple of Kraft Singles on it and melt it in the microwave. The other one that baffles people is that I eat peanut butter with butter instead of jelly. I don’t know why the earth loves peanut butter and jelly so much. Jelly is just so slimy. Doesn’t it make you squirm just a lot to eat it?

And yet you people eat fish. And octopus, and sushi. Do you realize that sushi is not cooked fish? Aren’t we always complaining about undercooked food and how it can kill us? And yet people eat this uncooked fish thing all the time. And the noodles. I like noodles when they are Italian. Covered in thick rich sauces. But you guys all want this Pho. And covered in orange chicken sauce. And Terryaki sauce.

Chik-Fil-A doesn’t create chicken, it creates traffic.

The one place that baffles me that people eat all the time is Chik-Fil-A. My life was affected by this place. When I used to live in Seattle, a new store opened up near my freeway exit. For months, there were lines around the block to get in. It is on a hugely busy street that I used to drive home on. And now because some people craved this horrible chicken sandwich, I had to wait an extra 20 minutes in traffic. Stupid Chicken Fila. I’m going to change their billboards to say eat more beef, so they go out of business.

I’ve talked about this one millions of times on my blog, but Subway the sub shop, are the biggest liars on the planet. There is no ingredient in that store that is fresh. Not the pickles, not the mayonnaise, not the beef or the turkey and definitely not the bread. I don’t know what ditch they get their food from, but it is probably whichever one is behind their store. If you want a sub that actually tastes good, and has fresh bread and other ingredients, Jimmy Johns. And the best part, they have like 14 people on the line that make your sandwich before you have a chance to finish your order. It is insane.

One last thing. Pizza is the god of food. I don’t care if it is Pizza Hut with its greasy pizza, Little Ceaser’s for its cheap pizza, or any other brand. If it is pizza, I will eat it. Scratch that. If it is pepperoni pizza, I will eat it. If you add the garden salad on it, or any other kinds of weirdo ingredients, it isn’t pizza. Mic drop. Don’t pick it up. Go away.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Foodie Ben

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32 thoughts on “Bitter Food

  1. I just discovered you the other day, Ben, and find you hilarious! I couldn’t comment til now because of the rigmarole of getting back into WordPress; the experience definitely made me bitter! Reading your stuff reminds me of the most hilarious book of all time (in my humble opinion): How To Make Yourself Miserable: A Vital Training Manual. It was written way back in 1966 by Dan Greenburg. You probably weren’t even born then! (But, I was.)

    Glad I found you!

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  2. I used to be a big Subway fan. I could eat the 6” veggie sub for lunch every day, and though you’re probably right, I felt like I was eating fresh, healthy food. Then I got a job located right next door, and the smell permeated through the walls. After a while, it made me nauseous. It also reminds me of the job in a negative way. Now Subway makes me bitter.

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  3. HA! πŸ˜€ and Right On!, BB! πŸ˜€

    Ha! I thought by the title that you were gonna’ speak of bitter foods like lemons, bitter melon, dill, kale, Bakers chocolate, etc. πŸ˜›

    I hate Subway! Ack!
    I’ve never had Chick-Fil-A…but they are building one here.

    Do those restaurants leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth?!?!
    HUGS!!! πŸ˜€

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  4. I am on a limited diet. Had to go veggie because of the triple by pass. My body went back in line and all functions went normal once I quit processed meats and cheeses. Basically this stuff contains chemicals which are from other planets. P.S. what does 30 percent less fat mean? Is it really thirty percent. How do you know? Do you believe what is put on the label?

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    • I don’t believe anything I read on labels. Though that is hard to do when I don’t read labels. And I’m sure someone will probably tell me to stop eating processed cheeses and meats too, but they will fail.

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  5. Sigh…….I’ve been dieting since the 1st of the year. Know what that means? Everyone that breaths at work is a mother f*ucker. Food has always been there for me….never betrayed me, lied to me, let me down…..Gotta go…..I’m hangry so it’s time to eat a effin apple….Grrrr

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just “no” to the chicken place or most other fast foods. My last encounter with Taco Bell gave me food poisoning. Jimmy Johns does have good subs, but I don’t eat gluten or dairy for the most part. That means my sandwiches are naked or wrapped in lettuce. I know you’re making a face, Ben, but I’m old and certain foods don’t sit with me as well as when I was 25 and I could eat that big honkin’ plate of spaghetti with the thick, rich Italian tomato sauce. Now it gives me indigestion…same as radishes and peppers and whiskey.

    Anyhow, I eat organic and fairly clean foods most meals, except when everyone brings treats to the office and I am forced to eat a cookie.

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    • Oh believe me, I’m old too and those foods do the same to my stomach, but I torture myself, just so I can taste the pleasure of the crappy food for just one moment. Again, most of my bitterness comes from me doing it to myself.

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  7. I am enjoying a day off, lazying on the couch, catching up with my favorite blogs (and I am here… see what I’m doing there? Discreet flattering… Ok, not so discreet now, I guess. So, what was I saying??) and wondering yet again why oh! why I couldn’t live from this… I juggle with the idea of monetizing The Cove (who’d pay me anyway??) and the dream of finding a rich sponsor that would allow me to stay home and do what I like best. And I had an idea for you.

    I am guessing that as the pizza-lover that you are, you must have a favorite pizza place close to your home. Right? So, what you should do, is take an arrangement with them, so your followers could get in contact with the pizza place online, pay for a pizza (or several, depending on their devotion to you) via paypal, and have it delivered to your home.

    Now, I did some quick math, and seeing that you have 9953 readers on WordPress, if every one of us offered you a pizza (I mean, that’s affordable support, if you ask me) you’d have a pizza per day for the next 27,26 years!

    I’ll let you think about it… I still have to find my own way to live from blogging. Ugh!

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    • I just can’t believe you have the day off. Ughgh. I had to write this blog real quick before I had to do all kinds of other things.
      YEah, I keep getting bitter that this thing isn’t making money hand over fist, so my wife would let me stay home. But your idea works. At least I could have some free pizza.

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  8. Ugh…I thought this was going to be a post about good food, but all it did was trash the good foods (sushi, pho, veggie pizza), and praise junk food. Nitrates! American cheese food! And who the heck eats their PB with B? *shudders* This post should have had a trigger warning for us health nut Californians.

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    • Yeah, Chick-Fil-A baffles me. But my son went there once and liked it, so now we have to go there whenever we get a chance. I just remember once at an airport we were trying to eat there and there were like 8 workers there doing nothing while the cashier was doing everything. I was flabbergasted.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Hmm, I used to be a Jimmy John’s fan. I mean c’mon who doesn’t love freaky fast? But I’m more of a Firehouse Subs kinda girl. Might be a South East joint, but I recommend them if you’re ever in the region.

    And yes, Subway is god awful. And I love Little Caesars $5 deep dish, but I have never had real chicago deep dish, so that might be why. ::shrug::

    Like

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