You Can’t Stop Me

/ bensbitterblog

Transform and destroy critics!

I was just reading a bunch of reviews of the newest Transformer movie, The Last Knight. The reviews ranged from “worst movie of the year” to “this movie will make us all dumber for having seen it”. You would think that somehow these terrible reviews would somehow stop me from going to see it. You would be dead wrong.

The problem with the critics of these movies, is that these people did not grow up in the 80’s. They weren’t absolutely mesmerized by a cartoon that came out in 1984 that captured their imagination.  They didn’t seek endlessly in malls and stores throughout the area to find the newest and greatest Transformers. And they most certainly didn’t go on dates and show their dates the 1987 movie. They were probably busy playing with their Movie Critic Barbies, or their G.I. Judgement inaction figures and just sat around and trashed on other people’s creative geniuses.

They have no idea the amount of work that goes into mad geniuses that create things like films. They don’t get creative types like us that write things on our blogs or books or content on our social media until our fingers get really sore, or the drawings that take hours and hours of valuable “spending time with our family” hours, or creating videos, pictures, or cooking or other creative skills.

You’re gonna listen to this guy?

They are the Siskel, Eberts or the Anton Ego’s of Ratatouille fame that judge us from the “finished product”. They have no idea the amount of work that goes into a two hour film, or even a 500 word blog post for that matter.  They just figure that we threw it together in a minute or two. In my case that may be right, but there are stages upon stages in the creative process. There is the idea producing and the conceptualizing, the editing, then producing, the advertising, costuming, musicing and all that to put out something on the screen for you to take two hours to trash.

Sure, Transformers probably had $217 million to make the movie, but have you ever been on the set of a film? I’ve been on the set of a film that was only seen but several 1000 people, and it was absolutely daunting just to film one second of one part of a film. The massive amount of cast and crew and food and camera angles and scouting for a set, just boggles the mind. The fact that any movie ever gets made ever, is beyond me. The fact that a film that takes months and sometimes years, clearly doesn’t get taken into account about a film.

Heck, I made 6 one man videos for this very blog and believe me, the thought that went into it, the preparation, the wardrobe, the execution, the spread that I had to provide myself in craft services was enough to almost quit filmmaking altogether.

And then to have people trash it like they trashed the Transformers was very bitterfying.

I’m sure critics ultimate dreams are to bring down a franchise, or kill a studio, or prevent people who really wanted to see a movie to second guess their choice and take all that creative work that so many people did, and flush it down the toilet. They are probably  hoping that by writing their clever words about how dumb a film is they will somehow take down summer and make it theirs.  They probably hope that by praising a an absolutely stupid film at Oscar season their quote will show up in an advertisement and they will think that somehow they added even one iota to the brilliance of the film.

Nope, I’m still going to see the film, and I’m going to enjoy remembering how this film related to the cartoons somehow, and I’m going to enjoy explosions and weird explanations about what the movie is about and I’m going to enjoy seeing robots transform into amazing cars, and jets and planets. Because what I am seeing on screen I only could dream about seeing on the screen when I was a little tyke.

So sit on your judgement seats with your little Barbie gavel, critics, because you aren’t going to stop me from seeing this movie. Only my lack of funds right now will get in the way. And maybe plans.

ARRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Critical of Critics Ben

42 thoughts on “You Can’t Stop Me”

  2. I love that you’re highlighting all of the hard work and creative energy that goes into making films. I’ve tried my hand here and there with a few projects and it is grueling. At least see it for the hardworking CGI folks. That in itself is incredible and we’ve come so far. These things should be highlighted more.

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    • Seriously. I especially think that CGI people get a bad rap, because they say if it has too much of it, that it can’t be a good film, but to create giant freaking robots on a screen that look that good? Imagine trying to do that 20 years ago.

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  3. I’ve actually never thought that a movie critique might consider their name popping up in an advertisement for a shitty film. Makes sense (said with a hint of bitterness) Also, I’m pretty into TMNT ^ myself and the I don’t care how many awful turtle high fives I have to see, I still am going to decide “It’s a Masterpiece!”

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    • I’m sure that they consider it a gold standard when their name pops up on an advertisement. In fact, I wonder if some critics can be bought (well, we know they are) because with all the awful reviews of Transformers they did an ad showing positive reviews last night and I was almost sure they were paid for those.

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      • I’m sure they were too! That’s such a shame. That’s why I’ve recently shopped for books with another strategy — pick up something I KNOW I will read. Not just something I “should” read. Probably need to do the same with movies from now on!

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        • Yeah, I’ve pretty much learned to skip out on all those movies around Oscar time that are telling me they are so great, when really it isn’t something I care to see. On the other hand, Transformers or other movies I want to see I see. Just like I watch Netflix (and watch the Office over and over again) or read blogs that appeal to me, not ones critics tell me are good.

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  5. Michael Bay blows so much stuff up he is responsible for global warming. If he gained control of your blog he would find a way to make it explode. I’d hate to be around him when he’s using the restroom.

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  6. Michael Bay has discovered the secret of making a gazillion dollars. It’s called “sell the people what they’ll pay for.” Good job Mikey! I’m just surprised that you’re not bitter because you didn’t think of it first.

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  9. I saw it last night. I wasn’t great (a couple of the other films were probably better) but it kept my interest and there was some decent new characters. It was definitely not that bad. I have seen some movies that were much worse. My only advice if you want to see it in the theater, don’t pay full price. Go to an early show or find a discount…but the big screen is still best for a movie like this!

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      • My son’s been asking me to go see the old Power Rangers. I remember when the show first came out and all the parents were complaining about the level of violence. Thing is, it was so bad but it fed our imaginations. We didn’t care that the production value must’ve been so cheap. They worked with what they had. Probably improvised a ton. I think there’s honor in that. Enjoy Transformers when you get some money and time.

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        • I was never into the Power Rangers, because I thought they stole some ideas from the Transformers (though Transformers probably stole from others), but that was just me. The new Power Rangers movie looks cool though. I’ll have to rent it when it comes out.

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