What is the difference between a parade and an invasion? Not much.

Yesterday, there was a holiday being celebrated exclusively in the state of Utah. It is in honor of the day that the pioneers ended up here 170 years ago. It’s an awesome holiday because only a very few people get it off. Since it is only a state holiday, if your company happens to be a Utah only company, you get it off. Otherwise, have fun watching the parade and shooting off fireworks after you get home from work.

We are supposed to honor these people that did a lot of walking and pulling handcarts and making trails that would someday become highways. Good job dudes and ladies. You did a lot of walking. And thank goodness for that, because I sure don’t like to do that.

But do they know all the pioneering I’ve done? How about my blog? This is the first Ben’s Bitter Blog ever to have been created solely by me, for me and about exclusive bitterness. Not only that, but I’ve been doing it for five years. Could the pioneers say they traveled for five years consistently and whined and complained about it the whole way? Not like me.

And how many followers did they get? They may have managed to scrape up a few followers like maybe their families, and possibly a few of their neighbors, but I’ve got almost 10,000. And I have a variety of followers like bots and businesses and spammers, and maybe even a few actual people. And some of them come from outside the US. In fact, 181 countries have at least checked in once on my blog. Probably by mistake. But mistakes are what I do best. Take that pioneers.

All day long.

You might say they forged a path and created lands and crops and dwellings and farms out of nothing but their bare hands. Well, I also carved out a path. With my bare hands and only the internet, I went from a mere blog that contained no words at all five years ago, to a blog that contained words. I carved out a space on the web out of nothingness. This spot on the web didn’t even exist and I made it come alive. Kind of like Frankenstein, or his monster. Words were pored in, graphic were changed, settings were adjusted, gifs were stolen from all over the web, videos were created about Bitterness from the Couch, all to make this very site full to the brim with bitterness.

Can you imagine how non bitter this world would have been if I hadn’t started this 5 years ago? Can you imagine how little you would have cared about “bitterness” the word, if I hadn’t come along and pioneered it, and shaped it, and crafted it to become part of your vernacular? It would have been a bright, shiny, world indeed, and your would have had to wear sunglasses all the time. You would have had to pretend to care about others, live with people’s positivity, learned to live with people, and learned how not to complain without all the pioneering of bitterness I’ve done.

So go rest on your couch with the knowledge that you can complain about anything. And knowing that a holiday will be created in Bitternesses honor. Even if I might be the only one celebrating it.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Bitterness Pioneer Ben